So, I’ve blogged about this before, as has Scott. The proposed Islamic school in Camden, the resulting outpouring of xenophobia and hypocrisy, and the publicity given to this stupid bint. Oh yeah, and bleatings about some fucking cemetary.

Yesterday in the SMH, there was a report about the appeal against council’s decision, with some familiar names, as well as new ones, making some bloody awful bigoted statements. Again. In fact, I was struck by how paranoid these freaks sound. There seems to be a new level of hysteria in their ridiculous statements.

Check them out. From the aforementioned stupid bint, Kate McCulloch:

…said she was “no redneck xenophobic racist like the media have put to me”.

“Let’s start making people understand that the Western way of life is the best way of life,” she said.

Yeah, well, she’s not exactly reaching out to them to make them “understand”. There are so many other things wrong with that statement as well: the “Western way of life” is undefinable, for one. Second, it’s subjectively not the “best way of life” – maybe for her it is but it’s not for everyone. Third, many Muslims live in the West. So what? I really don’t get her at all.

Moving on.

Judith Bond said the school would teach war and how to kill.

“Values of violence will be emphasised. It will be a breeding ground for terrorists … There will be a surge of gang rapes, looting and attacking infidels,” Ms Bond said.

I don’t even need to comment on this. Its utter stupidity and offensiveness speaks for itself.

Next.

The area’s Christian values were threatened by the proposal, said another resident, John Waterhouse, who warned Christmas decorations and nativity scenes would be “pulled down or withdrawn on some sort of process of religious nit-picking”.

Describing Camden as “the mouse that dared to roar”, he said he did not want prayer mats unrolled in shops or “[our] teenage daughters subjected to demeaning taunts wearing jeans, shorts or T-shirts”.

I really don’t know where to start with this one… Or maybe I’m just feeling sicker and sicker with the blatant bigotry and ignorance.

But on the opening day of the appeal to the Land and Environment Court on Tuesday, council’s barrister, Craig Leggat, SC, opened his evidence with a letter signed by a group of the region’s Christian leaders, who said Islam was an ideology with a plan for world domination.

Hang on, I thought traditionally it was the Jews who were planning world domination? Has anyone notified ZOG about this?

Come on, Camden. You can be better than this.

She’s back…

Controversial former politician Pauline Hanson will attempt to win a seat in the Queensland parliament at the March 21 state election. Ms Hanson confirmed today that she will again make a tilt at a parliamentary career, but declined to confirm where she will stand.

“I will be standing,” she said. “I’m sorry that I’m quite evasive about this at the moment, but there’s a lot happening and I just can’t say too much.”

…and she’s going to make a killing:

Registered political parties may claim reimbursement of election campaign costs, up to the level of their entitlement, in respect of those of their endorsed candidates who gained at least 4 per cent of the formal first preference vote in the electorate contested. The entitlement is calculated by multiplying the total of eligible votes received by the election funding rate indexed annually (currently $1.54737 for 2008/9).

In 2004, when she made a half-arsed run at the federal Senate, Paauuuline sucked almost $190,000 of sweet mother’s milk from the taxpayer teat. In 2007  it was almost $213,000. These most-recent funds were paid to her United Australia Party (a mum-and-dad operation, run from a one-room office at the rear of Dr TingTong’s boarding house in lower Ipswich) – however Paauuuline whipped it out of the party’s bank accounts before you could say “xenophobia”. Don’t dare question her though: she gets really cross and shows you ’rithmetic and fancy tables and stuff.

Hanson is virtually unelectable now, however there remains, especially in Queensland, a small cohort of loopy tin hat-wearing housewives, pensioners and rugby league supporters  - and probably a few blogers (sic) – who are still silly enough to vote for her. It’s potentially possible for her to run in state and federal elections for the next decade or more and clear a couple of million from the AEC’s swag. Something must be done, even if it is slightly undemocratic, to stop this idiotic bigot cashing in on her fading celebrity.

In 2007 we saw Slapfight I.

In 2008 we saw Slapfight II.

