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Brendan Nelson: the man

Wednesday 16 April 2008, 3:19 pm

The Editor

Categories: Politics

Tags: BrendanNelson, LiberalParty, profile

A couple of days ago a PDF file appeared on the Liberal Party website entitled Dr Brendan Nelson — Real life experience and leadership. You’ve got to wonder why they bothered given that Nelson’s only got a few months (at best) left in his leadership. But then again, the graphic design looks so amateur the work experience kid probably slapped it together.

The brochure appears to be a hastily complied bunch of crap about Nelson’s background and a pissweak argument that he is a true leader. It starts off very, very badly with this photo on the front cover.

That hair is surely airbrushed on

And then just in case you didn’t already know, and the letters ‘D’ and ‘r’ in the header didn’t give it away, the first two paragraphs are all about the fact that Bren-doc is a doctor.

For Liberal leader Dr Brendan Nelson, there have been many experiences throughout his 49 years that he will never forget - like delivering a baby for the first time, consoling a family shattered by the loss of two teenage children in a motor accident and stepping in to resuscitate a man who had a cardiorespiratory arrest on a beach. Dr Nelson says he will always remember being called to a drug squat and arriving to find a young woman - a prostitute - who had overdosed on heroin, compounding a serious heart infection, and then meeting that person five years later and finding her completely reconciled with her family and leading a happy, healthy life.

Brendan Nelson’s career as a medical doctor brought him into contact with many, varied Australian lives. It is a profession that provides a unique and invaluable grounding for his life in politics. Evolving from MD to MP was not something Dr Nelson had mapped out at a young age, but was a natural progression in the life of this experienced, talented and empathetic Australian.

We’re then treated to a photo of Dr Nelson with his wife and his dog. His wife is clearly more interested in the dog than Brendan.

Did you know the dog’s a doctor?

Biographical details follow, with emphasis on values…

Brendan went to high school at St Ignatius College, Adelaide, where his teachers instilled four principles that became the foundation for his development - commitment, conscience, compassion and courage.

…and the fact that he’s a doctor.

Moving back to Tasmania, he set up as an after-hours GP, which involved making frequent house calls in an area that badly needed the facility.

And then just on the off chance you didn’t know he like motorcycles there’s a lovely picture to let you know.

With a moustache like that, Bren-doc would make a great motorcycle cop

Moving onto his political career the pamphlet neatly dodges the fact that Nelson used to belong to the ALP and dives straight into his proud Liberal history.

In 1996, Brendan Nelson stood successfully as the Liberal candidate for the Sydney seat of Bradfield in the federal election that swept out Labor and brought the Liberal-National Coalition to office.

But given that Brendan will never, ever lead his party to victory (or even to the end of this year) this snippet is a bit cruel.

When a senior member of the Keating Government told him, “If you want to change Government policy, you’ll have to change the Government,” Dr Nelson took the first steps that would lead to the position he holds today.

After a picture of Nelson and his big gun…

It’s not the size that counts, it’s what you do with it

…we return to Brendan’s favourite talking point: his hobbies.

To clear his mind, he can be found out on a morning walk, gardening, strumming a guitar or riding his Triumph motorcycle.

Did you know that Brendan has five guitars?

And finally we are treated to one half of a separated-at-birth photo set.

Dr Nelson and his son

Here’s the other half.

32 Comments

Ant Rogenous (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 3:31 pm) #

That picture of Nelson on the warship is clearly referencing Cher’s If I could turn back time. He’s smiling because he’s wearing a duct-tape g-string.
Chuck A. Spear (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 4:02 pm) #

I will turn back time and tell you about when I lived in Fascist Italy and Mussolini was marketed in a similar way using similar propaganda techniques. He was a virtuoso on the violin (a Fender equivalent)and could ride horses very fast (motorcycle equivalent), had his office light on all night to make it look like he was working (like Brendon.

Brendon only has to promise to make the trains run on time and the comparison will be complete.
Ant Rogenous (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 4:12 pm) #

It’s only a matter of time before Turnbull hangs Nelsolini out to dry.
Zombie Mao (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 4:17 pm) #

gee Ant for a moment there I thought that was a photo of John and Janette

silly me
kat (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 4:23 pm) #

is it just me, or does his wife look like bronwyn bishop with a less severe hairstyle?
Ant Rogenous (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 4:25 pm) #

I reckon she looks more like a cross between Helen Coonan and Rebecca Gibney.
Chuck A. Spear (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 4:29 pm) #

So you’d tap her then Ant?
Ant Rogenous (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 4:36 pm) #

Hell no. Even 1% Coonan is 100% too much.
Almost Always Wrong (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 4:53 pm) #

At some point someone’s going to ask if the Libs are just taking the piss out of him. Like me;(!) Is the Liberal Party just taking the piss out of doctor dud?
David (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 5:09 pm) #

5 guitars? Big fucken deal, _I_ own 5 guitars too. (And I can actually play them though, obviously, not all at the same time.) Only because I’m a patriotic Austrayun 2 of them are Matons (none of that imported Fender crap for me!)
brerrabbit (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 5:23 pm) #

