Eight days ago I launched an “extrapolate the headline” competition, promising to announce the results six days ago. It may look like I forgot, dear GrodsReaders, but I almost forgot given that I’ve now remembered.

The challenge was to write the first paragraph of a story to accompany this awesome headline.

ECSTASY IN MAN’S PANTS

Judging was tough, but here are the results. In third place is Zombie Mao:

Pyongyang:

In a world first, an Australian has taken out the ‘Ferret down the Trousers’ World Cup. Mr T. Editor of Melbourne beat an international field by stuffing a world record 15 ferrets down his trousers, defeating local champion Won Long Dong by just one ferret.

In second place is Mikey:

Area Man, John Surname, today announced that Paris Hilton had taken up residence in the gusset of his trousers. The slender slattern said that she will bring along her latest micro pet that would only add to the enjoyment of the experiences for Surname.

And our winner is Ray Dixon with this corker:

A Melbourne fashion house has released a new range of mens’ clothing titled ‘ecstasy’. The range features a revolutionary pair of trousers that has a fleshlight sewn into the crutch. Designers Wayne Kerr & Jack Orff said they were inspired by the popularity of fleshlights among internet users.

Ray wins a lifetime supply of ecstasy and pants.

An honourable mention to Damian with this completely unintentional, yet brilliant, entry.

Fuck, Ed. This is much harder than it looks.

Thankyou linesmen, ballboys.