But in 2009 we’re still waiting for Slapfight III. Come on, Croatian and Serbian youths of Melbourne! Don’t let us down.

We all know that Andrew Bolt is a savage critic of the Rudd government, but did we really think he’d go this far?

THE Federal Government plans to crack down on alcohol companies making a mockery of its alcopop tax by producing drinks that look and taste exactly like the ready-to-drink products, but are technically beer.

[...]

But its efforts have been undermined by alcohol companies. Independent Distillers – producer of popular alcopop brands such as Vodka Cruiser and Pulse – recently launched a “malternative” called Bolt, boasting that it bypassed the alcopop tax. The product comes in blueberry, raspberry and passionfruit flavours and is up to $25 a carton cheaper than pre-mixed spirits. Last week, one retailer was selling two four-packs of Bolt for $16 – equivalent to $2 a drink.

There you go, boys. Just in case you felt slightly queer drinking Cruisers, you can now enjoy a Malternative lifestyle. Or, I don’t know, you could just drink beer!

I understand that the experience of drinking Bolt is similar to reading his column – a mild feeling of nausea, followed by a proper ralph in the gutter outside the TAB.

Update: Proving that he doesn’t just stop at malternatives – Andrew Bolt’s semi-autobiographical film Bolt has opened in the US. It tells the story of his rise from lowly cadet to uber-Opinionist. Critics expect it to make more money than An American Carol.

If you ever want to write an easy blog post, all you have to do is click on a contentious article in the Herald Sun and read the comments left by those pitchfork wielding rednecks who often seem confused by the confounded keyboard. “All them keys! The pictures…they’re…moving!”

Sadly, these idiots have apparently worked out how to make it to The Age’s website. Today The Age published an article on Indigenous people being concerned that the latest batch of tourism advertising promotes “trampling” of their culture. Fair enough, right? Would you graffiti the Vatican? Or urinate in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher?

Of course not. But for some reason, even though Indigenous culture goes back over 60,000 years (yes, that’s even before Jesus), Aboriginies should take their made-up “culture” and get fucked. Or at least that’s how readers of The Age see it:

“Typical. The aborigines (sic) are never happy. I am sure if they were paid they would say their ancestral spirits were at peace. The biggest problem with aboriginal (sic) ‘culture’ is that it is undocumented. So they make things up as they go. Oh my God, there’s money in it! Look another sacred site!”

“Of course this issue has come up. I smell a con for cash as compensation. “

“I suspect the filmakers (sic) sought and were granted permission. I also suspect that the people complaining did not get any kickbacks from the filming of Australia.”

“Will they ever be happy ??”

I can’t imagine what didn’t get approved. I’ll be updating this post throughout the day with new comments as they come in. As I write this, eight comments have been posted, and all of them are negative towards Indigenous people.

Aren’t Australians just salt of the earth?

Watched The Muppet Movie last night (Retro Wednesday simply GOES OFF at GrodsNewHQ — we like to rock the party) and was shocked to see that the irony of the name of the beauty pageant won by Miss Piggy totally escaped me when I last watched the film as a youngster.

You have won second prize at a beauty pageant. Collect a carton of ciggies and a sixer of Beam and cola.

Here we go again. Camden makes the news for all the wrong reasons. This time it’s not about the Islamic school proposal that got knocked back, but about a cemetery. Yeah, a cemetery.

AN ISLAMIC cemetery will be built in the grounds of a historic Anglican graveyard near Camden where plans for an Islamic school were rejected this year following fierce community opposition.

The Lebanese Muslim Association paid $1.5 million for the St Thomas Anglican Cemetery at Narellan in July. The site has space for almost 4000 bodies and will help overcome an acute shortage of gravesites in Sydney.
(source)

Fair enough. I can’t see why anyone would object to Muslims paying a substantial amount of money for a bit of land in which to bury their dead, just like the Anglicans do. Shows that even Muslims honour their dearly parted ones. *gasp!*

Except for this moron, going by the name of Len English, who claims to have 33 relatives buried at the cemetery. He gives a history of who the relatives are and how they came to be buried in Camden but I’m not going to repeat that here, because frankly, I don’t give a rat’s arse about his dead rellos.

