I was leafing through DVDs in the school library yesterday when I came across a disc from Narcanon — the drug rehabilitation arm of the “Church” of Scientology. How it got there I have no idea, but I simply had to borrow it out and take a look.

How cool is that ’80s German indoor sports centre-style font and logo?

Reading the accompanying literature I quickly worked out that it was a free promo kit sent out by Narconon to try and convince the school to pay for drug education talks run by the Scientologists. Now, the Narconon approach to drug education and rehabilitation has been pulled apart quite comprehensively elsewhere so I won’t waste much time here on Grods, save to point out how hilarious this particular DVD and leaflet were.

Let’s start with the video which I’ve helpfully uploaded to YouTube for your enjoyment. Try really hard not to picture Patrick Swayze in Donnie Darko while you keep in mind my favourite bits:

* Picture of a young schoolgirl, full of hope and promise. Dissolve to a depressed looking emo kid with smudged eyeliner. V/O: “What a terrible waste it is to allow something like this… to turn into something like this, just for the sake of learning a few facts about what drugs are and what they do.”
* The brilliantly meaningless scribbles on the blackboard.
* The highly scientific and charisma-free claim by the educator (sic) to the strains of corporate video soundtrack that, “A drug is basically a poison. (Leans forward, leans back.) Okay? (Claps hands.) A small amount makes a person (walks like a chicken) hyper. Some more of the same drug puts a person (feigns sleep and snores) to sleep. And a whole lot of the drug (holds arms wide) in a short period of time (brings hands together and claps loudly) knocks a person dead.”

Nowhere in the Narconon video or the leaflet is the link to Scientology disclosed. The credits note the influence of L. Ron Hubbard in small print while the book simply says this.

Narconon was founded in 1966 by William Benitez, who was an inmate of Arizona State Prison. Benitez read a book by American author L. Ron Hubbard, and became familiar with Mr. Hubbard’s drug rehabilitation methods.

But the “educator” shown in the video, Charlie Tonna, is extremely active in the “Church” Of Scientology (he became an Operating Thetan IV in 2002) and the patron (Kate Cebrano) and board of Narconon are all Scientologists. Plus, Narconon Australia pays a percentage of its gross income to Narconon International which belongs to a company with strong Scientology links.

However, if the freaks are going to talk to the kiddies without referring to any Scientology and without spruiking their Scientology-based services, then why not give them a chance? Here’s what the book says.

Narconon found that the drug education methods currently in use are not always getting the desired result with children or adults. The use of drugs and alcohol amongst young people is still on the increase and both children and adults, once hooked, find it very difficult to escape the addiction.

Fair enough. But what exactly have they got to offer that’s so different to other drug ed programs?

Narconon has also discovered the powerful role of humour in getting through to people. We found out through survey results that the more humour we used, the more dangerous people thought drugs were and the less likely they were to try them. We don’t just tell people to “say no”, we educate them to come to that conclusion on their own.

Well, I certainly laughed my arse off at Charlie Tonna and the video, but probably not for the right reasons. I doubt this is the comedic reaction they were after.

The whole Narconon spiel screams “scientific basis” about as loudly as the theory of intelligent design. It’s all about vitamins vs. drugs, simplistic statements about drugs’ effects on the body, and “mind pictures”.

The mind is basically made up of pictures, and all the information that a person uses in one’s life comes straight from pictures. This talk graphically demonstrates this phenomenon and shows the link between drug use and the blank spots that occur in one’s mind following the taking of drugs. It also covers which drugs actually scramble one’s pictures and how this can lead to further drug abuse.

The most surprising thing to me was that schools in Victoria have actually let these freaks inside their buildings, if the testimonials on the Narconon Education website are true. But seriously, ask yourself as a parent (or a potential parent): would you let these people near your kids?

One of the things that most Australians would agree on is that this country should have a decent public health system that is more than just a safety net, with a private health system available for those who choose to use it and are capable of paying. We shudder at the thought of an “Americanised” health system where one’s access to the health system is contingent upon the ability to pay.

The Howard Liberal government (the party of “choice”, remember) tried very hard in its eleven years to maximise the number of people with private health insurance by making it uneconomical to do otherwise. The taxpayer now subsidises 35% of private health insurance premiums, there is a penalty for not taking out health insurance before the age of 31, and taxpayers without private health pay a sizeable levy towards Medicare when they earn over $50,000.

But the Rudd government today announced that the Medicare levy threshold would be increased for the first time since 1997.

Under the current system, middle-income earners pay an average levy of $600 if they are not privately insured and the changes will see the threshold increased to $100,000 for singles and $150,000 for couples.

