In NSW teachers get sacked for doing nude photo shoots with their partners in the Cleo sealed section.

A Sydney primary school teacher has been sacked for participating in a magazine nude photo shoot with her partner.

[…]

Mrs Tziolas appeared in the sealed section of Cleo magazine with her husband and nine other couples talking about their sex lives.

[…]

“As teachers we’re expected to be somewhat superhuman and not have a private life,” she said.

“It’s denying the fact that teachers are normal. Yes we have sex, yes we enjoy it…”

In Victoria teachers get cautioned by the offensively useless Victorian Institute of Teaching for buying students grog, discussing sex lives and swapping phone numbers.

A TEACHER who helped a student buy a slab of beer and discussed her sexual habits has been allowed to remain in the classroom.

And despite claims the teacher also talked about using marijuana to “wean herself” off painkillers, the price of cocaine and losing her virginity, Victoria’s teaching watchdog has found she deserves a second chance.

The Victorian Institute of Teaching found that Louise Margaret Huntington engaged in “misconduct” by failing to engage in “professional relationships” with her students.

A panel of three teachers found Ms Huntington displayed “professional immaturity” when she swapped phone numbers with a 17-year-old male student from another school in December 2006 and began seeing him outside school hours.

The secondary school teacher — who talked to the student about her lesbian relationships — allowed the teenager to stay the night at her house after driving him to a supermarket to buy beer.

Somewhere in the middle is the right approach.

GrodsCorp’s favourite chef and podcast sound engineer, Craig, walked into my classroom this afternoon to fix a computer problem. I was reading a book to the kids and we all ignored him for a few minutes. When I reached the end of the chapter I closed the book and said in a loud, sing-song voice, “Hi, Craig!” All the kids parroted, “Hi, Craig!” after me, causing widdle Cwaigy to blush a little bit. I then joked that it was lucky I was reading aloud as Craig can’t read so he just looks at the pictures and guesses. Without missing a beat one of the kids (bless ‘em) announced confidently, “He might not be able to read but he sure can cook!”

Craig’s online anonymity has been pwned. Priceless.

Dr Brendan Nelson, leader (sic) of the opposition, loves to remind punters and journalists at every opportunity that he is a medical doctor. The way that he casually drops anecdotes from his practicing days into interviews and speeches has become a bit of a joke, but this exchange from a Sky TV interview is pure, solid gold in its patheticness.

SPEERS: But looking back, how much did the divisiveness between the Costello and Howard camp, camps, in the final stages of the Howard Government contribute to the loss?

DR NELSON: Well look I’m not going to get a, you know, a retrospect-o-scope out on that.

“Let me just have a listen with my retrospect-o-scope.”
“Thankyou, Dr Nelson.”
“No worries. Now take a deep… did you know I’m a doctor?”

Any time you’re standing around at a party and the topic of phobias comes up, it’s inevitable that at least one person will profess to have, or have had when they were younger, a fear of clowns.

They’re lying.

I blame Seinfeld. Until 1992, when the episode The Opera went to air, coulrophobia was a relatively rare phenomenon most people hadn’t even considered. In their desperation to prove how quirky and Kramer-like they were, unimaginative Seinfeld devotees began claiming this phobia en masse as a ready-made point of individual difference.

Obviously, it doesn’t work when everyone else is saying the same thing.

These were the kind of people who railed against anchovies on pizzas in the late 1980s — not because they’d ever eaten anchovies and found them unpalatable, but because Michelangelo of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fame didn’t like them.

Eventually, the rash of people who claimed to have a fear of clowns became so virulent that it infected the next generation, so that now even people who were barely born when The Opera went to air — like 17-year-old Alamela from Australia’s Next Top Model* — carry on with the painfully unoriginal charade.

In short, when you ask someone about their phobias and they tell you they have a fear of clowns, what they’re really saying is that they have a fear of not being able to come up with a snappy, interesting enough answer.

Essentially, it’s a fear of being seen as dull — which is fair enough. So GrodsCorp is here to help.

Next time you’re tempted to succumb to the tired old clown meme, choose instead a fear from the following list:

       • Ferns
       • Black people
       • Margarine
       • Terry McCrann
       • Wheels

You’ll be an instant hit.

* Yes, I watch it. Get fucked.

Will you please just give up the keys to the Lodge and fuck off?

Just like people who aren’t satisfied with one birthday a year and have to have 13 of them, the unceremoniously dumped former Prime Minister of Australia, John Howard, can’t accept that it’s over. His grand farewell tour of the world rolled on into its sixth month with another farewell gig in Sydney last night.

In his speech, to party faithful in Sydney last night, Mr Howard also said that despite the “propaganda” of the Labor Party, his government had been kinder to the poor, the underprivileged and low-income earners than the Hawke and Keating governments before it.

