Just when you thought Steve Fielding’s bong stunt was as low as this muppet could go in trying to attract attention to himself, he goes and does something like this.

Angry pensioners and a Family First senator have stripped off and stopped traffic on one of Melbourne’s busiest intersections in a protest against a lack of support for seniors in this week’s Federal Budget.

[…]

Mr Fielding stripped off his shirt in support of the protest, while two elderly women wore only their bras.

Several men also stripped to the waist after the protesters walked from the steps of Flinders Street Station into the intersection with Swanston Street.

Aargh! My retinas!

Fielding flagged this hideous act in one of his notorious home videos last week, but I honestly couldn’t see him going through with it. And the irony of it all is that Fielding baring his chest to a handful of bemused pedestrians in Melbourne’s city centre won’t help one bit in getting him re-elected. Face it, Steve: you and your Pentecostal mates are headed for the political dustbin of history and no stunt on Earth is going to save you.

I kinda wish I could’ve been alive for the last couple of thousand years so I was able to watch Catholicism (and other religions) try rooly, rooly hard to marry their beliefs with human kind’s developing body of scientific knowledge and our growing awareness of the universe in which we live. I mean, listening to the Vatican’s “chief astronomer” try to grapple with life, the universe and everything and not make his religion look like a pile of pants is bloody hilarious.

“As an astronomer I continue to believe that God is the creator of the universe,” Jose Gabriel Funes said in an interview with the Vatican mouthpiece, the Osservatore Romano.

Even if “we don’t currently have any proof … the hypothesis” of extraterrestrial life cannot be ruled out, said Mr Funes, a Jesuit priest who directs the Vatican’s observatory at Castel Gandolfo, near Rome.

“Just as there are a plethora of creatures on Earth, there could be others, equally intelligent, created by God,” he said.

So far, so good. Nothing too weird there. But…

Original sin, which by Christian tradition occurred in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit of a particular tree, refers to the fallen state from which humans can be saved only by God’s grace.

Asked about the difficult theological question, Mr Funes said: “If other intelligent beings exist, it’s not certain that they need redemption.”

They could “have remained in full friendship with their creator” without committing the original sin, he said.

Oh dear.

If not, extraterrestrials would benefit equally from the “incarnation,” in which Jesus Christ, the Son of God, assumed earthlings’ flesh, body and soul in order to redeem them, which Mr Funes called “a unique event that cannot be repeated”.

* smacks forehead into hand *

But all of this begs the really obvious question: what would Jesus Christ look like on ET’s planet?

JC phone home

Bron has been doing an awesome job organising GrodsCorp’s anti-emotional terrorism protest at the East Melbourne Fertility Control Clinic on May 24 and I totally intended to plug it in this week’s GrodsThink but totally forgot. Here’s the photo I emailed to her last night to prove that I had it written in the rundown.

So as part of my penance here are the details of the protest.

Where: Fertility Control Clinic, 118 Wellington Parade, East Melbourne

When: Saturday 24 May, 10am-12pm

Enemy: Helpers of God’s Precious Infants (who emotionally terrorise women seeking treatment with religious propaganda and disgusting signs)

There will be a boozy debrief after the protest at a local pub.

Every afternoon during my lunchhour, I walk past a young homeless guy, in his mid-20’s or thereabouts, sitting cross-legged against a window shop window, a little hat in front of him, and begging for a “spare dollar” from people who rush past him, pretending not to notice, see or hear him.

I am guilty of being one of those people, and it makes me feel like shit. I go through phases where I cannot decide whether it’s wise to give the homeless a “spare dollar” or whether it’s better to donate money to a homeless shelter, soup van, etc. At the moment, I’ve been going through the phase thinking that it’s better to donate to a charity. You know, so that “at least I know where my money is going”.

But I also know that in many cases, money that is donated is still not reaching certain people, people who may not go to charities for assistance, or where charities are unable to reach them, for whatever reasons.

