GrodsCorp

OCD: Orthographic Compulsive Disorder

Thursday 27 March 2008, 12:30 pm

The Editor

Categories: Freaks

Tags: apostrophes, ellipses, ExclamationMarks, OCD, OrthographicFascism

I’m a self-confessed orthographic Nazi who suffers from OCD (Orthographic Compulsive Disorder). I get irrationally angry when I see incorrectly used apostrophes. I mean, not just kinda grumpy, but ANGRY! I get pictures in my head of people dying violent deaths and a sort of red film appears in front of my vision and I start flexing my knuckles and my teeth clench and I find myself walking into hardware stores asking for prices on chainsaws and…

Oh well, you get the idea.

However, I do take comfort in the fact that at least two people share my disorder. Bridgit Gread hates it when people put an exclamation mark inside brackets in the middle (!) of a sentence. Bron goes postal when people… overuse… ellipses…

Now, when Bridgit, Bron and I had our OCD support group meeting last night we decided that it would become increasingly easier to cope with our conditions as we found more people who share it. So, GrodsReaders, can you please share with us your own OCD triggers in comments?

44 Comments

Wah (Thursday 27 March 2008, 12:39 pm) #

I agree with you’re post Ed, we should discuss this at a caf’e sometime.
The Editor (Thursday 27 March 2008, 12:42 pm) #

(!)
skeptic (Thursday 27 March 2008, 12:48 pm) #

I think it was channel ten news last week that used Lewis’s in a news item.
Chuck A. Spear (Thursday 27 March 2008, 12:59 pm) #

I’m an orthographic fuck-up and proud. Tim Blair is right. This site is full of elitists.
Jeremy (Thursday 27 March 2008, 1:06 pm) #

I’ve got exactly the same version. It’s apostrophes all the way.
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 27 March 2008, 1:23 pm) #

Sweet Jesus, where do I start?

* The use of “which” where “that” is adequate or more appropriate
* The use of “whilst” and “amongst” when “while” and “among” mean exactly the same thing, but don’t make you sound like the kind of tosser who’s basking in the warm, fuzzy glow of feeling you’ve used words that make you sound somehow more literary or academic
* People who say or write “the reason why is because…”
* People who don’t quite grasp the rules that govern compound modifiers, and place superfluous hyphens between adverbs and adjectives: eg “fully-equipped boat”. The hyphen in this case is unnecessary because the adverb, by definition, already modifies the word that follows — no hyphen is required to clear up any ambiguity about meaning, because there can be no ambiguity

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and kill someone.
Jeremy (Thursday 27 March 2008, 2:05 pm) #

I don’t think you’re right about the barely-used-enough hyphens.
Bron (Thursday 27 March 2008, 2:05 pm) #

But Ant, I LIKE saying and writing “whilst”. Not to make me sound more literary or academic, but because it just sounds… gee, um, can I get back to you on that one?

Either way, if that’s your Achille’s Heel (or one of them, given your polydactyly uniqueness), then I’m going to keep that in mind whenever I have the choice to write “whilst” instead of “while”.
Wah (Thursday 27 March 2008, 2:08 pm) #

A pet hate is “there were over 1000 people”. It should be “there were more than 1000 people”.
skeptic (Thursday 27 March 2008, 2:18 pm) #

Those who use “myself” instead of “me” and people who do not know when to use “I” and “me”.
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 27 March 2008, 2:30 pm) #

Ooh yes, Skeptic — “I” and “me” is definitely another blood-boiler!
Bron (Thursday 27 March 2008, 2:48 pm) #

I dislike “At the end of the day…”.

It’s such a nonsense (!) phrase.
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 27 March 2008, 2:58 pm) #

Agreed. Also, “turned around”, as in:

“So I turned around and told him to bugger off, then he turned around and accused me of always hassling him! So you know what I did? I just turned around and told him I’d get a restraining order. At the end of the day, that’s basically all you can do with people like him.”

And “basically” — arggh! I’m working myself into a right ol’ rage here.
flagg (Thursday 27 March 2008, 3:02 pm) #

People who use the word “literally” as a form of emphasis. It’s a fucking ADJECTIVE for God’s sake. “I got my ass kicked so bad I was literally writhing around in pain” (TICK!). “I was literally bouncing off the walls” or “there were literally millions of people on the tram this morning” (BA BOW!).

Also, misapostrophication. The more you start to look for it, the more you see it. On my walk into the city today I saw a sign: “Gourmet Pizza’s”. Gross. Seems especially bad with dates and abbreviations, like DVD’s 1960’s and AWA’s. And when the word “its” (or “it’s”) comes into it, pfft, forget it.

Also, there/their/they’re. It’s amazing how often people fuck that up.

What about tautologies? Especially in advertising, things like “free gift for you” and “added bonus”.

Rant over. I’M LITERALLY DYING FROM FRUSTRATION.
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 27 March 2008, 3:08 pm) #

Nice work, Flagg — I’m literally wetting my pants laughing.
Bron (Thursday 27 March 2008, 3:27 pm) #

Absolutely.*

*used ironically. I hate how “absolutely” is now used as a substitute for “yes”. Who remembers those bloody stupid Ansett (RIP) ads on TV years ago when they tried to rejuvenate their image with the slogan, “Absolutely”?

Passenger: “Can I please have another little plastic container of OJ so I can open it and spill it down my pants?”

Steward/ess: “Absolutely.”
Damian (Thursday 27 March 2008, 3:34 pm) #

I’m an apostrophe man, too. (See this blog, Ed?)
Zombie Mao (Thursday 27 March 2008, 4:07 pm) #

ironical

I hate that word. I have no idea why. Probably because brain dead football commentators use it.

