Oh dear. Andrew Bolt has gone into martyr overdrive today in celebrating the ten year anniversary of his column in the Herald Sun.

Here’s yet another page or more of me telling you what I think. Such arrogance.

And the worst is that this has been going on for a decade. In fact, it was this week 10 years ago that I was given this twice-weekly column.

Bolta reckons he’s learned a few lessons in those ten years. Let’s have a look at them one-by-one.

Lesson 1: Don’t be shy. If I don’t fill this column space, it’s sure to be filled by an even greater idiot.

Proof?

For instance, if I hadn’t filled this space with columns warning that then Labor leader Mark Latham had character flaws that could “completely destroy not just Latham, but Labor”, you’d almost certainly have had to read the exact opposite, given almost every other columnist supported him.

Truth be told, I didn’t realise that Bolta was single handedly responsible for Mark Latham losing the 2004 election. I was under the impression that Latham was single handedly responsible for Latham losing the election.

Lesson 2: Toot your own triumphs.

As shown. After all, when you start criticising fellow journalists, you’re up for pack-payback, and it’s wise to give readers some reason to think you’re not as advertised: a “village idiot”, “extremist”, “lap-dog”, “mad professor”, and, of course, “racist”.

Of course, Andy. You talk yourself up only to defend yourself. Nothing to do with being full of yourself.

Lesson 3: Facts seem barely to count against a moral crusade.

So Bolta has made it his stock in trade to counter with carefully selected facts that support his own moral crusade.

Lesson 4: The more moral the campaign, the less likely journalists are to tell the truth.

[…]

Here, for instance, are some of the facts which I found the more fashionable journalists refusing to report for fear the truth would destroy their Truth.

- The world stopped warming in 1998.

- No one can name even 10 Aboriginal children stolen from their parents just because they were black.

[…]

- Several people “helped” by euthanasia guru Philip Nitschke were not dying, or even in pain.

Name just three, Andrew. Just three. (Also, do you like the way he uses a capital ‘T’ for the other journalists’ “Truth”?)

Lesson 5: Reporting facts that others won’t will make you seem mad.

Oops.

Your seeming mad has to do with other things, Andy.

Lesson 6. But being wrong hurts more than being mocked.

At first that wasn’t so. Who wants to be thought evil or dumb?

But keep your job and your cool long enough, and the truth will quietly out.

If there’s one thing that Bolta has never been able to keep, it’s his cool. A shriller, more grumpy “journalist” the world has never seen.

Lesson 7: When facts alone don’t count, naming and shaming might.

[…]

I started to call Prof Robert Manne, the leading theorist of the “stolen generations”, its leading “propagandist” instead, and I challenged him: “Name just 10 truly ‘stolen’ children.”

Personalising it like this invites revenge, that’s true, and can seem too nasty. But it can also hotly prod a response when cold facts don’t.

Manne, enraged, decided to take our debate public - to the Melbourne Writers’ Festival - and the rest is history, Manne and his list included. Just name 10, Robert.

Oh, I see. All that shrill stuff is just a journalistic tool to out Truth (sic). Makes perfect sense.

Lesson 8 - There is no “everyone”.

When someone says “everyone agrees”, they usually mean everyone like them - and that is especially true when “everyone” is the teacher-preacher class that hogs microphones, pulpits and newspaper keyboards, drowning out debate.

And Bolta sure does have a hard time getting heard. He has a twice weekly, full page column in Australia’s best selling newspaper, he appears regularly on several radio stations, he is a panelist on Insiders, and next week he’s following in Timmeh Blair’s underwhelming footsteps and appearing on Q & A. Those damn lefties and their debate-stifling ways.

On the set of Insiders I had to be given the lone chair on the far right of the screen. This, because I had the nerve to share the judgment of most Australians over four elections.

Hearts fucking bleed, Bolta.

But what is the moral of Bolta’s tale of self-love?

And that brings me to the ultimate lesson I’ve learned over these 10 years: that it’s best to write for your readers, not your peers.

Some may think you a fool or a bighead and too often wrong. But if most figure you’re just trying your best to describe things as they are, you might just have a job for a decade.

And may you bring us regular doses of “journalistic” hilarity for another ten years to come, Andy. Happy birthday.

