Seriously, mofos, if you read only one blog post this year make it this one by Trevor. I literally have tears rolling down my cheeks.

This ran in the Crikey email last Thursday.

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It must be pretty humbling to feel your power slipping away. And not just slipping away to an equally powerful competitor, but slipping away to — gasp! — ordinary people.

Let’s just say you’re the Australian head of a massive, global media company and that you’re accustomed to people doing what you say. You grew up in a social and business environment where money meant power, where media barons were the only people who could afford to communicate directly with large numbers of people; it has been this way for as long as you can remember, and as long as your father’s generation can remember for that matter. But one day along comes this thing called The Internet, promising to democratise the flow of information, and something terrible begins to happen: the plebs grow bold and start to rise up, empowered by having their voice heard, unworried about profit or business models. If you were that media baron what would you do? Would you adapt or would you atrophy?

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What is it with The Right and “what is it with The Left and…”?

Discuss.

Update: Darryl Mason gives us a small smattering of examples from Bolt’s blog:

What is it with the Left and violence?

What is it with the Left and vomitously vindictive snobbery?

What is it with the left and not being normal????

What is it with the left and censorship?

What is it with the Left and their purely derivative style?

What is it with the Left and Jew-hating, full stop?

What is it with the left and sticking their noses in other peoples lives?

What is it with the left and a complete failure to be witty?

What is it with the left and zero comprehension skills?

What is it with the left and denying undeniable fact?

What is it with the left and excuses?

What is it with the Left and crazies?

What indeed?

Ladies and gentlemen, sometimes you have to go out and find the internet and sometimes the internet finds you. It is my great pleasure to introduce Trevor, a brand new GrodsReader who dropped into GrodsCorp earlier to share this insight into football.

If you ask me (and my brother has) it’s the Richmond board he need to be sacked and not Terry. I remember when David Parkin walked out at 3/4 time when Carlton (the Blues) were beating us (the bombers) and I yelled GET THE GUN at Parkins direction.

I didn’t really mean to get a gun to shoot him dead like the Herald said about Terry and I didn’t mean it the way Mark “Brandon” Chopper Read did when he was going to shoot Warrick Capper in the thigh for a bet one day at Victoria Park (which was detailed in Choppers biography). My brother Wayne is a mad Magpies fan and that’s why I was at the game.

This would have been the number one viewed article because the Wallace sacking (and not sacking) was a big story last week in the news.

Trevor hails from the imaginatively titled My Blog where you’ll find stream-of-consciousness rants about football, recipes for “Trevor’s chicken soup minus the chicken”, and stunning gems of cutting edge commentary such as this:

I would like to weigh into the debate about West Coast and Hawthorn (former) coach Ken Judge’s use of a joke about Hitlers gas bill. He said some bloke was bigger than it. What people who are offended by the joke need to realise is that Hitler didn’t use LPG or natural gas and the type of gas he used on the Jewish nation couldn’t be billed in the same sense that we get a gas bill. Hitler used pellets which gave off a rather nasty smell and most probably bought the pellets at wholesale prices and he wouldn’t have paid for the pellets out of his own pocket.

This is where peoples offence get confused.

You simply must check it out.

The great man is following me.

Might have something to do with my re-tweet this morning, complete with creative hash tag.

Ladies and gentlemen, the revolution is over. Random Brainwave, formerly owned and operated by John Surname, is now in the control of Chuck A. Spear after a hostile takeover. 11 of the 15 posts currently on the front page were written by Chuck and are brilliant examples of cutting satire, while the remaining four by Surname are all complete shit.

I mean, Chuck wrote a piss-funny cat blogging post and Surname responded with a piss-poor cat blogging post; Chuck wrote a post that had a piss-funny photo of a man photocopying his head and Surname responded with a post that had a piss-poor embedded YouTube video. Give it up, John. You’ve been outclassed.

So now that you’ve achieved total victory at RB, Chuck, come and write for GrodsCorp. You’re better than that place.

Not content with denying global warming, Bolt’s brave commenters have blown the lid off another “green con” – ozone depletion.

Who could forget the insidious leftist plot to kill off the aerosol can industry? Luckily, we will always have brave science warriors to point us in the right direction.

So, GrodsReaders, which scientific battleground will The Right be fighting next? “Carbon is a leftist myth”? “Newton’s second law of motion is a leftist myth”? “Oxygen in the atmosphere is a leftist myth”?

Suggestions in comments.

How long before we hear from the nutjobosphere the word “flood” in the same sentence as “asylum seekers”?

Australian authorities have intercepted another boat of suspected asylum seekers off the West Australian coast.

Border Protection Command intercepted the vessel, with 32 adult males on board, approximately 47 nautical miles south-west of Barrow Island.

A Bolt commenter contemplates a terrible alternative reality where he might have to think for himself:

What I want to know is when the largest news outlet in Australia stopped being part of the “main stream media”.

Our friend, Wah of Club Wah infamy, reckons anyone who wears a Che Guevara t-shirt is a, well, a very annoying person. It was also a hilarious post because it drew some angry comments from Che fans, in particular this one which still makes me giggle:

If I could I would teach you a lesson and made you a “cunt” , and use you to satisfy my sexual needs! you a.. hole! Che Guevara was a big man ! not like you> a insignificant capitalist worm!
shut your sewage “canal”-mouth! It kind of stinks!

