GrodsCorp

Only in Bris Vegas

Thursday 27 March 2008, 5:07 pm

The Editor

Categories: Bogans, Media, Weird shit

Tags: Brisbane, CaskWine, Dapto, goon, goths

I’m allowed to make fun of goons (wine casks) because their other name — Dapto briefcases — refers to the suburb of Wollongong from whence I originally hail. And I’m allowed to make fun of Brisbane because that’s where I spent my high school years after moving from Dapto. With those facts in mind I present to you (courtesy of Damain in comments) what is possibly the news story of the year with the headline of the century.

THUGS USE GOON BAG TO BASH GOTHS

Two men have faced court over a violent assault which saw a group of goths bashed with a goon bag.

Luke Anthony Harrison, 21, and Mereki Ian Pryor, 19, were each sentenced to jail for the attack, which left five members of Brisbane’s gothic community nursing cuts and bruises.

The District Court today heard Harrison and Pryor had been drinking goon - or cask wine - in a park at the corner of Wickham Terrace and Ann Street in Fortitude Valley about 10.30pm on July 30, 2005 when the group walked past.

After shouting insults such as “freaks” and “faggots”, Pryor approached the three women and two men, aged between 19 and 24, asked them if they wanted to fight and began throwing punches and kicks.

Harrison, carrying the bag of goon, also became involved, using it to take a swing at one of the women, knocking her glasses off her face. Another woman was also hit.

Crown prosecutor Chris Minnery said one of the group managed to grab the cask.

“F*** off or I’ll break the goon,” she said while threatening to stomp on the bag.

The attack stopped when the group managed to flee to safety at the nearby Orient Hotel. None were seriously injured.

Pryor’s defence barrister, Megan Robbins, put her client’s behaviour down to alcohol abuse, telling the court that at the time he was drinking up to three litres of cask wine a day.

“His judgement was obviously impaired to a significant degree,” Ms Robbins explained, prompting Judge Julie Dick to fire back: “His liver can’t have been too good either.”

“This is public violence on a group of people who were just going about their business,” the judge told the pair, who both pleaded guilty to charges of assault occasioning bodily harm in company.

“They are entitled to dress and look how they like as long as they don’t interfere with the rest of the community.”

Pryor, who is already serving a three-and-a-half year prison term for unrelated offences, had an extra six months added to his sentence, but will be eligible to apply for parole today.

Harrison received a 12 month term and was released immediately on parole after Judge Dick accepted he had played a lesser role in the assault.

Judge Dick. Brilliant!

12 Comments

Bron (Thursday 27 March 2008, 5:13 pm) #

Normally I’d tut over such wanton violence, but this whole sorry saga made me giggle.
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 27 March 2008, 5:31 pm) #

… Pryor approached the three women and two men, aged between 19 and 24, asked them if they wanted to fight and began throwing punches and kicks.

At least he had the decency to ask. Who says civility is dead?
Damian (Thursday 27 March 2008, 5:32 pm) #

“F*** off or I’ll break the goon,” she said while threatening to stomp on the bag.

You couldn’t write comedy like that. No! Not the goon!
Bron (Thursday 27 March 2008, 5:40 pm) #

That was the part that made me LOL, Damian!
Chuck A. Spear (Thursday 27 March 2008, 5:44 pm) #

When you are getting interviewed for assault charges, the standard question the police have is did the person ask for you to assault them?

If the person accepts the fight then no charges can be laid I think. I wouldn’t know about it though.
Bridgit Gread (Thursday 27 March 2008, 6:18 pm) #

I’m not sure I understood all that.
The Editor (Thursday 27 March 2008, 6:20 pm) #

That actually says a lot of positive things about your childhood, Bridgit.
WotWot (Thursday 27 March 2008, 7:51 pm) #

There is a senior jurist in the UK (I think) whose last name is Judge, and hence is formally known as Justice Judge.
Zombie Mao (Thursday 27 March 2008, 7:52 pm) #

Hoons use Goon to Poon Loons

pooned. I should copyright that
Steve D (Thursday 27 March 2008, 8:02 pm) #

… he was drinking up to three litres of cask wine a day. “His judgement was obviously impaired to a significant degree”

No shit. I don’t know anyone who voluntarily drinks goon without something decent beforehand.

At least he’s getting plenty of fluids - I doubt I manage three litres of liquid a day (and even if I did, the amount of it which was coffee would make me lose half of it anyway).
Damian (Saturday 31 May 2008, 5:12 am) #

Chuck reckons: “When you are getting interviewed for assault charges, the standard question the police have is did the person ask for you to assault them?”

Apparently the same deal applies in Kiwi Land, where a bloke kindly asked his victim, “do you want to wear a hedgehog helment?”, before belting him with said hedgehog.

WTF.

“Fuck off or I’ll break the goon” first, “do you want a hedgehog helmet?” a very close second.
Krypto (Saturday 31 May 2008, 2:15 pm) #

I’m assuming a “goon” is like a flagon not a hired thug.

Actually a few years ago I was living in Adelaide and I was walking home one night when I was approached by three sad eminem wannabes all done up in their streety shit.
Anyway, they tried to roll me for money, I told them to fuck off and one of them slapped me across the face with a coke bottle full of moselle or some shit.
That stuff is yellow! I honestly thought they were drinking urine (actually it’s probably better for you).
Anyway, there were three of them and I was on my own so I did what any self respecting tough guy would do, I ran.
Since I knew I wasn’t armed, it seemed wise to just assume they were, anyway, my instincts were right, sure enough they were all carrying knives.
I could see them after they gave up chasing me, they couldn’t run worth shit, they were all unfit as.
I thought about going back to kick shit out of them when they were all so breathless they couldn’t blow out a candle but the cop shop was close so I went there.

I reported it, sure enough no arrests were ever made.
I got a phone call from a detective (the cops obviously took it more seriously than I did) saying that the only suspect they had (like the only dude on file matching the description) was in the clear because he was dead at the time of the incident.

That was a few years ago and I’d be willing to bet money every one of those meth freak junkie fuck ups is dead by now.

It was in the paper and all, people freaked out, I’d forgotten all about it until just now.