The Editor, John Surname, Ant Rogenous, Jeremy Sear and Craig discuss:

* Nukes
* Hybrid cars
* Dagwood dogs
* Fashion and dress codes in education
* Nudity and the fall of the Roman Empire
* Lesbians

** Because Jeremy Sear’s new copy of Windows Vista has crashed again, use only the “Play in popup” link or the “Download” link. **

 

 GrodsThink 20 (10 June 08) [31:20m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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Yesterday Jamaica’s Usain Bolt sprints across the line in 9.71 seconds to break the world 100-metre record … and Melbourne’s Andrew Bolt was even quicker with a wild and wilful misinterpetation of an analogy:

The Bishop [of Stafford] is … arguing that men who imprison and rape their daughters are really no worse than leading scientists who dispute the causes and dangers of global warming, which is further proof that this cleric is as stupid as he is hysterical.

Actually, that wasn’t what his Bishopness was arguing at all. His exact words were that the actions of Austrian incest freak Josef Fritzl “represents merely the most extreme form of a very common philosophy of life: I will do what makes me happy, and if that causes others to suffer, hard luck.” He didn’t liken them at all; he didn’t standardize their actions or use one to absolve the other. Nor did he refer to scientists, as Bolt claims, but rather to the general public. The bishop was simply suggesting that self-serving attitudes result in harm to others, whether on a local or a global scale.

Not so you’d notice from Bolt’s post, seeing how he snipped this quote:

“In fact you could argue that, by our refusal to face the truth about climate change, we are as guilty as he is – we are in effect locking our children and grandchildren into a world with no future and throwing away the key. We are right to be disgusted at these crimes. But mere disgust is too convenient. There are lessons for all of us to learn.”

…down to this…

“In fact you could argue that, by our refusal to face the truth about climate change, we are as guilty as he [Fritzl] is…’’

He also overlooked the fact that the Bishop’s remarks were clearly understood and appreciated by a director of the Lucy Faithfull Foundation, a charity that works with victims of child sex abuse. At least someone there is able to read and comprehend an analogy, not jump off the deep end, arms flailing, because if references both kiddy-fiddlers and carbon-squanderers.

Git.

I’ve got to admit that I almost feel sorry for Andrew Bolt. Watching Gordon Ramsay on television a few weeks ago he fell in love. There was something about Gordon Ramsay — a man’s man with conservative values and masculine pride — that made Bolta’s heart beat a little faster.

I like particularly the standards Ramsay upholds and which drive him to fury when transgressed.

Ramsay, you see, thinks hard work honours man. Slackers drive him spare: “You might as well just f… off.”

He thinks if a job is to be done, it’s best done well. Sloppiness is an insult to a worker’s dignity. A moral crime.

He thinks if you’re taking a man’s wage, you owe him a day’s labour. Those who bludge on their boss are called “cheats” and the worst, like the manager of Dillons, are out the door.

He thinks reason beats irrational sentiment. If orange paintings of what seems global warming turn off customers, then too bad if the owner loves them to sentimental tears; they must go to save the restaurant.

He thinks some authority is better than none when you want things run well. Three managers in one chaotic restaurant get pared to one, despite the tears, because collectives and group fuzzies just don’t work.

Yet he also believes in loyalty and teams - the little platoons of society that are the bedrock of a community.

But just like a lot of desperate crushes this love was not to be. Imagine Andy’s feeling of rejection when he discovered that Ramsay wasn’t quite the man he believed him to be (with a bit of groupthink thrown in for good measure.)

My faith in Gordon Ramsay’s good sense has been shaken. Tim Blair exposes another eco-hypocrite - a global warming prophet in a Ferrari, and with a disturbing taste for banning other people’s little pleasures.

Having your heart broken is no joke. My thoughts are with you, Andrew.

School sets low targets for student scores to ensure that targets are met.

“The modified course only needs to contain one assessment task (maybe the easiest one). The student only needs to get 50 per cent to get an SA (satisfactory achievement) or 15 per cent to get an RA (recorded achievement). It’s that easy!”

President sets low target for reducing carbon emissions to ensure that target is met.

