In what was surely the most shocking upset in world sport since Leon Bertrand Spinks beat Mohammad Ali in 1978, GroupThinkFC was bundled out of the finals tonight, scoring a meagre two goals against the opposition’s 10.
Still, it wasn’t a total loss. We were beaten by a team named Dirka Dirka, which can only mean they’re Islamist terrorists — which, as we all know, means Teh Left still wins.
The challenge was to lose by less than 20 goals and the mighty, mighty GroupThinkFC rose to the challenge, losing by only eight goals. With a final scoreline of 11-3 against the best team in the competition, GroupThinkFC is into the finals series! Bring on the slaughter (of us)!
Today is possibly the most momentous day in the history of sport. Ever. For tonight the mighty GroupThinkFC, barring monumental fuckup, will go through to the finals series of its soccer competition.
Is it possible that this uniform could finally demand a little bit of respect?
You read that right, GrodsReaders: GroupThinkFC + finals. This is the same team that has spent three seasons getting predictably and embarrassingly creamed on a weekly basis, but getting gradually better in the process. Better enough, it seems, to clock up a couple of genuinely good wins in the past few weeks and make it into the top four. Of course, given the form of the top three compared to GTFC we’d be slaughtered in the finals, but it would just be nice to play.
So tonight’s the last game of the regular season and Roger Rogenous (Ant’s brother) has calculated that if we lose by less than 20 goals we’re finals-bound. Mind you, if anyone can lose by 20 goals it’s the people’s football team. Cross your fingers for us and I’ll post a match report tomorrow morning.
(May or may not be a trophy I “won” for participation in primary school soccer)
After the past few weeks of humiliation we had reached crisis point, where a loss to soccer’s favouriteemos would result in GTFC members self-harming. But we won, we won by playing rooly good soccer, and we won for the first time as a complete team with nobody missing. Six glorious goals to two.
Suck shit, emos.
Luckily the game wasn’t without its funny moments thanks to the tall ginger emo who spends most of the game in goal laughing maniacally at things that aren’t funny. At one point he was on the field and marking Jeremy when he shrieked, “Stop looking at my balls! Why are you looking at my balls?” I swear that Jeremy only glanced at ginger’s balls. It was hardly a stare.
Then when the freak was marking me he said, “You look just like my friend Scott. I liiiiike my friend Scott.” Exactly how do you respond to that?
Anyway, despite the late finish we retired to bar for a quick victory beer (or cola for one member — guesses in comments.) Cheers to the mighty, mighty GroupThinkFC!
Remember the bunch of pathetic Emos that facilitated GroupThinkFC’s only win last season? And remember how we were scheduled to fight them for the wooden spoon in the final round but they got scared and didn’t show up? Well, tonight sees the highly anticipated rematch between GroupThinkFC and Target Practice, and this time it’s personal. But a win is not at all a foregone conclusion for two reasons:
1) Champion goalkeeper Ant Rogenous isn’t playing due to “other commitments”, whatever that means; and
2) I’m playing, and I’ve missed every GTFC victory due to “other commitments” or injury, causing my teammates to wonder aloud if my presence at matches is a bad omen.
Place yer bets in comments and wish us luck. Match report later.
UPDATE: A glorious GroupThinkFC victory: 8-7. Suck shit, Emos.
Last night Jeremy Sear, Ant Rogenous and I played the first game of GroupThinkFC’s third season, and at the end of round one we’re sitting pretty in third place with one win. But we lost the game 10-3. I’ll leave it up to you to study the table and work out why.
Still here! No seppuku as predicted, although last night didn’t exactly go as planned. We showed up at the sports centre only to be told that the gutless emo sops had forfeited the match, so the four points were ours and, most importantly, the wooden spoon wasn’t. However, beating such a sad excuse for a sporting team in the race away from the wooden spoon isn’t exactly an achievement to be proud of.
So we were offered two options: go home or play a replacement team for shits and giggles. We chose shits and giggles, even though there were a lot more shits than there were giggles because the team was from a couple of divisions above ours and they wiped the floor with us 10-0. They were a smart arse bunch of pricks who were head-over-heels in love with themselves. Here are the names from the back of their jerseys in reverse order of fucktardness:
JOHNNY
TTFU
BOT DIDDLE
CUMB DUNT
SO… GOOD
69 HURRICANE
Plus I — how you say? — did a hammy after only four minutes on the pitch. That makes two injuries for the season and officially makes me the most pathetic and injury-prone member of the team.
But whatever. A victory is a victory and we’ll take them any way they come — that’s the GroupThinkFC way. Bring on season three.
GroupThinkFC is gearing up for its last match of the season tonight, and it’s going to be a fierce battle to avoid the wooden spoon. Remember the team of aggressive emo mongs that we (um, everyone except me, that is) defeated several weeks ago? Well, they’re our adversaries this evening and everything’s at stake.
It’s a bottom-of-the-table battle for ultimate mong status
Only three points separate Target Practice and GroupthinkFC on the table and the winner tonight will walk away with four points. So in a nutshell: a loss tonight will force all members of GroupThinkFC to commit seppuku which, besides from creating a bloody awful mess on court four of the sports centre, will leave Bron, Bridgit and John in charge of GrodsCorp, and put Anonymous Lefty into permanent hibernation.
Actually, when you think about it that may not be such a bad thing.
It’s GroupThinkFC’s second last game of the season today, unless, of course, we make it to the finals. And that’s a real possibility when you consider who we’re playing tonight.