Ms Roxon says the threshold has not been adjusted to keep pace with wages since it was set in 1997.

“At that time when the threshold was $50,000 a year, average wages were well under that at around $34,000 a year,” she said.

“Now you can be earning less than the average wage and still be hit by the Howard government’s threshold. We don’t think that’s fair.”

Of course the opposition has opposed the move which they see as some sort of bizarre reverse discrimination.

Federal opposition leader Brendan Nelson says the Rudd government’s Medicare levy reforms are a cruel “con”.

Dr Nelson said the move to double the salary required before a taxpayer without private health insurance pays the levy would only have negative affects.

“There is absolutely no doubt that as a result of this fewer people will take up private health insurance,” Dr Nelson told reporters in Sydney today.

[...]

“The pensioners and battlers of this country, some of whom used to go without food to pay for their private health insurance, are now going to find they have to pay higher premiums,” Dr Nelson said.

I’m sorry, Brendan, but if the pensioners and battlers of this country are forced to go without food to pay for private health insurance because they’ve been given no choice by the Howard government then your party should be ashamed of itself. The health funds are starting to suggest that Medicare should be means tested but clearly many Australians who can’t afford health insurance already feel like they have no choice.

The Editor, John Surname, Ant Rogenous, Jeremy Sear, The Happy Revolutionary and Craig discuss:

* Sin tax
* Whingeing musicians
* Chair sniffing
* Wilson Tuckey vs. Bill Heffernan in the GrodsThink naked cagefight

** Because of the pernicious lack of Brendan Nelson bashing in this episode use only the “Play in popup” link or the “Download” link. **

 

 GrodsThink 14 (29 April 2008) [32:38m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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School healthy eating schemes to tackle obesity are driving teenage girls towards eating disorders, according to new research.
Attempts to drum home healthy eating message were making pupils acutely aware of their weight and inadvertently driving some to potentially dangerous behaviour, the Loughborough University researchers said. (Source)

So if we want to stop childhood eating disorders, The Ed and his Maoist comrades-in-chalk need to stop making fat kids feel fat by promoting healthy body types (yes, it’s all their fault again). As a community service - and to help The Ed out with his teachering - I’ve provided some useful lesson ideas and phrases to avoid this situation in future:

“Boys and girls, this is called ‘celery’. Blleeeeeeeaaaaahhh. Have a donut.”

“It’s a lovely day today, kids… bugger PE, let’s break out the nachos.”

“Self-esteem is very important, Grade Five. Go home and smash all the mirrors.”

“Listen up now for an important a commerce lesson: ‘How to get full value from upsizing’.”

“Today we’re going to go to the Library and research a great person from history. You can choose from John Candy, Chris Farley, Ricky May, Rodney Dangerfield or Kim Beazley.”

“Flab has benefits, boys: if it hangs over far enough, no-one can see your weiner in the showers.”

“You can be morbidly obese and still play sport … just look at Groupthink FC. And you can’t see their weiners in the showers.”

Next stop on Bren-doc Nelson’s Magical Listening Tour bus!

It is not often that you have the opportunity to sit with a group of Australians that are prepared to open up and explain the hardships that they and their families face.

Except for every day of your Magical Listening Tour, according to your diary.

I had such an opportunity at the Frankston Private Day Surgery today with families from different circumstances but who all have at least one child with insulin dependent diabetes.

I hope you said, “Do you know I’m a doctor? Can I help?”

Sandy – a sole parent – has two insulin dependent children and became quite emotional when she was explaining that she could not afford the $16,000 necessary to provide an insulin pump for her children.

Insulin pumps have been an outstanding breakthrough in the management of insulin dependent diabetes, keeping blood glucose levels at a stable level and therefore reducing the crippling long-term consequences of uncontrolled diabetes and reducing also life expectancy.

I bet you know that because you’re a doctor.

These families – in some cases with three children suffering from insulin dependent diabetes – have found life extraordinarily difficult. The constant attention to diet, exercise and weight, interaction with the medical profession and battling to balance jobs with family commitments is nothing short of inspirational.

It will require $35 million over three years to provide 5,000 insulin pumps for Australia’s insulin dependent children. We should put our kids first and make this funding available to them.

John Howard had eleven years to do it. And he would’ve if that $35 million secured him more than just 5,000 measly votes.

I will be focused on the Government’s Budget to see whether they deliver for these children and their families.

Australia breathes a sigh of relief knowing that you’ll focus on that one small aspect of the government’s budget, Brendan.