So it was with some smirking and reminiscing on my part just now when I read this whole list of Che-branded stuff:

…T-shirts, watches, sneakers, key chains, cigarette lighters, coffee mugs, wallets, backpacks, mouse pads, beach towels and condoms. He’s not only been used by politicians like the Venezuelan president, Hugo Chávez, to promote their own agendas, but he’s also been employed by merchants to sell air fresheners in Peru, snowboards in Switzerland and wine in Italy.

The supermodel Gisele Bündchen pranced down a runway in a Che bikini. A men’s wear company brought out a Che action figure, complete with fatigues, a beret, a gun and a cigar. And an Australian company produced a “cherry Guevara” ice cream line, describing the eating experience like this: “The revolutionary struggle of the cherries was squashed as they were trapped between two layers of chocolate. May their memory live on in your mouth!”

There’s something oddly perverse about cherries and the memory living on in your mouth, but I can’t quite pin-point what it is.

Anyway. Go, comrades Che and Wah!

“KG” writes a balanced, rational and measured post in response to a planned protest by Islamic students.

go shag a camel, you creeps!
Yes, it’s a deliberately offensive header. As it should be, when talking about the camelshagging raghead followers of the paedophile prophet.

Tell us what you really think, KG.

But apparently there’s a simple solution to the problems posed by these “camelshagging ragheads”: speak up.

Grow some balls, Westerners. Speak up. Speak up at least for your children’s sakes if not for yourselves… Consider this–those of us alive right now may be the only ones who can save the West.
Do it, or measure your daughter for her first burqa…..

And how is “KG” speaking up? By posting this filth behind the safety of a pseudonym on an obscure blog read only by other brave pseudonymous bloggers. Oh, and by calling for the assassination of President Barack Obama and the murder of lazy welfare recipients.

Then again, maybe poor KG’s just got his cranky pants on at the moment and he’ll be thinking a lot more rationally in a few months.

please excuse me while I go and strangle something…
I’ve stopped smoking….

Andrew Bolt:

Why is it that whenever you hear of a politician being physically attacked by a protester, you immediately conclude: almost certainly of the Left, and probably a green?

KG (of Teh Right, and definitely not a “green”):

I’m an old man now and have never for a moment thought that the asssassination (sic) of a President would be a good thing for America. Now I’m not so sure… If this man serves… a full term America may not recover from the damage done to her. The traitorous filth – installed by the media and gullible fools looking for salvation via the half-bred fixer – are on course to destroy the Republic. If it takes a bullet to avert that, then so be it.

What is it with Teh Left Teh Right nutbags of any political persuasion and violence?

A Western Heart idiot-in-chief MK doesn’t make much sense at the best of times, so there’s every chance that in this instance he’s talking straight out of his pimply arse — or, as Mr Creighton points out, is just plain confused.

But after having been alerted to the fact AWH had been deblogrolled by Tim Blair, MK tonight alleged — get this — that AWH had actually paid Tim for the privelege of being included in such illustrious company as J.F. Dreck, Andrea Harris and Andrew Bolt!

My own feeling is that, even though Tim once famously rattled a tin at his readers so he could buy himself a shiny new laptop, it’s got bullshit written all over it.

But it’s an explosive allegation nonetheless, and it raises several questions … the most important of which is this: how much would GrodsCorp have to shell out to get a guernsey?

Joe Hildebrand is a blogger and sometimes a “journalist” for the Daily Telegraph, and he fancies himself as a really cool dude whose casual esotericness makes him, well, really cool.

“Look at my cardigan, sneer, beer and roll-your-own cigarettes. I’m so different and interesting.”

He also fancies himself as a bit of a comedian.

In recent days I have discovered something I call “the inter-net” and I think it’s really going to take off. It has lots of different stuff inside your computer which young people call “web sites”.

You can find many examples on Joe’s blog of his champagne comedy like the snippet above, but one of Joe’s recent posts is perhaps the most underwhelming, cliched and predictable piece of “comedy” that I’ve witnessed since my high school’s open mic night. Let’s analyse it.

International “I’m a Little Bit Scared of International Women’s Day” Day

Today is International Women’s Day.

Now as everybody knows, I’m a big fan of women. In fact some scientists believe that without women the human race could be in serious trouble.

Oh, that’s good. See what he’s done there?

But I have to admit I’m also a little bit worried by what they talk about when I’m not around.

Never heard this setup before.

When any of my ex-girlfriends got together with even just a couple of their friends, they used to stop talking as soon as I walked in and hurriedly put away the ruler on the table.

A joke about being insecure about penis size! Brilliant!

Imagine what would happen if there were millions of them.

A million times the shit jokes about penis size?

Anyway, if you are a woman and plotting something on International Women’s Day please ease the anxiety of sexually underperforming men everywhere and for the love of God tell us what it is. Chances are we’ll agree to it just so you don’t get cross.

ARE YOU A WOMAN WHO IS SECRETLY PLANNING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD? TELL US BELOW.

Lame. Just fucking lame.

Flawless deductive reasoning as witnessed in the comments at Andrew Bolt’s blog*.

People are carbon lifeforms,
greens hate carbon,
greens hate people.
– cohenite of newcastle

With thanks to Craig who read this awesomeness and alerted me via an aborted Skype phone conversation that went just like this one.

* I accidentally typed “clog” instead of “blog” here. Freudian?