Think Geelong vs. Hawthorn and then unthink it. It’ll be more like Geelong vs. the Brunswick under-8s.
Trust me to be at another humiliating GroupThinkFC defeat* (3-8; congratulations to champion GTFC vs. Weezers tipster, Keri) while the exciting news of a Liberal Party leadership spill floods the airways. If Nelson does get pegged tomorrow then brokenleftleg will be our champion Nelson’s demise tipster. However, I’m hoping like all hell for one of three outcomes:
a) Turnbull is thoroughly rebuked by the party and suffers terminal ego cancer, and GrodsCorp continues to have Nelson as blog fodder for the foreseeable future; b) Costello is voted in by a reasonable majority but refuses to accept leadership unless he receives 100% support; or c) Wilson Tuckey gets up.
Whatever happens it’s going to be an interesting day. Bring it on!
UPDATE:The Age has confirmed that Julie Bishop, Tony Abbott and Joe Hockey are all out of the running for leader.
Joe Hockey, Tony Abbott and deputy Liberal leader Julie Bishop have all been pegged as potential leadership aspirants.
* I didn’t even get the chance to grab an opposition player’s balls because I was in too much pain after my balls got slammed by an opposition player’s hip.
Remember GroupThinkFC’s crushing victory over the hopeless emo soccer team, Target Practice, two weeks ago? Well, last week Target Practice went down to a team called Weezers for exactly the same score as they did GTFC: 1-14.
You’d be forgiven for thinking that GroupThinkFC were at the same standard as Weezers
Tonight GroupThink is playing Weezers and, based on the carefully selected statistic above, we look like a genuine chance. Thing is, we’ve played them twice before this season and lost both times (3-13 and 3-11). So now that you’re armed with all the facts it’s tippin’ time. Leave your scoreline prediction in comments and the winner will win… something.
UPDATE: Bridgit has noted in comments that one very relevant piece of information is missing from the form guide above: whether or not I’m playing. Remember that I’ve missed all three of GTFC’s wins.
I am playing in this match. Although, my toe is almost totally healed and my death flu is gone.
Thought I’d better post the result of GroupThinkFC’s epic clash on Friday before we resume our losing ways tonight. We beat what turned out to be the most prophetically named team in history 14-1.
But what should have been a thoroughly enjoyable milestone victory over Target Practice turned out to be a drag for several reasons:
There was a girl on the team, who got away with being the roughest of all of them because the referee clearly didn’t feel right about penalising a girl — and we didn’t feel right about decking her.
They were utterly humourless about their abilities (sic).
They pretty much conceded defeat in the first few minutes by deciding to defend for the entire match — an astonishing strategy, given how many goals we’ve had scored against us.
During the match, Testiclegate erupted, with one of their players accusing a GroupThinker of “grabbing his nuts”. Bullshit — we only ever do that to people in the bar afterwards, and almost always after buying them a house riesling.
Still, a win’s a win. Huzzah.
Toaf — who, to the eternal shame of every other GrodsCommenter*, was the only person to tip a GroupThinkFC victory — takes out the betting prize: a season pass with front-row tickets to our remaining matches, valued at $0.00.
But since he’s currently living in Nairobi, we’ll be auctioning it on GrodsBay … as soon as The Editor designs and gets it working.
* With the exception of EC, who declined to predict a result but — as always — declared her undying supportfor TehPeople’sFootballClub.
Went to camp and got a severe dose of kiddie flu. Also got really hungry because I refused to eat at a dinner table that bore this sign.
Trust me, there was more than one teacher
I was also arrested by security guards at a wildlife park for attempting to vandalise the following signs.
Death to all grocer’s
Not. A. Plural.
Then I got home with an incompletely-healed dislocated toe which, together with the flu, forced me to withdraw from last night’s almost-certain-to-win GroupThinkFC match. I’ll let Ant fill you in later. I’m too depressed.
A battle of epically mediocre proportions is looming at the Action Indoor Sports Stadium, with GroupThinkFC taking on fellow bottom-of-the-table-dweller Target Practice on Friday night in the ultimate quest for glory some semblance of dignity.
Neither of us has won a match this season (Target Practice’s “win” being the result of a now-defunct team’s forfeit).
GroupThinkFC has conceded two more goals than Target Practice but has also scored two more, which puts the aggregate slightly in our favour when the ratio of goals conceded to goals scored is taken into account.
TehPeople’sFootballClub is coming off a gallant 5-9 loss to the top-of-the-table Kectus last week, while Target Practice also found the back of the net five times in a slightly wider losing margin (5-11) to third-place Hennessy FC.
Both sides have clearly been salivating over this match for weeks — perhaps more profusely than all the other teams salivate over the prospect of playing either of us.
Let there be no doubt: if this were a prizefight, Don King himself would pull out all the stops to promote it.*
So I’m taking bets on the result in comments: correct result and closest to the score will win a prize so awesome in its awesomeness that they’ll be shocked into a seemingly underwhelmed stupor.
NB: An injury cloud hangs over The Editor, who dislocated his big toe during last week’s match. His absence on Friday night would be certain to have an impact on the result, but I’ll leave it up to you to decide what that impact might be.**
* Pending sanctioning from the boxing commission and the medical board for two obviously shot fighters. ** Hint: The Editor did not take the field in either of GroupThinkFC’s two victories last season.
