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Learning lessons

Thursday 6 March 2008, 2:46 pm

The Editor

Categories: Education

Tags: teachers, trivia

A bunch of us from work went out last night to celebrate a colleague’s birthday. (When I say “went out” what I mean is “went to the shitty pub 100m down the road from the school”; when I say “celebrate” what I mean is “get horribly shitfaced”.) So we got there about 5pm after finishing work with the intention of just having a quick one before moving on to somewhere a bit nicer but despite all good intentions we were still there at midnight.

The biggest problem with going to the pub around the corner is that there are always people there from the school community who probably shouldn’t see the teachers making arses of themselves — and last night was no exception. At 8pm we signed up for the trivia quiz and you’ll all be proud to know that our team name was “The Fleshlights”. Two hours later we had disgraced ourselves by coming stone, motherless second last and by making the team who marked our answer sheets question our intelligence.

Question 23: How many millimetres in a kilometre?

The question should have been: How many plastered teachers does it take to answer such an easy question?

Anyway, after an uncomfortable minute of slurred arguments we wrote down 1 million. Or at least, we thought we wrote down 1 million. It turns out we left a zero off and wrote 100,000. So when the smug bastards on the other team returned our corrected answer sheet they said, “don’t worry — we won’t report you to the education department.”

Arseholes.

19 Comments

Ant Rogenous (Thursday 6 March 2008, 3:28 pm) #

John Brumby will be pleased to know a bunch of teachers left a zero off a figure — EBA negotiations will be a piece of piss.
Bron (Thursday 6 March 2008, 3:32 pm) #

I fail at all math questions - sober or drunk. I would have written, “Buggered if I know.”
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 6 March 2008, 3:38 pm) #

Fleshlight buggered. Now I’ve heard it all.
Wah (Thursday 6 March 2008, 4:02 pm) #

That’s the trouble with being a teacher everyone expects you to know everything.

When I was in Grade 2 me and my friend were drawing aeroplanes and I drew a biplane with the pilot sitting in the back of two seats - like they do, I knew this because I was a plane nerd.
My friend disputed this so I asked my teacher who was right - she had no fucking idea. Surely all 24-year-old women should know this! Now wonder people are namiong their children Ozcah!

My sister is a teacher and always cops shit from us siblings when she’s stupid. One day she and her husband were at the home show enquiring about floorboards. The salesman asked “what kind of traffic area are we looking at?” She replied: “We live in a court”.
Her husband got up and walked away. Four years uni I tells ya!
Adam (Thursday 6 March 2008, 4:58 pm) #

The Fleshlights, sounds like a good name for a punk band. I play guitar, is anyone else keen? ;-D For vox I vote for John Surname and his teste-popping prepubescent adolescent vocals
Mikey (Thursday 6 March 2008, 7:36 pm) #

Ah teachers. If you haven’t bent an ex year 12 over the table with a glass shard at his neck for his calling you a bad word then it’s not a good night!

(actually happened)
krypto (Thursday 6 March 2008, 9:33 pm) #

details please Mikey
The Editor (Thursday 6 March 2008, 9:46 pm) #

I’ll play bass, Adam. And I second your nomination of John for vocals.

I also second Krypto’s call for details.
John Surname (Thursday 6 March 2008, 10:49 pm) #

You can’t play bass and I can’t sing.

This will be interesting.

And sexy!
Ray Dixon (Thursday 6 March 2008, 11:26 pm) #

we thought we wrote down 1 million. It turns out we left a zero off and wrote 100,000

So let me get this straight. If you just “left a zero off” that means you would have written 1,000,00. But how would anyone know what that meant? That could mean 1,000. I think you just got it wrong!
krypto (Thursday 6 March 2008, 11:29 pm) #

you know the Sex Pistols couldn’t play either and look how well they did, what you guys need is heroin.
Adam (Friday 7 March 2008, 9:20 am) #

Heroin hey, maybe we can get some off Jeremy ;-D Of the non-gay variety please, save the gay heroin for the children.
John Surname (Friday 7 March 2008, 9:23 am) #

“save the gay heroin for the children.”

Little wiener kids don’t deserve it.
Mikey (Friday 7 March 2008, 11:11 pm) #

A relo worked at a school (state system) which had a wildman teacher. You know the full yowie beard and enstein hair. Anyway they were out drinking, as a gaggle of teachers is want to do (is that the correct noun for a group of teacher’s Ed?) and much was consumed. Any hoo wildman was insulted, a believe by an ex student. There was some pushing and shoving. This resolved itself when wildman had the student over the table with half a schooner glass pressed at his neck with his teacher mates having to pull him off.

But … since he was provoked the student was bounced by the bouncers.

Ah regional NSW…
The Editor (Saturday 8 March 2008, 12:27 am) #

That is fucking awesome, Mikey. By the way, I believe the collective noun for teachers is a “drunkard”.

Ray, I think you’ll find that ‘1′ followed by five zeros is 100,000. ‘1′ followed by six zeros is 1,000,000. Six minus five equals one, therefore we left off one zero. In Oz commas split groups of three digits; in Europe they split the whole section of the number from the decimal section. We live in Australia.

Not to diminish the fact that we still got it wrong, but
Ray Dixon (Saturday 8 March 2008, 1:34 am) #

Ed, when you wrote down 100,000 thinking - somehow! - that you were writing down 1,000,000, you not only “left a zero off”, you also “left out a comma”. But that’s not what you said:

It turns out we left a zero off and wrote 100,000

You see, if you had accidentally “left a zero off” you wouldn’t have written down like that…

… no one can disguise a lie on the internet!
The Editor (Saturday 8 March 2008, 11:00 am) #

Call Media Watch, Ray.
Agent Starling (Saturday 8 March 2008, 11:07 am) #

I know what Ed means Ray, everyone does. Whether he left a zero off or out it’s the same difference.
Ray Dixon (Saturday 8 March 2008, 12:42 pm) #

He’s been caught out. He actually thought 100,000 was the right answer. Read all about it in Andrew Bolt’s next “I hate teachers and they’re not that smart anyway” article.