GrodsCorp

Young, free, girt, soil, toil, etc.

Monday 21 April 2008, 10:38 pm

Bridgit Gread

Categories: Music, Society

Tags: AdvanceAustraliaFair, nationalanthem

Kevin’s weekend-long suggestion box seems to have brought the reform-for-its-own-sake boffins out of the closet: there’s been talk of changing everything, from the Constitution to the flag. Now some are talking about scrapping Advance Australia Fair as the national anthem, even though we’ve only had it officially for a tick over 30 years.

Like many blasé Aussies I’m indifferent to the anthem - I’m not passionately stirred by it but nor do I loathe it. It seems to stack up well against most other national songs. I’ve certainly appreciated it more since Julie Anthony’s stirring rendition of at the Sydney Olympics (viewable on the You Tubes). Changing it would open up one of those ridiculous hornets’ nests: where talkback radio is flooded with blue-rinsers and Valium-happy housewifes; where RSLs buzz and thrum like someone has put Viagra in the cheap beer; where everyone wants a say on something about which they ultimately don’t give a shit. We’ve got enough to do and can do without all of that, thanks.

What the hell do these change-monsters want to have as our anthem anyway? Grodsophiles may have better suggestions but some could be:

The Seekers’ I Am Australian?
Men at Work’s Down Under?
Keri’s favourite Chizzle tune, Khe Sahn?
Hot Chili Woman by Noiseworks?
Something from Chuck A. Spear’s Pernicious Minds setlist?

67 Comments

John Surname (Monday 21 April 2008, 10:45 pm) #

Condom Full Of Wind makes me weep with patriotism.

My choices are:

1. Too Many Times by Mental As Anything. It’s jaunty morning-after rhythm will stir the heart of even the most militant socialist.

2. Jump In My Car by the Ted Mulray Gang, because I like doing the falsetto bits.
Jeremy (Monday 21 April 2008, 10:48 pm) #

If it’s Khe Sahn I’m emigrating. Fuck I that song’s a dirge. It’s one of the few that actually sounds pretty much the same when sung either by Jimmy Barnes or a pub full of drunken tone-deaf yobbos.
Chuck A. Spear (Monday 21 April 2008, 10:49 pm) #

Here’s mine. You need speakers on when viewing page:

http://www.tvmem.com/OZST/tv/A-Z/A/AUSTYOUA/AUSTYOUA.HTML
John Surname (Monday 21 April 2008, 10:50 pm) #

Elitist snob. Incidentally, I believe making Khe Sahn the anthem was Kate Hands’ other big suggestion.
THR (Monday 21 April 2008, 10:54 pm) #

For Respectable Conservatives, the only song permissible post-JWH is ‘The Carnival is Over’ by ‘The Seekers’ (or, if you absolutely must, the Nick Cave version).
Jeremy (Monday 21 April 2008, 10:55 pm) #

I like the Seekers’ one, but you couldn’t use it now it’s a Telstra jingle.
Chuck A. Spear (Monday 21 April 2008, 10:59 pm) #

Do you get it ? You can choose, but choose wisely it is decision that you will have to live with for the rest of your life and those around you who may or may not have a vested interest in your life are not obliged to just meekly approve your actions because you think you know what song is best.

I know what song is best.

“Australia: You’re Standing In It” by S. Blackburn. See my link above.

As you were.
THR (Monday 21 April 2008, 11:02 pm) #

Okay then. The Birthday Party’s ‘Release the Bats’.
Chuck A. Spear (Monday 21 April 2008, 11:27 pm) #

See Random Brainwave for more candidates for our National Anthem. One is penned by the author of this post, Bridgit Gread.
Almost Always Wrong (Monday 21 April 2008, 11:37 pm) #

Holy Grail - Hunters and collectors
Cheap Wine - Cold Chisel

Aw yeah
Almost Always Wrong (Monday 21 April 2008, 11:42 pm) #

oh what about I still call australia home and waltzing matilda?
Bron (Monday 21 April 2008, 11:44 pm) #

What about them, AAW? No way.
Bridgit Gread (Monday 21 April 2008, 11:46 pm) #

Out of the question - one is about a vagrant with an unhealthy attraction to sheep, the other was written/sung by a poof.
THR (Monday 21 April 2008, 11:46 pm) #

oh what about I still call australia home and waltzing matilda?

Or, by the Dirty Three, ‘Everything’s Fucked’.
Wah (Monday 21 April 2008, 11:48 pm) #

It’s a national anthem not a fucking pop song, why change it?
I once heard it while overseas and thought it sounded beautiful.
If that’s the best suggestion someone at 2020 came up with, than they wasted a trip to Canberra.
Chuck A. Spear (Monday 21 April 2008, 11:51 pm) #

What about ‘I’m An Individual” by Mark ‘Jacko’ Jackson.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5red47pdo4

It was a top-forty hit for fuck’s sake.
Bron (Monday 21 April 2008, 11:51 pm) #

Not trying to provocative, Wah, but what about when you heard the national anthem here in Oz, did you think it sounded beautiful then, too?

Just curious.
Almost Always Wrong (Monday 21 April 2008, 11:53 pm) #

bron doesnt like me :(
Bron (Monday 21 April 2008, 11:55 pm) #

For fuck’s sake, indeed, Chuck, “I’m An Individual” is not fit for public consumption. God only knows how it made the top 40.