Mr Bush has unveiled a plan to halt the growth of US emissions by 2025…

The Editor, John Surname, Ant Rogenous, Jeremy Sear, Keri, The Happy Revolutionary and Craig discuss:

* Kevin Rudd’s world tour of the world
* Plain English
* The republic
* Climate change alarmism
* Incest
* Keith Windschuttle vs. Archie Roach in the GrodsThink naked cage fight

** Because downloads of Kevin Rudd’s salute to the US Prez on YouTube have caused congestion in teh intertubes use only the “Play in popup” link or the “Download” link. **

 

 GrodsThink 11 (8 April 2008) [33:22m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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1) Matching words with action… sort of
Victorian Premier John Brumby on Friday addressed a climate change summit and called climate change the “defining issue of our era.” We’ve heard this kind of crisis talk from Brumby and others for quite some time now but it’s very rarely matched with concrete action. On Friday Brumby pledged an extra $72 million for renewable energy projects, but in terms of the government’s overall expenditure, and the scope of the problem as declared by Brumby, $72 million is a drop in the bucket. Signing a “memorandum of understanding” with a Bill Clinton climate change foundation means nothing. Announcing that Parliament House will now be powered by green energy at a cost of $90,000 per year just makes me ask why it wasn’t already. Time for Brumby to stop talking and start doing.

2) More Prodos audio goodness
You’ve probably heard about racial vilification but have you ever heard about carbon vilification? Listen (if you can stand it) to Prodos‘ podcast interview with a svelte looking fellow from the Carbon Sense Coalition. You see, carbon is not a pollutant because we’re all made of carbon and it triggers our impulse to breathe.

3) David Oldfield throws gauntlet
Is 2GB’s overnight presenter David Oldfield (ex-One Nation royalty) so desperate for program content that he issues invitations to appear on his show to any blogger that gives him shit? Broken Left Leg questioned Oldfield’s claim that he is “A nationally successful sportsperson” and immediately received comments from Oldfield’s wife, Lisa, defending David’s sporting background. After a bit more comment argy bargy Lisa Oldfield extended a formal invitation for BLL and other commenters to appear on David’s show.

David would like to extend you and your reader, a forum for you to explain your manifesto in a fair environment with equal air time, so if you are up for it, would you like to join David in the studio ? Name the day, to discuss any topics, of your choosing, that are of concern.

Kind regards,

Lisa Oldfield.

So will Broken Left Leg go on the show? And will he post the audio for us all to hear?

I won’t be taking part in Earth Hour tonight. That’s not to say that I oppose those who are planning to take part, or that I’m going to turn on every light and appliance in my house in protest; it’s just that I don’t think it’s the right thing for me to do. While I believe in human-induced climate change and believe that it’s a significant challenge that we face, I think that Earth Hour is a bit too heavy on symbolism and a bit too light on action. Don’t get me wrong — symbolism is important but it must be backed by concrete action.

As Matthew Warren reports in today’s Oz, only 8% of NSW homes have signed up to “green” power (sourced wholly or in part from renewable sources), rising to 12% in SA and 15% in Victoria. Most people cite cost as a factor in their decision not to upgrade to green power. It’s easy to turn off the lights for an hour but it’s a much more gutsy and honourable decision to pay an extra dollar or two a week to actually make a difference.

At home we try hard to do our bit. We pay about $130 per year on top of our normal electricity bill for 50% Green Power accredited energy, we turn off the entertainment unit (TV, DVD, sound system) and other appliances at the wall when they’re not being used, we have energy saving globes in all suitable light fittings. But we’re not perfect. We don’t turn off everything at the wall (for example, the modem and wireless router are always on), we still use the pre-installed halogen downlights in the kitchen, and sometimes we absent-mindedly leave lights on when we’re not in the room. But the important thing is that we’re making a real effort.

I also despise the way that Earth Hour has turned into a giant marketing carnival as sub-tabloid newspapers and corporations try to out-green each other in declaring their commitment to Earth Hour. Nothing’s surer to turn me off participating in an event than when it turns into a Live 8 style corporate wankfest with a thin sheen of noble cause barely disguising the scramble for branding opportunities.

Again, I bear no ill will towards those who decide to dim their lights for an hour tonight, for if it triggers personal action then it can only be a good thing. But don’t come sermonising if taking symbolic action without real and ongoing action is enough to cleanse your conscience and “raising awareness” is your only goal.

Within three minutes of being asked if I would like to become a regular GrodsCorp contributor, I channelled Woody Allen for help and developed an ulcer in my stomach and called myself a shlemiel.

The pressure was on. The pressure to integrate myself into the GrodsCommunity as a worthy contributor meant that my debut post would have to be original, witty and instantly win the hearts and minds of lefties everywhere and incur the wrath of RWDB elsewhere. It also had to be Sydney-specific, to establish myself as the Sydney correspondent.

What better way to do that than to somehow invoke the gloomy spectres of Tim Blair and Andrew Bolt, I thought first to myself. No, was my immediate second thought. That was too easy. I needed something more illustrious. Something that was not going to sully my inaugural post. But it nevertheless had to be something to cause a widespread outbreak of collective frothing and foaming at the mouths of wingbats everywhere.