He does say this dopey statement: “The Friends of St Thomas did all they could to save the cemetery and even approached council to see if they could help in the purchase of the site from the Anglican church. The church had no right to sell the cemetery land in the first place.”

They had no right? Says who, Len? The Anglican Church owned that land, they can sell it if they want. End of story. Stop quibbling over something that doesn’t belong to you and your “Friends of St Thomas” mates.

Then he goes on to say this, pretending to be OK with “migrants” but effectively exposing himself for the racist bigot at the same time: “I’ve got nothing against migrants but when they want to take over your cemetery…”

Boo fucking hoo!

Oooh yeah, the migrants, the big, bad scary migrants who are taking over a bit of land! Besides, they haven’t taken over the cemetery, you fucking tool; they’ve BOUGHT a VACANT tract of land, LEGALLY! But wait! What if they were, say, Pommy or Kiwi migrants? Or is it because these “migrants” that Len refers to are Muslim? And besides, how does he know they’re “migrants”? Could there be a possibility that many Muslims are actually Australian born and bred, Lenny? I am in awe of his ability to know these things by drawing upon his own intolerant assumptions.

Seriously, what is it with Camden lately? I know not all Camden-ites are bigoted but this is just unbelievable. When will turds like Len English, Emil Sremchevich and Kate McCulloch realise that notions such as “heritage” is ever-changing, ever-evolving and always malleable? And what are the bets that Mr English and his mates would object to, say, a Catholic, Jewish or Wampanoag Indian burial plots next to the Anglican plots?

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Back in May of this year, it was decided by Council that there was not to be any Islamic school built in Camden on “planning and development grounds”. Others said this was bullshit: the rejection of the proposal was to appease the racist and xenophobic sentiments that were running high and out of control at the time. Religious intolerance was blatantly feverish. Who can forget the gutless, lowly act of putting the heads of two pigs on stakes on the site of the proposed Islamic school in November last year? Who can forget the pin-up girl of racism and bigotry, Kate McCulloch and her horrid statements such as, “We don’t want [Muslims] not only here, we don’t want them in Australia. They’re an oppressive society, they’re a dictatorship… The ones that come here oppress our society, they take our welfare and they don’t want to accept our way of life.”

Religious intolerance is well and alive… well, unless there are plans for a Catholic school to be built in the same area.

The same dickhead who objected to the Islamic school, the president of the Camden/Macarthur Residents’ Group, Emil Sremchevich, has not seen the Development Application for the Catholic proposal yet. However, he reckons they’ve “ticked all the right boxes” and that “Catholics are part of our community so we should be supporting it on this basis alone. We have to welcome them. To become part of a community, you need to live in the community. You can’t just turn up.”

You can’t just turn up? Then, Mr Sremchevich, go back to wherever you came from! You weren’t invited either. No one ever gets an invite. We all just turn up, one time or another.

The Quranic Society correctly pointed out that Mr Sremchevich’s comments are racist. How did he respond to that? Very, very poorly. Who the fuck made him the president of the Camden/Macarthur Residents’ Group?! The guy is absolutely hopeless!

This is how he responded: “Why is that racist? Why is it discriminatory? It’s very simple: people like some things but don’t like other things. Some of us like blondes, some of us like brunettes. Some of us like Fords, some of us like Holdens. Why is it xenophobic just because I want to make a choice? If I want to like some people and not like other people, that’s the nature of the beast.”

My reaction, upon reading his feeble rationalisaton, was one of utter disbelief. People, it seems, are nothing more important than a mere car model or a hair colour.

And it’s not xenophobia but a choice for this wanker? Wrong. There are no choices in liking some people and not others. Singling out one group of people for condemnation based on religion is xenophobia, not a choice. Xenophobia being the fear of the “alien” or foreigner. Many Catholics in Australia are foreigners, come to think of it.

