GrodsCorp

Cuckolded

Thursday 6 March 2008, 10:58 pm

Ant Rogenous

Categories: Life

Tags: DomesticRetardation, ERogenous, HireAHubby, infidelity

Real man I walked into the lounge tonight and caught E Rogenous browsing the Hire A Hubby website. She immediately began stammering an explanation, but the damage was done.

I went into the shower so she and our son wouldn’t see my tears. After a while, with the water still on full, I sat down, wrapped my arms around my knees and gently rocked myself until the water ran cold.

Reaching out of the shower, I remembered that my towel wasn’t hanging on the towel rail because the towel rail is in the bottom drawer of the vanity, where it’s been for the best part of six months.

I think I might call Hire A Hubby tomorrow myself.

46 Comments

Damian (Thursday 6 March 2008, 11:09 pm) #

E Rogenous.

Hee hee hee.
krypto (Thursday 6 March 2008, 11:27 pm) #

dude, a towel rack? I’m assuming it’s not one of those fancy heated ones you need to hook up to lecytricity, just a normal one?
How hard is that to install? Get your Mrs to write a list of all the odd jobs you need done and do em.
Seriously dude, “Hire a Hubby”, once you give em a toe-hold it’s all over.
John Surname (Thursday 6 March 2008, 11:41 pm) #

You need a gun. That will bring back your manliness.
Damian (Thursday 6 March 2008, 11:45 pm) #

And a big fucking car.
John Surname (Thursday 6 March 2008, 11:48 pm) #

And a submarine.
krypto (Thursday 6 March 2008, 11:49 pm) #

oh oh and some right wing ideologies, and try to dislike Aboriginal people, also spit often, real men spit often I hear, and scratch your testicles, often, and in public too.
Also, have sex with some prostitutes then no-one will dispute you’re a REAL man.
keri (Friday 7 March 2008, 8:19 am) #

John, do you intentionally engineer everything you comment to have a double meaning?

Guns, submarines, it’s all phallic with the younger generation, isn’t it?
Dave from Albury (Friday 7 March 2008, 8:36 am) #

I’m sorry, but if you were a real man you’d tell E to get off her arse and fix it herself or you’ll box her ears. You city folk are just soft.
John Surname (Friday 7 March 2008, 9:18 am) #

@ Keri - And how!
Adam (Friday 7 March 2008, 9:22 am) #

Pimp hand to the face bitches!*

* Disclaimer: just kidding
John Surname (Friday 7 March 2008, 9:25 am) #

But seriously. Pimp hand to the face bitches.
keri (Friday 7 March 2008, 9:27 am) #

But seriously. You’ve all admitted to being soft as shite. Who would expect you to be able to fix anything, much less convince someone else to through violence?

You’d probably just hold a rally in your lounge room and be done with.

Stinkin’ beatniks.
John Surname (Friday 7 March 2008, 9:30 am) #

Keri has a point. Entice her into fixing it with promises of lattes.
Ant Rogenous (Friday 7 March 2008, 10:15 am) #

You’ve all admitted to being soft as shite.

But it’s not our fault, Keri — an entire generation of Australian men has been emasculated by the left-liberal, feminist agenda of schools and the ABC.

Wow, I feel more manly just having said that! Quick, somebody hand me a gun and Craig’s Fleshlight.
keri (Friday 7 March 2008, 10:22 am) #

Pfft. Bloody men these days. Damn those pinko bastards.

I yearn for the days when men were men and sheep were scared.
John Surname (Friday 7 March 2008, 10:32 am) #

Dare I say, Keri’s perfect man?.
Ant Rogenous (Friday 7 March 2008, 10:41 am) #

KG can kill a Muslim at 10 paces with a blow of his tongue, but isn’t ashamed to look after his delicate complexion under the harsh desert sun.

He’s truly a man of the 21st century.
keri (Friday 7 March 2008, 10:47 am) #

John, you sick, sick fuck. I’d have to be blind, deaf and stupid. And dead.

Besides, REAL men wear hats.
Ant Rogenous (Friday 7 March 2008, 10:50 am) #

Besides, REAL men wear hats.