However, I would certainly say that giving a “spare dollar” to the guy near my office is much better than the idiots who regularly give him religious tracts — usually from Jehovah’s Witnesses. Sometimes tracts from the dreadful Chick Publications are given to him (yes, I watch everything, as the guy sitting next to me on the train last week should have realised). Other times I’ve noticed the poor dude holding literature from the Scientologists.

This afternoon was no different. The Mormons who prowl on my street were looking down at the homeless dude, talking and pushing shit into his hands, no doubt exhorting that God loves him and wants the best for him. Or something.

Did they give him a “spare dollar”? Of course not. Just like I haven’t. But shit, I don’t give him useless crap like religious proselytising and cheap paper with smudgy ink and coloured drawings of an adult Jesus looking rather solemn.

Today, I stopped to ask him if he ever found the literature thrust into his hands useful. He replied, “Yeah, I use ‘em for toilet paper cos the paper is usually soft enough.”

Well, it made me laugh. He told me about some of the kooky stuff that’s been said from people witnessing to him. As he said, “All I want is a couple of dollars so I can buy something to eat for dinner tonight.” He was utterly sincere. You have to meet him and talk to him to know he wasn’t just trying to get money for booze or drugs or whatever. And he was cold, with the bitter wind whipping up the street, making him shiver underneath his thin jumper.

From now on, I’m going to give him a “spare dollar” when I see him, to make up for the useless, pointless and altogether unhelpful religious preaching about how he can made “whole again in the love and light of our Lord Jesus, Saviour.” I don’t mean to sound like a martyr, but fuck, in this day and age and in this modern city, why are the young and old still freezing and hungry and homeless? And why do religious groups think it’s OK to push Jesus’s message of caring for the poor, without following his own message, one of which was:

“If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”

I am not a Christian, but I know what the Christian message is, and I know that the Jesus these Christians apparently follow had a special concern for poor and suppressed people. Far as I know, Jesus never gave a shit about tracts and preaching and being “saved” anyway. His first concern was looking after “God’s people”.

What’s a measley dollar, anyway?

UPDATE:

I would like to see one those tract-pushing dealers wear this t-shirt:

Remember Ant’s post about pamphlets being distributed to letterboxes around Melbourne’s suburbs? Well, the author of a letter to the editor of The Melbourne Times has totally pwned Mr Rogenous.

What’s the real problem?

I am writing regarding a recent article about the pro-life pamphlets being distributed to residents “MLA condemns abortion pamphlets”, TMT, March 19). (sic)

The fact that disturbs me most about the pamphlet drop and subsequent media coverage is that all the outrage was focused on a letter drop. Yes, it is disgusting. Yes, it is graphic. This is happening every single day in our country.

And what is horrifying people the most is that they are exposed to these images? Where is the outrage that babies are being destroyed? What was actually disturbing about the pamphlet distribution? Pictures on a piece of paper, or the fact that this kind of dismemberment, destruction and torture is a condoned daily practice in our country?

Madeleine Tope / Bundoora

Your turn, Ant.

Serial goose, Family First’s Steve Fielding, is still proudly posting videos of him being a goose on the intertubes (remember his brilliant ANZAC insult?) One of his latest efforts is a rambling mess of a monologue and interview about his proposed national recycling scheme, and it is aptly entitled Steve down on the Yarra talking rubbish.

Steve’s been taking camera lessons from Brendan Nelson’s media people

Check out one of these rubbish quotes.

I’ve just stopped a couple of people here, I don’t know them. What are your thoughts about having a five cent or a ten cent recycling on the bottles of recycling?

And remember Steve’s Parliament House bong stunt? Well here is Steve telling us all about his Cash For Hash proposal.

Steve displays a plastic bottle about to be recycled into a bong

ps/- The page title of the talking rubbish clip is “Steve says hold your horses hear (sic) comes Family First”. What?

UPDATE (5.30pm): This image was just emailed to me by one Mr A. Rogenous, although I’m having trouble working out how he’s altered the original.

Perhaps this is the ‘after’ recycling shot?