What a fucking idiot.

Yes, we are making fun of youse. And we are also bastards.

More Rice-fuelled stupidity:

After queueing hours for an autograph, unsuspecting admirers were told the Olympic medallists [Stephanie Rice and Eamon Sullivan, appearing at a Melbourne shopping centre] would sign only Davenport-branded clothing. Some fans swore and left.

After 2 1/2 hours in the Myer basement queue, St Albans woman Jade Gunn, 21, burst into tears when Rice told her: “We only do Davenport.”

Ms Gunn spent about $300 to fly to Sydney on Tuesday to get the pair’s signatures on a T-shirt, but missed them at the airport… Ms Gunn said she had skipped work-for-the-dole job training to be there yesterday and she might lose benefits.

Memo to Ms Gunn: it occurred to me that you might intend forging a career online, flogging off oodles of Rice-Sullivan memorabilia: signed pics, old cossies, plaster-casts of Steph’s man-pouch, etc. But if that’s the case you’re going about it entirely the wrong way. For one thing, there’s no need to obtain genuine signatures, as most of the crap on e-buy is homemade. A permanent sharpie and a faded old pair of Speedos is all that’s required. Just make sure you spell their names right. Not too many little love-hearts though, like those on your fingers. Avoid the semi-colons too.

Alternatively, you could just get a real job, like the rest of us. Just a thought.

I had the misfortune to be at Highpoint this morning and in a queue at K-Mart. In front of me were two boganettes, having what was obviously a private conversation but demonstrating no obvious concern for privacy. The more vociferous one was named “Koily”, the other one’s name I didn’t catch so I’ll call her “Shazza” as it seems most fitting. This is a record of their discussion, as I could best commit it to memory:

Shazza: She’s a fucken bitch, Koils, I tell ya… she only gives a shits (sic) about herself.
Koily: Yeah… fuck, d’ya know what happened last week?
Shazza: Worr?
Koily: I was down the plaza talkin’ to Kerry and me ‘phone was in me front pocket, like this [gestures to faded acid-wash jeans] and I dunno how but it fucken dialled her up, and Kerry and me were like slaggin’ her off, and fuck she heard it all through the ‘phone mate…”
Shazza: Fucken hell, worr happened?
Koily: Nuffin, I aint seen her since, I fort I should like ring up and explain but then I thought ‘nah fucken why should I?’ so I didnt.
Shazza: Worr was youse sayin’?
Koily: Umm like how she rooted that married guy from Supercheap Auto and then denied it and when she spewed in Melissa’s bath and didn’t even say sorry or nuffin, and how shes a fucken bitch to my sister and talks all the time about how she went to Thailand, big fucken whoop.
Shazza: Fuck her anyway, she deserves ta know, fucken slag.
Koily: She’s been up herself since she got that job at the casino (???)
Shazza: She shoulda got a job at Showgirls, ‘cept she’s got no tits.

At this point the line progressed, they were served and the conversation paused indefinitely - thank God.

Men of Australia – don’t go cheating on this woman.

Together, let us sit upon the ground, sing sad songs and chronicle the end of John ‘Sam’ Newman’s television career:

Thursday – Newman sees footage of Tasmanian tourism minister Paula Wriedt, finds her attractive and expresses a desire to “come on her”. He is pulled into line and castigated by James Brayshaw, who Newman tells to “shut up”. He writes off the incident as a misinterpretation.

Friday – Nine defends Newman for the umpteenth time. The producer of The Footy Show  suggests he’s done “nothing wrong”, and that Newman is “horrified” his comments might have been taken in a sexual context. Despite apparently having nothing to apologise for, Newman ‘phones Wriedt to apologise.

Saturday – Female MPs predictably call for Newman’s removal from the show. Wriedt’s father admits that she was upset by the incident.

Monday - Wriedt attempts to take her own life and is rushed to hospital for emergency treatment.