In that front page photo, he looks like he’s wondering whether to jump or not…
Ant Rogenous (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 6:55 pm) #

By the way, Ed, you may want to be careful — referring to Dr Nelson as a “PDF file” is one hell of an explosive allegation.
steve (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 7:38 pm) #

well whoever designed that cover photo needs to learn a few of the basics. It doesn’t work because the eye sweeps straight down to the bottom left corner aided by the wall and the struts of Parliament house. Then again the libs always make a point of ignoring the arts.
Michael (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 8:22 pm) #

I am ashamed to admit that I think Nelson is not unokay.

http://harrangueman.blogspot.com/2008/04/out-on-limb-nelson-is-not-unokay.html

Basically, he’s saying that vulnerable people need to be looked after. It’s nice to hear a Lib say it.

And I love the fact the next alternate is Turnbull - who is far more socially progressive than even many members of the ALP.

Remember. It could be “People Skills”
Wah (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 8:30 pm) #

I personally think that it’s not right to include families in the ridicule of politicians, unless we’re talking about Angela Bishop or Peter Reith’s pratt pin-strip wearing phone-card abusing cunt son.
That said, the Beavis and Butthead simularity is a fuckin’ doozy.
Bron (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 9:17 pm) #

Or Melanie Howard.
Bron (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 9:18 pm) #

OT: Man, this Underbelly show is good. Pity you Victorians. Har har har.
Ray Dixon (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 9:33 pm) #

In that photo on the cover of the brochure, with that air-brushed hair, he looks like the lead character cop from Hawaian Five-0, whatever his name was. Maybe it should be “Detective Brendan Nelson”, the super-sleuth.
Chuck A. Spear (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 9:39 pm) #

Pity you Victorians. Har har har.

Umm… like hello Bron, we do have the intertubers too you know.
THR (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 9:45 pm) #

OT: Man, this Underbelly show is good. Pity you Victorians. Har har har.

Yep. The final episode was good about 12 days ago.

Having said that, do Sydneysiders and other non-Melbournian Australians know the story, or was it just a blur of soundbites?

Also, can we have moustache Nelson back?
Bron (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 10:07 pm) #

Yes, but you don’t get to watch it in its fullness complete with ad breaks on Nine. So there.

Well, THR, I’ve always had a fascination with the Melbourne “underworld war”, so it’s more than just soundbites to me, but most Sydneysiders I know are only really “learning” as they watch each week.
Rx (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 10:38 pm) #

Anyone wants the facts on the present Liberal leader should just go to NelsonFacts.

http://nelsonfacts.com/
steve (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 11:05 pm) #

Rip off taxpayers with fraud through Centrelink and get jailed. Be an incompetent Opposition Leader and rip off taxpayers by expecting them to pay Nelson while he bumbles around lost hoping to learn the job one day and all he gets is more media attention.

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/news/queensland/fraudsters-manager-jailed-for-fraud/2008/04/16/1208025244448.html
John Surname (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 11:14 pm) #

I’d tap Coonan. Seriously, I would. I reckon she’s tappable.
Dave from Albury (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 11:26 pm) #

She’s eat you Surname.

No, seriously, she would. She’s got some weird Praying Mantis thing going on, watch and see how far she can rotate her head.
Ant Rogenous (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 11:29 pm) #

Sweet, caramelised, honey-glazed Jesus, John. And you reckon I’m a sicko for my Julie Bishop tap!
Bron (Wednesday 16 April 2008, 11:33 pm) #

Oh look, you’re all sick, one way or another.
steve (Thursday 17 April 2008, 12:00 am) #

The Liberal Party has endorsed Rohan Fitzgerald as its candidate for the forthcoming Gippsland by-election.

“Aged 36, Rohan works as a senior manager with the Central Gippsland Health Service in Sale, and also works at its campuses in Maffra and Heyfield. Rohan lives in Traralgon with his wife Kim and their four sons, who are aged between 7 and 15 years. Both he and Kim are active volunteer participants in their local school and parish community, with Rohan coaching an under-16s basketball team in Traralgon.”

Nothing like a nice old split in the Tory vote to get the good Doctor to extend his listening tour for a week or two. A coach might be just what Nelson needs.
steve (Thursday 17 April 2008, 12:25 am) #

Or maybe it’s the old Liberal ploy of just stand a candidate with no resources or effort put into the campaign to try to get the Nats over the line on a handful of Liberal preferences. Here’s to them doing their arse no matter which option they choose. But it’s about time the Libs had a ding dong go , showed a bit of fight, pack of sooks that they are.
brerrabbit (Thursday 17 April 2008, 7:19 am) #

Wow. An under 16s basketball coach. There’s got to be at least 10 votes in that.

Yep, the Libs are taking Gippsland really seriously.
Ray Dixon (Thursday 17 April 2008, 10:01 am) #

…watch and see how far she can rotate her head

It comes in handy for group (liberal party) sex.
David (Thursday 17 April 2008, 3:35 pm) #

I just realised - in the first photo, Nelson looks disturbingly like Bob Roberts.