Hi, I’m Brendan Nelson. Do you know I’m a doctor? I’m here to help with your colouring in.

Remember Ant’s post about pamphlets being distributed to letterboxes around Melbourne’s suburbs? Well, the author of a letter to the editor of The Melbourne Times has totally pwned Mr Rogenous.

What’s the real problem?

I am writing regarding a recent article about the pro-life pamphlets being distributed to residents “MLA condemns abortion pamphlets”, TMT, March 19). (sic)

The fact that disturbs me most about the pamphlet drop and subsequent media coverage is that all the outrage was focused on a letter drop. Yes, it is disgusting. Yes, it is graphic. This is happening every single day in our country.

And what is horrifying people the most is that they are exposed to these images? Where is the outrage that babies are being destroyed? What was actually disturbing about the pamphlet distribution? Pictures on a piece of paper, or the fact that this kind of dismemberment, destruction and torture is a condoned daily practice in our country?

Madeleine Tope / Bundoora

Your turn, Ant.

Don’t get me wrong. I think that actors’ jobs can be stressful at times and that they can get just as tired and frustrated after a long day at work as the rest of us, but it’s still not exactly a hard life. Last weekend’s Sunday Life magazine out of the Sunday Age had two profiles: one on actor Guy Pearce and one on an emergency and trauma doctor.

Guy Pearce talked about working on box office flop The Time Machine and how it was, like, really tough and stuff.

The Time Machine “was tricky. It went on for so long…” says Pearce. One director, Simon Wells, withdrew due to stress. Panned on release, the flick struggled to recoup its $80 million outlay.

[...]

As matters grew messier, Pearce succumbed to stress, what he calls “head noise”. When shooting ended the Aussie headed for home. “The whole thing felt like overload. Around that time, I smoked more marijuana than the entire country put together. I went by myself to Cape Leveque [in the Kimberly] to sort myself out.”

He lugged around 30 books on Buddhism and his guitar. The guitar was soon ditched (”this wasn’t about being creative”) in favour of meditation. “I needed to stabilise myself. To learn to concentrate, to breathe.”

So a film shoot goes bad and Pearce takes half a year off to go bush, smoke pot and “breathe” to get over it. A couple of pages later Dr Rohan Laging talks about a bad day at his office.

“I’ve had a death every week for the past three weeks, which is a bit of a rough run. You go back and try to think about what you could have done differently but,” he ticks off procedures on his fingers, “I did that, I did that, I did that. But I couldn’t have done anything. It’s particularly unpleasant.”

One patient four years ago sticks in Laging’s mind. He was an elderly general practitioner with an inoperable “triple A” — an aneurysm in his abdominal aorta. He was the first to die under Laging’s care.

[...]

When the man died, Laging told nurses he needed 30 minutes off.

Really puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?

UPDATE (9/3/08): Chuck has kindly linked to a very relevant video in comments and noted that it probably speaks for all of us.

Timmeh Blair has long been a favourite target of GrodsCorp’s in the sub-real world of blogging, but the news that he has been diagnosed with cancer is cause to come up to the real world for air and take a deep breath. This kind of thing helps you put immature blog wars into perspective and think about the stuff that really matters.

I wish Tim all the very best with his treatment and hope that he makes a full and speedy recovery so that we can resume calling each other silly names like school kids sometime in the near future. Good luck, Tim.

Following on from Ed’s Gloria Jeans revelation, fundamentalist nutjobs certainly seem to be thick on the ground at the moment. One called Brita Stream (is it just me or does that sound like a water filtration product?) is doing the rounds as a guest speaker, peddling the claim that abortion causes breast cancer. Just like evolutionary science causes brain tumours and not donating to Hillsong causes leprosy. Brita is eminently qualified on matters scientific: she was Miss Oregon 2002, after all.

A loosely-connected bit of weirdness… News Limited reports that Queensland is the UFO-sighting hub of Australia, with more than 100 of last year’s 128 sightings coming from there. The Glasshouse Mountains is listed as an alien ‘hotspot’ so I’m curious about whether authorities have received information about any “U;F;O;s”. Good to see also from the online story that News is recruiting its picture subs from the Chaser.

Today a press release from some company flogging ‘Himalayan Goji Juice’ flittered onto my desk. I don’t even know what a Goji is or how you juice one but it’s wonderful stuff apparently - if you drink lots of [expensive] bottles it’s a great a multi-vitamin, skin conditioner, hair shampoo, appetite suppressant, aphrodisiac, contraceptive, eyesight restorer, etc. None of this has been verified by independent studies, except in China (coincidentally the world’s biggest exporter of goji berries) so the jury is very much out on the mystical powers of said juice.