Just use ‘ironic’. It sounds better.
Bron (Thursday 27 March 2008, 4:17 pm) #

I still haven’t got over the shock of hearing Fred Durst say he was “in agreeance” about something or other on some music award show a few years back.
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 27 March 2008, 4:22 pm) #

Mao, don’t get me started on football commentators. The worst I’ve heard for a while from one of them was: “Look at him go — he just keeps on persisting!”
EC (Thursday 27 March 2008, 4:29 pm) #

Well, I like go to uni with like lots of like people who are, um like lots younger than me and when I get like really bored in like a tutorial I like sometimes um, entertain myself with like the number of like times they can say like in like a FRACKING like minute.

Um like help.
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 27 March 2008, 4:38 pm) #

It’s so, like, random* the way they do that, EC.

* Urge to kill, rising.
The Editor (Thursday 27 March 2008, 4:39 pm) #

Re quotation mark blog: I certainly have, Damian.

And you wouldn’t fucken believe it (!)… I was just in the city and saw a display for chewing gum in a convenience store that read:

EXTRA GET’S FRUITY!

Lucky for me McBec’s credit limit on her Visa was sufficient to get me out on bail.

But seriously, how in the name of fuck does something like that get to print without it being picked up?
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 27 March 2008, 4:44 pm) #

Are you sure it was an advertisement for chewing gum and not some pernicious(tm) person outing one Mr Extra Get as a homosexual?
EC (Thursday 27 March 2008, 4:47 pm) #

Like fully Ant. I better like do some work or I could get like totally sacked.
skeptic (Thursday 27 March 2008, 4:47 pm) #

Too much time on your hands Ant, too much time …(!)
steveo (Thursday 27 March 2008, 5:14 pm) #

“Ironical: *shudder*. Isn’t that like saying “misunderestimated”?

And what, for that matter, of this “obligated” business? If you have an obligation, surely you are obliged and not bloody well obligated.
Bron (Thursday 27 March 2008, 5:17 pm) #

Lil Johnny’s “aspirational nationalism” doesn’t sound so bad in light of all the above examples, after all.

OF COURSE I’M LYING.
Damian (Thursday 27 March 2008, 5:26 pm) #

“Misunderestimated” reminded me of “overexaggerated”. Grr.
Bridgit Gread (Thursday 27 March 2008, 6:26 pm) #

Let’s not forget the two Internet classics:

Your so gay and looser
EC (Thursday 27 March 2008, 6:43 pm) #

The young folk at uni say the ’so gay’ thing too. I had a like intense discussion with half a dozen 18 year olds and they all said they don’t connect using the phrase with homophobia.

I’m like so old.
Spock (Thursday 27 March 2008, 8:20 pm) #

Quite a few things annoy me about about our language use…

Gay is not a synonym for shitty… It never will be… So I would really like it if people would stop that.

And maybe someone can explain why people put an apostrophe in ain’t? What is it a contraction of?

American spelling! Agh! And now they are teaching it in our schools! Goddamn-America-loving Leftists!
John Surname (Thursday 27 March 2008, 10:53 pm) #

American spelling really irks me.
magic bellybutton (Friday 28 March 2008, 11:10 am) #

People, who, overuse, commas,. (Which, I, admit, to, sometimes, being, guilty, of, but, we’re, not, talking, about, me,.)

The use of “less” when “fewer” is meant. If less people turned up to the football, which body part/s did they leave at home? Aside from their brains.

To/too/two.
Who’s/whose.

“Youse”. I fucking hate that word. And “overfull” WTF???
magic bellybutton (Friday 28 March 2008, 11:10 am) #

And excessive question marks.
Ant Rogenous (Friday 28 March 2008, 11:14 am) #

Good stuff, Magic Bellybutton. The other killer is “amount” when “number” is meant.
The Editor (Friday 28 March 2008, 11:16 am) #

The amount of comments on this thread is amazing.
skeptic (Friday 28 March 2008, 11:35 am) #

You mean literally amazing!!!! Don’t you????
Bron (Friday 28 March 2008, 11:36 am) #

(Which, I, admit, to, sometimes, being, guilty, of, but, we’re, not, talking, about, me,.)

I sometimes fret that I use too many commas, and perhaps I do, but they’re all in the right places at least. I think they are, anyway. Sometimes I’ll agonise for 10 minutes over ONE SINGLE COMMA in something I’m writing. To comma or not to comma.

Wouldn’t it be nice to be illiterate, come to think of it?
Damian (Friday 28 March 2008, 12:22 pm) #

Re commas, I have a bit of a thing about the use of commas when listing three or more things. Spot the difference here:

“We drank beer, vodka, and wine.”

“We sucked longies, vodka shots and goon bags.”
The Editor (Friday 28 March 2008, 12:31 pm) #

I put the comma in between the second and third items if the second item is a long string of words. Thus:

“We drank turps, the dregs of every single UDL can left over at the end of the party the next morning, and kerosene.”
Damian (Friday 28 March 2008, 12:37 pm) #

See, that’s why you’re the teacher.
magic bellybutton (Friday 28 March 2008, 12:40 pm) #

I sometimes fret that I use too many commas, and perhaps I do, but they’re all in the right places at least. I think they are, anyway. Sometimes I’ll agonise for 10 minutes over ONE SINGLE COMMA in something I’m writing. To comma or not to comma.

Me too. Sorry, me, two,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random capitalisation. Not Just at the Beginning of a word, but iN tHe middLe as Well,.

Sumtimes it wood b betta 2 be illiterite, make life so much eazier.
The Editor (Friday 28 March 2008, 12:41 pm) #

See, that’s why you’re the teacher.

‘Cos I drink kero?