Don’t fight it, Keri — it was meant to be.
John Surname (Friday 7 March 2008, 10:52 am) #

Oy! There are plenty of other women who’d love a prize like KG. They say he can bring a woman to orgasm just by looking at her.
Ant Rogenous (Friday 7 March 2008, 10:57 am) #

He’s also wearing a hat here.

Next time you could be the lucky bird he’s dragging off to his cave, Keri.
keri (Friday 7 March 2008, 11:00 am) #

John, it doesn’t count if they’re being paid to. You know that, don’t you?

And Ant, hell will freeze over, Bolt will make sense, Jeremy will become a member of the Liberal Party and Howard will turn up at a Union rally in a CND T-shirt before I would go near that man.

And I’d still have to be dead.
Ant Rogenous (Friday 7 March 2008, 11:05 am) #

So you’re telling me there’s a chance?

(A shiny new donkey for anyone who can tell me which film I’ve lifted that brilliant line from).
keri (Friday 7 March 2008, 11:09 am) #

Dumb and Dumber?
Ant Rogenous (Friday 7 March 2008, 11:10 am) #

Got it in one!
Bron (Friday 7 March 2008, 11:38 am) #

I love a soft man. I get a good night’s sleep that way.
Wah (Friday 7 March 2008, 11:38 am) #

So what was she calling Hire A Hubby for?

There’s no shame in being sexually impotent, but if she needs another man to mount a towel rail, then you might as well start wearing jeans with the arse cut out and shack up with Roland Roccocielli now mister!

I wouldn’t worry you though. Making you see that website is her way of saying, “do some handywork you useless latte-sipping, chattering class cunt”.
Ant Rogenous (Friday 7 March 2008, 11:50 am) #

I can mount a towel rail — I just don’t know how to put one up on a tiled wall.
keri (Friday 7 March 2008, 11:51 am) #

What kind of towel rail?
Ant Rogenous (Friday 7 March 2008, 12:25 pm) #

An embarrassingly simple one, Keri.

And look, I couldn’t even deliver a proper “mount” gag. Someone please put me out of my misery.
keri (Friday 7 March 2008, 12:29 pm) #

So not only are you emasculated by Hire-a-Hubby, but you can’t even get your funny bone up?

You poor thing.
Bron (Friday 7 March 2008, 12:33 pm) #

My heart bleeds.
Ant Rogenous (Friday 7 March 2008, 12:56 pm) #

So not only are you emasculated by Hire-a-Hubby, but you can’t even get your funny bone up?

Now THAT’S a penis gag.

(Heh… “gag”)
keri (Friday 7 March 2008, 1:32 pm) #

Product of a misspent youth, I’m afraid. Five years of spending every day in a pool hall will do that to a gal.
John Surname (Friday 7 March 2008, 1:59 pm) #

“John, it doesn’t count if they’re being paid to. You know that, don’t you?”

Yeah, I know all about providing high quality services and not being paid.
keri (Friday 7 March 2008, 2:03 pm) #

You’re asking for it, you know that, don’t you?
krypto (Friday 7 March 2008, 2:58 pm) #

I’d say begging is more like Keri
Bron (Friday 7 March 2008, 3:55 pm) #

Or gagging for it…
keri (Friday 7 March 2008, 3:57 pm) #

Or both.
Bron (Friday 7 March 2008, 4:12 pm) #

In which case it would be bagging.

OK, herewith ends my adventure into punnery.
The Editor (Friday 7 March 2008, 4:13 pm) #

Having come to this comment thread over twelve hours too late I feel that it would be poor form to contribute to it.
Bridgit Gread (Friday 7 March 2008, 5:12 pm) #

Me too.
Adam (Friday 7 March 2008, 5:54 pm) #

Penis
Damian (Friday 7 March 2008, 5:56 pm) #

Aw fuck. I was gunna say that.
John Surname (Friday 7 March 2008, 6:00 pm) #

“You’re asking for it, you know that, don’t you?”

Bring it on.
Mikey (Friday 7 March 2008, 11:05 pm) #

I wanted to use them but thewife insisted on putting the blinds up herself. And she did a good job too!

I got to watch TV. So in the end isn’t that what matters?