[…]

Mr Howard was speaking at a tribute dinner organised in his honour to raise funds for the NSW Liberal Party.

I’m not even going to comment on that.

But here’s a bit of unintentional hilarity from Annabel Stafford at The Age.

The 1200-strong crowd, which included Liberal heavyweights (sic) such as Dr [Brendan] Nelson…

LOL!

Remember John Howard’s trademark niggling over those pesky words such as “sorry”, “regret”, “apology” and “responsibility”? Here’s Johnny on indigenous reconciliation.

JOHN HOWARD: “I committed the Government to pursuing reconciliation the night that the Government was re-elected in October of last year. I believe that this resolution will make a huge contribution towards the cause of reconciliation. It does not, as a resolution, impose a blame or a guilt on present generations for past misdeeds. But it does recognise the truth about Australia’s history.

MATT PEACOCK: It doesn’t say sorry.

JOHN HOWARD: No, well…

MATT PEACOCK: Is that important?

JOHN HOWARD: Well, no, what is important, Matt, is what is positive out of what was passed yesterday. I am not, like Aden Ridgeway, I am not going to get hung out about, hung up about this or that word or this or that expression.

And here’s Johnny on interest rate rises.

Well, I said I was sorry they’d occurred. I don’t think I actually used the word apology. I think there is a difference between the two things … I think we’ve been through that debate before, haven’t we, in the context of something (else) … I very much regret the interest rate rise. I’m sorry it’s happened. This word game about apologies and sorry has been invented by the Labor Party to divert attention from the fact they don’t have an economic policy to put downward pressure on inflation and interest rates.

New Liberal leader (sic) Dr Brendan Nelson has clearly taken lessons in the Howard art of word manipulation judging from this effort on the topic of inflation.

The fact is that we do not have an inflationary crisis. What we do have is an inflationary challenge that needs to be addressed and it needs to be faced.

Oh, I see. It’s a challenge and not a crisis. But why then, Bren-doc, does this challenge need to be addressed and faced? That sounds like a crisis to me.

There’s no inflationary crisis but clearly there’s an inflationary challenge that needs to be addressed. And in addressing that inflationary challenge it’s important that we take into account that our economy is slowing. We’ve had two official rate rises from the Reserve Bank since November last year. We’ve also had increases in interest rates from the banks outside official movements. We’ve got the full impact of the global liquidity crisis yet to affect and wash through the Australian economy.

Whoa! Settle down, Brendan! It’s a global liquidity challenge, not a global liquidity crisis.

Congratulations to GrodsReader Skeptic who has recently given birth to twin girls (or at least his partner has.) Skeptic is seeking suggestions from other GrodsReaders “as to the appropriate lefty indoctrination I should now be following to make sure the little ones are participating in group thinking and other socialist-related activities?”

My advice is to ensure that the girls’ first non-breast food is a latte. Leave your advice in comments.

The people’s football club, GroupthinkFC, has been a deserving target of ridicule due to its string of poor results that make the Melbourne Demons look like a genuine premiership chance. But last night things began to change.

You see, the person at the sports centre who is in charge of grading made a monumental error when placing us in division three. Despite the awesome presence of our captain first-among-equals, Jeremy Sear, and the daunting confidence of Ant Rogenous and myself, this person at the sports centre graded us well beyond our actual ability. After our fourth humiliating defeat in a row Jeremy approached this person at the sports centre and firmly suggested that we should drop a few divisions — a suggestion that the person at the sports centre took on board after checking our results and breaking into hysterical laughter.

So last night the glorious GroupthinkFC ran onto the field as division twelve’s newest team and brought honour to the people by narrowly losing 5-4. Our five game plan seeks to ensure that by round ten we are consistent winners and that our prowess with the soccer ball has communicated our message of socialism for the people far and wide.

Stay tuned.

Once a week for GroupthinkFC indoor soccer matches I strap on my money belt, put a can of mace and a rape alarm in my pocket, and leave the safe and familiar surrounds of Brunswick in Melbourne’s inner north for the unfamiliar badlands of the eastern suburbs. Before this season I’ve never bought a zone two public transport ticket and now I know why zone two residents have the king shits with trains (when they arrive) and drive their cars instead (even though most have no choice.) If I choose to leave Brunswick before 6pm for a return trip to the soccer venue it costs me a whopping $10.10 for a daily ticket, and if I leave after 6pm it drops to a slightly more acceptable $5.50 for a two hour ticket that is valid all night. Highway freakin’ robbery, I tells ya.

