I am going to quote from an article, and I would like you to try and guess what the article is about.

Talk about toilets remains taboo in much of the world, but not in the Netherlands where personal health and hygiene matters are popular topics of conversation.

The winner will contest the seat of Mayo for the Liberal party.

There was a moment this morning — tears streaming down face and sides hurting from laughing — when I considered posting the most awesome-est FAIL Blog video I have ever seen. But then I decided that reposting videos from insanely popular blogs onto my own very not insanely popular blog was a bit lame so I didn’t. But then I watched the video again, and showed it to a few people here at work, and after I’d literally cried with laughter for the fourth time I gave in and knew I simply had to post it. Enjoy!

A little while ago, our beloved Ant Rogenous had a spray at people who claim to have a fear of clowns, and what a spray it was.

Full of rage and anger and loathing for the world at large, Ant spat out:

Any time you’re standing around at a party and the topic of phobias comes up, it’s inevitable that at least one person will profess to have, or have had when they were younger, a fear of clowns.

They’re lying.

Ant believes this fibbing affliction can be blamed on an episode from the brilliant Seinfeld:

Until 1992, when the episode The Opera went to air, coulrophobia was a relatively rare phenomenon most people hadn’t even considered. In their desperation to prove how quirky and Kramer-like they were, unimaginative Seinfeld devotees began claiming this phobia en masse as a ready-made point of individual difference.

Ant backs this theory up by using examples such as people suddenly deciding they hate “anchovies on pizzas in the late 1980s — not because they’d ever eaten anchovies and found them unpalatable, but because Michelangelo of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fame didn’t like them.”

I’ve always hated anchovies AND I’ve never seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, so I don’t know how Ant can explain that. I still don’t know how he can explain watching Australia’s Next Top Model either, as he freely but gruffly admitted in the same post. But I digress.

He was so convinced that people who dislike or have a fear of clowns must be faking their dislike/fear, that they must be lacking in originality or a sense of humour. Something like that.

However, I now have proof that even the toughest of the tough are frightened of clowns, and it’s got bugger all to do with Seinfeld. However, I do not expect Ant Rogenous to be backing down from his theory anytime soon, stubborn ol’ goathole that he is. Still, it must be posted, this marvellous photo:

Oh, glorious day! My lolcat fridge magnets from I Can Has Cheezburger? have arrived! They look snappy on the fridge next to the Snakes And Ladders.

Here are all the little magnets you get.

And here are four quick lolcats I made when the package arrived.

I foresee many dozens of happy hours in the kitchen coming up.

Out on yard duty this afternoon. Kid walks up holding back of head.

“I hit my head on the monkey bars,” he whines.

“How hard?” I ask.

Kid holds his palms about 30cm apart.

“About this hard.”

I blame public schools.

This is just simply beyond hilarious. Words fail.

(Cheers, Wah!)

UPDATE: Need subtitles?

A charity pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics descended into chaos yesterday when someone shouted, “He’s behind you!”

GrodsReader Bruce has finally embraced the cult of the Fleshlight and written a lovely ditty to celebrate this amazing video movie.

Sung to the tune of…

The Lady with the Fleshlight Mouth

She has a humourous sex-toy
She uses while filming a shot,
when your topic is heading south,
the lady with the fleshlight mouth.

Dubbing in some shady lean-to,
or working with Fred somewhere,
if you’re looking for a lady with routh,
the lady with the fleshlight mouth.

Lube is required whenever she’s hired,
it’s applied just before the reel.
No doll can catch her, no latex will match her,
for her fake human feel.

One cheesy shot means another jipped sucker,
Has forked over their cash,
for a price, she’ll head down south,
the lady with the fleshlight mouth.

Her eye may be on your or me,
Who will she film?
We shall see. Oh yeah!

Lube is required whenever she’s hired,
it’s applied just before the reel.
No doll can catch her, no latex will match her,
for her fake human feel.

One cheesy shot means another jipped sucker,
Has forked over their cash,
If you want someone to head down south,
the lady with the fleshlight mouth

She has such routh
She’ll film down south
With her fleshlight mouth.

007 will come again return…

That’s right, it’s Microsoft Wondows!

GrodsCorp’s favourite highly skilled migrant, jLo, recounts the amusing tale of her “ass jam” discovery and creation over at her blog. Well worth a read. But as a teaser I shamelessly republish her photograph of the “ass jam” in question.

Because it’s my birthday and the normal rules don’t apply, I hereby shamelessly post a photo sent to me via email that made me cramp with laughter. Normally email chain jokes are off limits as blog fodder but I can’t help myself. Prepare thyself…