The Editor, John Surname, Ant Rogenous, Jeremy Sear and Craig discuss:

* Brendan Nelson’s “vision” thing
* Mercy Ministries and Gloria Jeans
* Peter Garrett flip, flop and flapping
* Basil Brush is a racist bastard
* Andrew Bolt vs. Tim Blair in a naked GrodsThink cage fight to the death

** Because there’s still a blockage in the (inter)tubes use only the “Play in popup” link or the “Download” link. **

 

 GrodsThink 8 (18/3/08) [35:27m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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There’s a kind of unwritten protocol between media outlets that they avoid publishing the name and image of sexual assault victims, particularly minors. The victims of a touchy-feely dermatologist on tonight’s TV newscasts appeared in pixellated form, for example. Last week, religious nutter and probable MK-lookalike Julian Buchwald…

…cooked up a deranged plan: he took his 17-year-old girlfriend on a picnic, donned a balaclava and constructed an elaborate kidnapping ruse that saw them spend a week buck naked in the bush, fleeing imaginary persecutors, all part of some incredulous attempt by Julian to get laid. Some males are cursed by their lack of a Fleshlight.

Anyway, since both were missing for a week - and because clever little Julian had left behind some notes as red-herrings - their disappearance, identities and photographs were widely reported. Once they were found and it was learned that the girl was the victim of kidnapping for sexual procurement, her name and face dropped out of all major media sources except one. You guessed it … the Herald Sun:

It is alleged Mr Buchwald, of Budgeree in Gippsland, snatched his 17-year-old girlfriend C——– W—– after planning a picnic on his family’s property on March 4. The court heard Mr Buchwald climbed from the car but returned in a balaclava.

Ms W—– was then bound, gagged and spirited away on a three-hour drive to a rural property near Buchan, in East Gippsland, the court heard. Mr Buchwald is then alleged to have cut off her clothes and underwear, his victim unaware who her captor was.

If that wasn’t enough, there’s a nice big close-up of the girl’s face taken in happier times, with a caption informing us she was “…bound and stripped”. I’m sure she’ll be relieved about not having to explain the details of her harrowing ordeal to family and friends. Top marks to the Hun for thoughtfulness and sensitivity.

Every time I’m riding a tram down Wellington Parade in East Melbourne, I have to stop myself from alighting at the Fertility Control Clinic and breaking the necks of the anti-abortion protesters who stand at the gate terrorising passers-by and patients with graphic posters of maimed foetuses.

I am neither pro nor anti-abortion, but I virulently oppose this kind of wanton emotional violence.

Contrary to what these zealots seem to believe, the decision to have an abortion is not undertaken lightly. The overwhelming number of people who use abortion clinics do so under extreme stress, and arrive there having made the most excruciating decision of their lives.

Do these (mostly Christian) crusaders honestly believe their god would condone their judgemental bullying, or even reward them for it in the hereafter? The god I learned about in 15-odd years of Catholic catechism would take a particularly dim view of such despicable passive-aggression.

Anyway, my contempt for these people was thrown into sharp relief today when I received an email from my wife, E. She’d returned home from a walk with Baby Rogenous to find an anti-abortion leaflet in the letterbox, containing several bloody photographs of aborted foetuses.

E and I suffered the pain of a miscarriage two years ago. It hasn’t gone away; I suspect it never will. She was, understandably, distraught upon seeing the pictures.

Do the people who peddle this kind of indiscriminate emotional terrorism give a fuck? Does the elderly woman next door to us, who in her youth suffered years of failed attempts at pregnancy, have anything to gain by seeing these images?

What of the people who receive this leaflet who have had abortions, and who might be battling the demons of regret — as many do for the rest of their lives? Does it persuade them any more than the residual torment of their procedure already has that abortion is a course of action not to be taken lightly? That it’s morally wrong?

Does enforced guilt serve any purpose other than to compound remorse or suffering? Has guilt ever helped anyone make a resolution for the right reasons?