As I turned a corner onto Oxford Street in Sydney to a cafe on Thursday afternoon, deeply troubled by my personal circumstances, I was confronted with banners on lamp posts so large that I immediately knew what I was going to write. Only it wasn’t writing so much as pasting an image for all the global warming warmening sceptics out there.

EARTH HOUR banners adorn all of Sydney. OK, just Oxford Street in this instance.

There’s a LOT of them.

Tada. That’s my grand entrance out of the way. Sure, it was original, but the witty part failed miserably (and yes, I’m pre-emptively putting the boot into myself. Must I explain everything?). At least you cannot get any more Sydney than seeing a photo of Oxford Street, Darlinghurst, home to the gay community, kinky adult shops and nude live shows, and a liquor store beautifully named Lick Her Shop.

Oh, the hilarity.

The Federal Opposition wants Prime Minister Kevin Rudd to use his upcoming meeting with United States President George W Bush to lobby the US to sign up to the Kyoto Protocol.

Bwah! Ha, ha, ha!

Mr Rudd arrives in Washington this morning… Opposition climate change spokesman Greg Hunt said Mr Rudd should… urge the US to follow Australia’s lead and sign Kyoto.

“When George W Bush came to Sydney they forgot to raise climate change,” he told Channel Seven.

“They” forgot to raise climate change? “They”? Is this “they” the ALP who were then in opposition and completely powerless to implement policy? And Greg Hunt is criticising them for not discussing Kyoto with Bush last year? (Actually, maybe Hunt was at the time all too aware that his joke of a Party were dead in the water come November.)

Is this the Greg Hunt that is a member of the party that was in power for eleven long years and never once put the word on the USA to sign Kyoto despite the close personal relationship between its leader and the US President?

Besides from being a Herculean backflip this is just further repudiation by the Liberal Party of everything that John Howard stood for and his policies driven by personal ideology.

It’s raining, it’s pouring in Melbourne. Global warming has been definitively debunked.

I guess the wingnuts were right all along: Al Gore is a fatty boombalada.

Tim Blair’s winged monkeys commenters not group-thinking:

I didn’t think Andrew Bolt could gobsmack me anymore, being largely desensitised as I am to his drivel, but I was terribly wrong. I’m gobsmacked that has just sunk to new intellectual lows with this amazing distortion of facts.

ABC climate alarmist Robyn Williams last year predicted global warming could make the seas rise 100 metres by just the end of the century. Since he spoke, the seas should have risen 1 metre by his calculations, and drowned low-lying cities like Venice.

But, good golly:

No gondola rides were on offer in Venice on Tuesday as the canal city known for its struggle with ever-rising water levels was instead left high and dry by an exceptionally low tide.

Experts predicted that by Tuesday afternoon water would be 70 centimetres (28 inches) below sea level after a record 80 centimetres below was set on Monday, the ANSA news agency reported… The lowest level reached before Monday’s record was minus 77 in 2005.

The exceptionally low tides in Venice were caused by a nearby low pressure system. They’ve happened before; they’ll happen again. Venice is also plagued by floods (the last as recently as three months ago), so severe that the Italian government is building a huge series of underwater dikes (walls, that is — not the kind that Bolta has in his private video collection.) What Bolta’s getting so worked up about is a natural variance that has nothing to do with the theory of human-induced climate change that he is so, so desperately trying to disprove.

But never let facts get in the way of a good old distortion, hey?

When I watch that ad with the black CO2 balloons coming out of the light fittings, and then the dude puts an energy efficient light globe in, and the half-released balloons reverse their inflation and start to re-enter the light fittings, I can’t help but think of the feeling one would experience whilst pooing if trying to suck a turd back in after it’s already halfway out.

Just saying.

Al Gore made a telephone call to his friend in Denver on Sunday causing a snowstorm to move in and block roads.

Last night on the telly Jeremy Clarkson drove an SUV to the north pole on the frozen sea, saw a couple of polar bears and did not fall through the ice.

Today in Melbourne the temperature will only reach 24 degrees in the middle of summer.

Taken together, these three events logically signify the final demolition of the human-induced global warming theory. Let’s all buy a top fuel dragster!

The Editor notes: I have been nominated as Tim Blair for the day by Broken Left Leg. BLL’s instructions dictate that I pass the baton to a blogger that will be Tim Blair for tomorrow. I tag Jeremy. Of course.