Last night I deliberately planned my journey so that I was catching the 6.02pm train from Brunswick and I dutifully pumped $5.50 into a ticket machine. I sat on the (late) train into the city listening to my iPod and thinking about the awesome service I was receiving in exchange for my money. At Southern Cross I alighted in order to catch a second train out to the badlands and standing on the platform I was horrified to discover that my ticket had gone missing from the pocket it was sharing with my iPod.

I swore loudly and profusely.

Fuming, I approached the ticket barriers where two bored ticket Nazis were waiting to arrest people for making eye contact. I explained that I had lost my ticket and would need to be let out of the barriers to purchase a new one to complete my journey. Of course they looked at me skepticly and prepared to fine me in triplicate, but I think the “if you fucking dare try to fine me or even reach for your ticket book I will go Martin Bryant on your arse” look on my face dissuaded them and they reluctantly let me through.

So I ended up paying $11.00 to make a return journey from one part of Melbourne to another. I should just buy a car.

Ever since an illiterate, ranting blogger by the name of Iain Hall stumbled across GrodsCorp in November 2005 he’s been a favourite target of ours. In the two-and-a-half years since that fateful day Iain has discovered the spellcheck function in Microsoft Word (set to US English, of course) and refined his blog design somewhat, but has continued to maliciously stalk anonymous bloggers (Jeremy Sear, Bridgit Gread etc.) and threaten those whose identities are known (by calling their workplaces etc.)

A couple of weeks ago Ant revealed how easily he tricked Hall into outing him as an imaginary person, and today Random Brainwave and GrodsCorp’s John Surname has proven, once and for all, how much of an unethical, stalking scumbag Iain Hall really is.

For the record, we were planning a very special group photo shoot and special edition GrodsDrink podcast episode (emailed directly to Hall) if the scotch arrived, but it was not to be. I tells ya, I could taste that scotch.

It’s worth noting that Hall put the scotch bounty on The Happy Revolutionary’s head in response to Hap allegedly calling him a paedophile; apparently this was justification enough for the stalking and the harassment and the rest. However, here is Iain Hall writing about me at his (now archived) Being Nice blog.

I understand that you are training to be a teacher can you give us some thoughts on that? Do you get close to your students?

The Editor is going away on a teaching placement to an aboriginal settlement called Anangu in deep outback South Australia for three weeks and hopes desperately that things will be back to normal when he gets back on May 23. Please use this time to peruse anything that works on the site and maybe fire off a few nasty emails to “Da Shop” on our behalf. Anyway, touched a 15 year and 10 month old girl’s breasts with her consent, . But now, in the climate of fear over pedophilia this “outstanding teacher”, as described by his principal, staff and students, has lost his job and had his career, and probably life, destroyed.

Hypocrite?

But why is this post entitled “End of an era”? Well, I always intended the scotch reveal to be the last official mention of Hall on GrodsCorp since a man of his calibre ultimately deserves to be completely ignored and, frankly, his presence on GrodsCorp cheapens us even more than Fleshlights (if that’s possible.) So unless the scotch does arrive in the mail this will be the last ever Iain Hall post on GrodsCorp.

Truly the end of an; era.

The Happy Partisan reports the initial action.

GrodsCorp reports the reciprocal action.

Half of me wants to watch the multimedia and the other half doesn’t.

Bron has been doing an awesome job organising GrodsCorp’s anti-emotional terrorism protest at the East Melbourne Fertility Control Clinic on May 24 and I totally intended to plug it in this week’s GrodsThink but totally forgot. Here’s the photo I emailed to her last night to prove that I had it written in the rundown.

So as part of my penance here are the details of the protest.

Where: Fertility Control Clinic, 118 Wellington Parade, East Melbourne

When: Saturday 24 May, 10am-12pm

Enemy: Helpers of God’s Precious Infants (who emotionally terrorise women seeking treatment with religious propaganda and disgusting signs)

There will be a boozy debrief after the protest at a local pub.

An unfortunate photographic angle over at Bek’s Blog.

Nice, um, handbag.

There is some weird shit going down at The Midnight Sun.

When it comes to Israel, people like THR are blinded by the Master of lies himself and hence find it very difficult to think rationally about the subject. The future of Israel is a part of a larger spiritual battle between good and evil. Many times those to be found railing against the alledged ’sins’ of Israel are simply pawns in the game.

Real weird shit.

The Editor, John Surname, Jeremy Sear, Keri, Chuck A. Spear and Craig discuss:

* Teh gays
* Cab driver and teacher strikes
* Austrian hostages in basements
* SBS hidden cameras
* Ronaldo’s man-whore problem
* Bill Heffernan vs. Justice Kirby in the GrodsThink naked cagefight

** Because Ant Rogenous is using all the bandwidth to download instructional Fleshlight videos use only the “Play in popup” link or the “Download” link. **

 

 GrodsThink 15 (6 May 2008) [32:01m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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