I don’t think I’ve ever been more appalled than I am today. For the safety of the ever-present East Melbourne protesters, I think I’ll catch the train home tonight.

I know that independent and minor party MPs and Senators need to try a bit harder than most politicians to get noticed. And I know that Steve (1.9%) Fielding, with his total lack of a mandate and even greater lack of a chance at re-election, needs to try harder than anyone else. But could he be any more of a joke if he tried?

Steve Fielding arrives at Parliament House dressed as a bong to highlight his party’s policy of a 10 cent bong recycling scheme.

In this episode The Editor, John Surname, Billybob, and Craig discuss the following:

* “Sorry”
* Brendan Nelson
* Warren Truss
* Andrew Bolt
* Education
* Bogans
* Ray Martin
* John Howard
* Russell Crowe
* Chris Johnston
* Scientology

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 GrodsCast 3 [33:22m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

In July the new Senate will sit and the Labor government is facing trouble in the Upper House where their 32 Senators are significantly outweighed by the 37 coalition Senators. The five Greens are sure to side with the ALP on most issues, bringing the numbers of the loose “left” coalition up to 37 Senators — an even match with the Libs and the Nats. That leaves two men sharing the balance of power in Australia’s Upper House: South Australian independent Nick Xenophon and Family First’s Steve Fielding. That means that the Pentecostal Church, through Steve Fielding, holds the balance of power in Australian politics on the back of 53,302 Victorian votes. Ain’t democracy grand?

So there’s no doubt that Kevin Rudd and Labor strategists are willing to try almost anything to secure Fielding’s vote in the Senate to ensure the smooth passage of their legislation. But isn’t it a bit rich to simply implement one of Family First’s policies (PDF)?

Family First: FAMILY FIRST believes that, as a first step, we should filter the worst sites at the ISP level

ALP: [ALP] Senator Conroy says it will be mandatory for all internet service providers to provide clean feeds, or ISP filtering, to houses and schools that are free of pornography and inappropriate material.

Family First: FAMILY FIRST proposes a system that allows adults who want pornography to ‘opt in’

ALP: Senator Conroy says anyone wanting uncensored access to the internet will have to opt out of the service.

There is so much wrong with this absurd policy that I don’t know where to start. Most of these things have been covered adequately in other places around the (currently un-censored) intertubes so I might just focus on two things:

1) How dare the government try tell me what I can and can’t look at on the internet? And even if I get on the phone to my ISP and demand to be removed from this ludicrous scheme, how dare they slow down my internet feed even more than it already is because everything needs to get checked against a massive blacklist of “inappropriate” sites?

2) The filter will block arbitrarily chosen websites on a static government blacklist. (Who decides what’s “inappropriate” anyway? Oh, that’s right — the Pentecostal Church.) Despite the fact that no blacklist in the world can ever contain every website that contains a single pornographic image, will the filter block Google to stop kids from clicking on this? Will it block Flickr to stop kids from signing up for a free account and searching for this? Will it block websites that aren’t pornographic but are dangerous to the minds of all sane and free-thinking humans?

Basically the filter will cost massive amounts of money, will slow down everyone’s internet feed, and won’t stop kids from seeing pornography. But it will make Steve Fielding feel all good and righteous and encourage him to return the ALP’s favour sometime later this year.

I hope Steve Fielding enjoys his three years as de facto Prime Minister because in 2010 he and his disgrace of a political party are going to disappear from the Australian political scene forever. They’ll make One Nation look mainstream.

The votes are in and Magic Bellybutton has bodyslammed John Surname 14 votes to 8 in GrodsCageFight 2. She takes home this handcrafted trophy jpeg and can place it in a dark, smelly corner of her blog that nobody looks at.

Thanks to the judges, timekeepers, coaches and parents.

GrodsCageFight 2: That politics and religion should be separated

John Surname

vs.

Magic Bellybutton

So the speakers have spoken and the debate has been debated. It’s time for you, dear GrodsReader, to review the speeches and vote for the blogger that you think is the master debater. Votes will be tallied and a winner declared at COB Thursday.