Now, nobody in their right mind would suggest that ‘Sam’ Newman is directly responsible for Wriedt’s suicide attempt. Reports suggest that Wriedt had many more pressing issues in her life than a single smutty remark: a second marriage breakdown, separation from her two children, the burden of being a state minister, a failed bid for the deputy leadership and declining voter support. But it cannot have helped. The crass comment drew unwanted media attention to Wriedt at what was obviously a difficult time in her personal and professional life. Newman was not aware of Wriedt’s personal situation but that’s precisely why more respectful and circumspect commentary or ‘comedy’ is necessary.

This could be the last straw for Nine, which has ridden with Newman over many blips and freefalls but has probably had about enough. To use a term from one of ‘Sam’s own personal obsessions, he may find himself ejaculated from television forever.

It has always been my contention that footballers are muscle-bound mannequins with the ethical and intellectual capacity of Rhesus monkeys, overpaid and glorified beyond all logic and social value; that football clubs are clusters of selfish, misogynistic, homophobic ego with some gold paint slapped on the outside by PR suits; and that most footballers’ wives are vacuous, moribund clothes-horses whose moral compass hasn’t pointed ‘North’ since they were about 12. And these stories from the past four days do nothing to dampen my faith:

1.Alex Fevola, who back in December 2006 said “her marriage to football star Brendan was over”, has a preening, Wynettesque essay in today’s Herald Sun, so hideously erratic and self-obsessed that wouldn’t sound out of place if you read it on some 14-year-old’s Myspace. According to Alex, Brendan has done very little wrong (pissing on a wall was “insignificant”) and, like, he’s a good footballer and, like, a good dad so get off his case, okaaaay? No mention in Alex’s whine about Brendan jumping a bar in Ireland to belt some guy who refused to serve him. And nothing about his fly-in-fly-out fuckathons with similarly-smitten bimbo Lara Bingle (Alex seems to have developed amnesia since then).

2. Sam Newman, only a few weeks back from a Nine-imposed hiatus from The Footy Show for sexist denigration of a female journalist, opens his heart to tell viewers of his desire to ejaculate on a member of the Tasmanian state cabinet. Worse, he then insults everyone’s intelligence by trying to explain it away as something else, while Nine says that Newman has “done nothing wrong”. Newman’s mate Neil Mitchell will undoubtedly be on-air tomorrow defending him (Mitchell describes Newman as a “cutting-edge comedian”, further proof that the 3AW ego-for-hire couldn’t tell his arse from his elbow, whereas Newman seems to have mistaken his knob for his cerebrum.)

3. Fisherman-with-microphone Rex Hunt is up in arms when the media comes calling in relation to a road rage incident Hunt was allegedly involved in. “I couldn’t care less what people think of me” says Hunt, while refusing to deny that he was involved in the clash where a cyclist received a possible broken finger. Back in 2006 it was revealed that Rex couldn’t care less what his wife thought either, when his ‘cash-for-gash’ exploits (one of Newman’s quaint terms) were exposed in the media. Rex was less camera-shy in 2005 when he was punched by some teenagers in Byron Bay and wanted to share his pain, annoyance and social commentary with the world. Yibbedy-yibbedah.

4. Former Richmond player Andrew Krakouer cops 16 months in the slammer after a vicious assault outside a nightclub, where he kicked his victim in the head repeatedly. If Andrew wants advice on prison life he could call his dad Jim, who served nine years for attempting to smuggle amphetamines across the Nullabor back in the 1990s. When Krakouer Snr. was paroled in 2004, he was feted by the football media as a man trying to rebuild his life and become a good father and role-model to his son. Don’t think it worked somehow.

There are exceptions to every rule and there certainly are to this one. But throw others like Wayne Carey, Gary Ablett, Jeff Farmer, Ben Cousins, Daniel Kerr, Alan Didak, Dean Brogan, David Dench et al into the mix and it becomes apparent that while AFL footballers past and present make up 0.04% of the population, they seem to generate a much greater proportion of crime, scandal and social disruption. The odd thing is that nobody seems to be acknowledging the fact or asking why.