Meet the GrodsTeam
| Regular contributors |
|
When not setting the blogosphere on fire with his sage-like wisdom Scott is a teacher who rams leftist ideology down the throats of his charges and makes them sing The Internationale every morning before lessons on global warming and black armband history. He used to work in television but gave it away in order to spend four years at university enjoying sleep-ins and poverty. In his spare time, when not drinking lattes, Scott likes to make television documentaries and furniture out of bamboo. (One of those hobbies is a lie.) |
|
Dashing. Intelligent. Does it four times a night. These words have been used to describe Ralph Fiennes, and John Surname believes the time will come when he too can make passionate love to a Qantas flight attendant who moonlights as a prosititue, although it might wind up being the other way round. When he isn’t being held in police custody for attempted regicide or indecent exposure, you’ll find him hassling innocent strangers at Flinders Street Station for latte money. |
|
‘Bridgit Gread’ is the psuedonym of a XU-277, a latte-powered mainframe owned and utilised by a well-known newspaper franchise in Melbourne. Though originally designed for internal company use only, an experimental AI patch has allowed XU-277 to develop a sardonic and combative personality. Unbeknownst to her corporate masters XU-277 has surreptitiously opened portals to the Intertubies, establishing a presence on Grods where ’she’ intends taking over the world, a la HAL2000. In ‘her’ spare time XU-277 enjoys parkour, troll-spotting and orthographic fascism. |
|
The size of the chip on Rogenous’ shoulder can be calculated by multiplying the number of years he’s walked the earth by the amount of indignity inherent in having been christened a deliciously clever pun. As far as Rogenous is concerned, his mother - the late Hettie - can roast in hell, may she rest in peace. |
|
As a tireless and dedicated anti-smoking activist, Bron first rose to international obscurity for her innovative campaign and sloganeering, “GOD HATES FAG HAGS”. In a concerted effort to spread the Gospel of Tar, she would regularly don a white shirt with a black tie and black name tag and accost strangers on the street, quoting her favourite line from Letitsuck 20:13: “If a man lies in bed with a cigarette as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put onto a ventilator machine.” Since then, her prominence has abated somewhat, for reasons she cannot understand. In a desperate attempt to retain some fast-fading recognition, she has joined the team at GrodsCorp and hopes to be a good influence on bad people. |
| ____________ |
| Contributors who seem to have forgotten their login password |
|
jLo has sold her car, stored her books and bought a ticket to somewhere, anywhere, fast. She is doing the whole “working overseas thing” in an effort to decide what to do when it’s time to do the “working back home again thing”. After a month on a beach in Spain drinking from a jug of sangria with a straw, jLo was last spotted temping her work days away in order to save enough money to get back to Spain. |
|
Goobermetrics is an enigma. An enigma wrapped in a riddle. Lurking for months at a time without a single comment or post before bursting onto the scene in a fit of workplace boredom and procrastination. |
|
Nobody is quite sure what TAC does. When she starts talking about work in social situations everyone gets really paranoid about the fact that she sounds so incredibly knowledgeable and switched-on. People listen carefully, nodding in fear until the conversation can be turned to safer ground like Australian Idol. |
|
Greeny has ’sold out’ and pushes pixels by day for ‘the man’. Unhealthily obsessed with the past, he searches through relics of yesteryear to discover old ways of describing the bygone era of quondam. And he loves Nat. |
|
“The ice age is coming, the sun’s zooming in |
|
bookmanoldstyle is a proud vegetarian from Bondi. |
|
J, The is a creative type who promises to never, ever, ever, ever, again make another documentary. Especially with The Editor. Ever. |
|
Billybob is an Australian who used to be an Englishman. By day he is a mild-mannered manager in the banking sector, but at night the glasses and business shirt are ripped off like Clark Kent when he settles down to watch any English football that Foxtel sends his way. If his national allegiances weren’t confused enough already, he also has a fondness for anything Argentinean. |




GrodsFeatures