What caught my attention was that the Goji Juice website is registered to a Mr. Neil Mackintosh of Timaru, NZ - and Neil also runs the curiously-named It Will Pass site. Amongst the bizarre conspiracies gathered on this Intertube are assertions that:

The Australian Taxation Office is an illegal organisation
The Port Arthur massacre was a government conspiracy
Home-schooled kids are geniuses (Jesus was home-schooled!) and…
School children are corrupted by teachers, drugs, pornography and society
A good wife should just shut the hell up and get on with the dinner
Hotel California is actually the hymn of a dark satanic order
A collection of ‘wise quotes’ by Jefferson, Orwell, Voltaire and… Neil Mackintosh

And, naturally, a variety of pages extolling the benefits of goji juice.

There is much to be condemned about Tony Abbott’s conflict of interest between his religion and his job, just as there is much to be condemned about the government’s blatant bias in excluding pro-choice organisations from its pregnancy counselling service’s advisory council. But one thing you can’t accuse the government of being is backward in declaring its bias. GrodsCorp can exclusively reveal the design of government advertisements for the anti-abortion pregnancy counselling service and it shows that women who contact the service will be under no illusions as to the nature of the advice they are likely to receive:

Tony Abbott has again come out swinging against therapeutic cloning of embryonic stem cells, this time accusing scientists of peddling false hope in order to gain a research advantage:

Mr Abbott, who is strongly opposed to therapeutic cloning, today lashed out at “evangelical” scientists, accusing them of giving false hopes to sufferers of crippling diseases just to get “a leg up” in their research.

[...]

“People are asking us to cross a very serious ethical bridge for no good reason because there is no strong evidence that this kind of research is actually going to produce the massive breakthroughs that people are claiming,” Mr Abbott told ABC television.

So apparently there’s no strong evidence that successful treatments will be developed, but scientists believe there’s a chance that they might. By expressing this belief (based on a much deeper knowledge of the subject than Abbott will ever have) scientists are trying to further their research. And why would they want to further their research? To help cure disease? Abbott’s right — these scientists clearly have some evil ulterior motives.

Is Tony Abbott seriously suggesting that medical science has never before made a breakthrough without “strong evidence” in the early stages of research? And what exactly is he suggesting about the motives of those conducting stem cell research? That they are doing it for personal gain rather than to find cures for crippling and lethal diseases?

Oh dear. Abbott’s religious conflict-of-interest is starting to cause him trouble again. As Julia Gillard said in response to his comments: “I think Tony Abbott as health minister has actually got an obligation to keep the debate calm and keep it focused on the facts.” Good advice.

UPDATE 21/8: Revealed: Evil scientists’ ulterior motive. “Human-animal hybrids.”

Ted Baillieu is still a Liberal, but he’s already proven to be one of those Liberals near the top of the scale of respectability. Laying out policy as he kicks off his leadership of the State party, Baillieu has sensibly reversed the most idiotic policy of predecessor Robert Doyle (half tolls on EastLink), and flagged a couple of respectable positions. Who would’ve thought that the Victorian Liberal leader would support decriminalisation of abortion and voluntary euthanasia? Who would’ve thought that they would (with qualifications) support a reduction of greenhouse gas emissions from Hazelwood power station and construction of wind farms? A few things there for Bracksy to think about.

Tony Abbott has continued to apply the Liberal party policy of “Nanny State When It Suits Us”, this time in relation to petrol sniffing in remote Aboriginal communities. An Access Economics report released this week showed that the cost of providing unsniffable fuel throughout Aboriginal South Australia and Northern Territory would be only a fraction of the cost of providing health care to petrol sniffers. On Lateline this week Abbott said, “I am not sure I do have the power to simply dictate that various communities around the country will use a certain sort of petrol.” Host Tony Jones wondered about the compulsory nature of seatbelts. Replied Abbott: “That is a State issue, of course, the law governing seatbelts.”

Abbot went on to say that parents should simply take away their children’s petrol. Vicki Gillick, coordinator of the NPY Lands Women’s Council noted that, “We don’t expect parents in the suburbs of Melbourne or Sydney or Adelaide or Perth or Darwin to deal with heroin in that way. We don’t expect them necessarily to grab heroin or other hard drugs from their kids.”

Petrol powers cars but in central Australia it is also a highly dangerous drug. Why won’t the Government be as hard on this drug as it is on heroin or cocaine? There are certainly no financial barriers.