grodscorp@grods.comThe bike path to enlightenment
 | Posted by Ant Rogenous on Tuesday 22 January 2008, 1:49 am Categories: Bike riding, Freaks, Society Tags: CyclingEtiquette, hygiene, RecumbentBikes, WangPants |
Thousands of people cycle to and from work every day, but few realise just how many scandalous faux pas they make along the way.
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Some cyclists figure that, since they’re going to sweat like John Farnham on the way to work and take a shower once they arrive, there’s no need to bathe before they get going. They couldn’t be more wrong.
o
The law of cycling apparel is best expressed by the following formula:
C — cyclist
T —time it takes to change into your wang pants, click shoes, Thriller gloves and fitted shirt festooned with advertising no one is sponsoring you to wear. Worse still, you probably paid for the privilege of giving [insert brands here] some exposure to which they had no right. Saw you coming, didn’t they?
D — time it takes to get to work.
W — wanker
o
RECUMBENT BIKES
If you own one of these, well, you can just go and take a flying reclining fuck.
GrodsThink Ep.31 (16/9/08)
Tuesday 22 January 2008, 7:16 am #The Editor
Ha!
Wang pants
Gold.
Tuesday 22 January 2008, 12:22 pm #Bron
Oh God, that first pic cracked me up. What a way to earn a living, huh?
Tuesday 22 January 2008, 12:40 pm #Wah
It’s a good point you make.
Cyclists who think they are doing right by the environment by not driving to work end up using loads more water to wash themselves and the extra set of clothes they wear everyday to ride, hence damaging the environment - the bastards.
Your formula about cycling attire is Gold. I I never undertood why people can’t ride a bike without having to look like a mobile billboard for an obscure Belgian telecommunications firm.
And do you really smell other people sweaty lycra clad arses whilst riding on a busy bike path? Jesus suffering fuck, that’s awful!
Tuesday 22 January 2008, 2:31 pm #Ant Rogenous
And do you really smell other people’s sweaty lycra clad arses whilst riding on a busy bike path?
Being a lentil-popping eco-warrior has its downsides, yes.
Tuesday 22 January 2008, 3:03 pm #Bruce
Being a lentil-popping eco-warrior has its downsides, yes.
There are enzyme capsules for that. ;-)
Tuesday 22 January 2008, 3:45 pm #Ray Dixon
I’d like to echo Wah’s point about the water use. Cyclists (God love ‘em) can be a real pain in the arse. Up here in Bright we are the ‘Mecca’ of road & mountain cycling. This weekend we’ve got more than 1200 insane cyclists going on a 200km ride that’s twice as tough and twice as treacherous as any leg of le Tour de France.
( http://alpineopinion.wordpress.com/2008/01/20/audax-alpine-classic-bright/)
Also, I understand (sort-of) the need to wear bicycle pants but what’s the go with the stupid lycra tops with advertising slogans? The pros only wear those, well … because they’re pros and they get paid for it.
Tuesday 22 January 2008, 5:20 pm #The Editor
Thanks be to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that I only have to ride five minutes to work.
I do hate it, though, when you ride some distance to meet other people and are acutely aware of the faint whiff of arse sweat in the air.
Wednesday 23 January 2008, 12:18 am #Mikey
I hate those bikes!
Friday 25 January 2008, 11:54 am #krypto
Ray I think the appeal of the cycling jersey as it is correctly known is the inclusion of two pockets sown into the small of the back (look closely and you’ll see ‘em) as you can imagine, while seated on a bike saddle it is kind of difficult to access a hip pocket that’s why many cyclists either wear a satchel or a cycling jersey, it gives you somewhere to keep your wallet and keys.
Personally I always thought the jerseys looked kind of lame so I wear a satchel but if they made a plain jersey without all that phoney advertising crap I might consider wearing one.
Tuesday 5 February 2008, 7:28 am #Damian
Just for the record… I was out for a walk just now and I spotted a bloke in his wang pant and accompanying costume. Instantly recalling this post, I had to laugh out loud.
Ah, the wang pant equation. Better humour through mathematics.