Unwrapped The Age this morning to read over my breakfast and thought the newsagent had delivered MX by mistake. The front page was splashed with a story of high-level and insightful political analysis entitled “Stripe me pink! It’s the battle of the suits.” Your understanding and perception of Australian politics will never be the same after reading this article:

IF you prefer your suits, like your politics, hard-wearing but none too fancy, then John Howard is your man.

He’s a double-breasted, old-school-tie, every bloke’s bloke, with hardly an eyebrow, suit or spectacle frame altered for years. If, on the other hand, you fancy a bit of slick with your classics, a bit of cute with your conservatism, then it’s Kevin Rudd. His suits are modern, immaculate, probably European, but not in a flashy over-the-top way. Same with his spectacles: snappy oblongs, but not too snappy.

Snappy oblongs, but not too snappy. This is the front page of Melbourne’s (supposedly) quality broadsheet, for feck’s sake!

And although Mr Rudd’s rather endearing hair-do does appear sometimes as if it were combed by his mum, it also has a chameleon ability to change in certain lights, from dignified grey to school prefect blond.

Oh, spew!

Mr Howard’s suits, for example, are decent and serviceable, but suggest a struggle between “I can be a modern guy, too”, and “I’ve got better things to do than fuss about fashion”. He picks from a relatively sparse wardrobe of single and double-breasted suits, even though the latter gives him a hunched, boxy silhouette, out of fashion so long it’s on the way back. White shirts are a flat canvas for his ties, which range from “old collegian” stripes to some paler silks that scrape into modernity with a single-breasted suit, but sit awry, suggesting a lag behind the times, with a double-breasted.

At least this pathetic story is languishing in the entertainment section of The Age’s website.