GrodsCorp

Wannabe novelist fails at sarcasm, English

Monday 26 February 2007, 6:13 pm

The Editor

Categories: The Age

Tags: ChrisJohnston, English, sarcasm, TheAge, typing

Six weeks ago I highlighted the toxic stylings of Age hack Chris Johnston, suggesting that he might not want to quit his day job in order to pursue a career as a novelist. A quick reminder of his try-hard atmospheric writing for those who missed it (those prone to nausea should skip the next blockquote):

IT IS that time of year again. The tennis circus is here. It is all about Kooyong and then the Australian Open. More than half a million spectators will pack these compact, intimate arenas from today. The sun will beat down. The little bouncy balls will rocket around. And the players — the greatest players — will leap across the hard green of the court with their straining racquets to reach them. As the roar goes up. Then the hush. The tennis hush.

This afternoon, after executing a vanity Google search, Chris left a comment at the original post:

thanks you so much for your erudite, analytical, reasoned feedback. it’s obvious you are a media expert and also deeply familiar with the workings of The Age. again - thanks.

Just to clarify, I think that Chris has made a ham-fisted attempt at sarcasm there. You see, when he says thankyou even though he’s deeply offended it’s obviously sarcastic. However, I have no idea why his references to my supposed media expertise and familiarity with the inner workings of The Age have anything to do with anything. As long as he feels cleansed and vindicated by writing it.

Revealing of a deeper problem is Chris’ inability to use capital letters at the start of sentences. This is a man who uses words like erudite and analytical when trying to show off, so such a simple thing (press the freakin’ SHIFT key) shouldn’t be beyond him. I mean, he’s obviously a blog expert and is deeply familiar with the workings of GrodsCorp so he should know that we don’t employ sub-editors to correct his stream-of-consciousness sub-cadet quality typing.

10 Comments

novelist (Tuesday 27 February 2007, 10:38 am) #

hilarious trivia
The Editor (Tuesday 27 February 2007, 5:38 pm) #

a) I don’t know what you mean, Chris; and

b) How about a capital ‘H’ and a full stop?
Greeny (Wednesday 28 February 2007, 11:00 am) #

If that journalist/dinosaur wants to have a crack at emotive, insightful and personal sports journalism - he should really check out this piece by David Foster Wallace in the NY Times last year on Roger Federer for inspiration. Spine tingling.

(link)
John S. (Thursday 1 March 2007, 12:30 pm) #

I made fun of him ages ago when he wrote an article on Krispy Kreme. I’d link to it but it’s incredibly defamatory.

But, anyway, back to my bouncy, hard green, hushed blog. Not just any hush. The tennis hush.
The Editor (Thursday 1 March 2007, 5:00 pm) #

I’ve searched in vain, JS, but can’t find your article. Would love to read it…
bookmanoldstyle (Thursday 1 March 2007, 7:55 pm) #

His line about “straining racquets” made me giggle.
Goobermetrics (Thursday 1 March 2007, 10:08 pm) #

I have “straining bowels” but that probably just means I need more fibre.
John S. (Friday 2 March 2007, 10:16 am) #

Editor - Give me an email and I shall send you the link.
novelist (Friday 2 March 2007, 12:27 pm) #

I’d like to see that too. Promise I won’t sue.
The Editor (Friday 2 March 2007, 4:36 pm) #

Chris found the SHIFT key!