Go to bed.
Almost Always Wrong (Monday 21 April 2008, 11:55 pm) #

Bridg, i didnt know that peter allen liked sheep?
Bron (Monday 21 April 2008, 11:57 pm) #

No, no, no, I <3 U, AAW.

Just don’t ever suggest “I Still Call Australia Home” for the anthem EVER AGAIN, YA HEAR?!

It caused me to have palpitations and break out in a sweat.
Bron (Monday 21 April 2008, 11:58 pm) #

Black Adder likes sheep! (See, I’ve bowed to pressure from the readers of this blog and watched the first season of Black Adder).
Bridgit Gread (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:01 am) #

Advance Australia Fair and I Still Call Australia Home may move you to tears when you’re homesick, pissed up and standing ankle-deep in swill in the ‘Walkabout’ in Shepherd’s Bush. The rest of the time they’re friggin boring.
THR (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:04 am) #

Just don’t ever suggest “I Still Call Australia Home” for the anthem EVER AGAIN, YA HEAR?!

Copacabana, then?
Almost Always Wrong (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:05 am) #

tenterfield saddler?
Chuck A. Spear (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:05 am) #

For fuck’s sake, indeed, Chuck, “I’m An Individual” is not fit for public consumption. God only knows how it made the top 40.

It’s people like you Bron who get us bloody Australian’s labeled with tall-poppy syndrome.
Bridgit Gread (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:07 am) #

Bridg, i didnt know that peter allen liked sheep?

Didn’t he write that song (When my baby smiles at me) I Go Merino?

(Sorry)
Bridgit Gread (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:08 am) #

Chuck, didn’t Warwick Capper have an equally crappy but much less successful single? I can’t find it on the You Tubes.
Chuck A. Spear (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:14 am) #

You might have the song confused with this, Bridg. You probably have a few copies lying around too.
Bridgit Gread (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:17 am) #

Now that’s something I will never, ever knowingly view. I’m still psychologically recovering from the Gene Simmons sex video and that ‘2 Girls 1 Cup’ thing.
Bron (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:18 am) #

Tall poppy syndrome, or I just know taste?

(Eg “Paradise City” by the Gunners just come on on iTunes. Now there’s an anthem!!!!111!!! Taaaake … meeee…. hoooome!)
Bron (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:19 am) #

WHAT GENE SIMMONS SEX VIDEO?! WHERE?!

(no no no no no no no no, don’t tell me)
Almost Always Wrong (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:21 am) #

Howzat - Sherbert
Bron (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:21 am) #

THR and AAW, NO AND NO. NO PETER ALLEN.

Stop it, or you’re both in for recommendations to be banned.
Bridgit Gread (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:21 am) #

Warwick’s woeful single I Only Take What’s Mine is mentioned in Myf’s ‘bottom 10 songs‘, most of which I heartily concur with. I mean Walk of Life? *Shudder*

Apparently Wozza had a follow-up techno track more recently called Rippin’ Undies.
Bron (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:21 am) #

Howz what?
THR (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:22 am) #

Chuck, didn’t Warwick Capper have an equally crappy but much less successful single? I can’t find it on the You Tubes.

On topic, I’m told our Warwick made a porno? Is this true? If so, move over Strictly Ballroom/Muriel’s Wedding as the national movie…
Chuck A. Spear (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:23 am) #

I don’t think many people have viewed that movie Bridgit. What was worse than the actual shit and spew eating in 2 girls… were the young youtuber’s filming their Grandma’s reactions while they made them watch it.

Kiss fan are you Bron?
Bridgit Gread (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:25 am) #

Yep, the reaction videos were much funnier than the chocolate-icecream-love of ‘2 Girls’.
Bron (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:27 am) #

Hell, no, Chuck. I think Gene Simmons is one of the most revolting men I’ve ever seen.

And KISS suck, anyway.

(I wonder who will come out in defence of KISS now? There’s always someone…)
THR (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:29 am) #

(I wonder who will come out in defence of KISS now? There’s always someone…)

The wogs will. There’s always someone who like this stuff:

‘Shot through the heart, and your too late.
You give blogs, a bad name…’
Chuck A. Spear (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:30 am) #

Hey Greado, that Capper song must have been really, really fucking atrocious as there is just about zero reference to it on the whole intertubes — appart from Myf’s.

I just watched a youtub video of Warrick and Jacko and I would rather have watched 2 girls again.

Rippin’ Undies. Holy fuck. Those guys should really go back into the music business.
Bridgit Gread (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:34 am) #

I was in primary school when it came out (mid-80s) but I do remember the film clip - lots of Capper with his shirt off, laying on a banana lounge in front of a helicopter and a Porsche, being attended by bikini-clad walking perms. I don’t remember how the music went but I’m 101% sure it was a discordant turd.

(Funny the stuff you hang on to from childhood; I can’t remember any of my primary school teachers.)
Bron (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:39 am) #

Ohhh, I’m kinda remembering something that Capper did in the 80s too. If I was stoned, it would become clear. Er, forget that last sentence.

(I can remember my teacher Mr Ball; have a guess why)
Chuck A. Spear (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:39 am) #

laying on a banana lounge in front of a helicopter and a Porsche, being attended by bikini-clad walking perms.

Was is directed by Dr Geoffrey Eddleston?

At primary school a remember when we took a specky it was called a Capper. Geezus.
Bridgit Gread (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:40 am) #

He molested you?
Bridgit Gread (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:42 am) #

Chuck, by the time I reached puberty Wozza was long gone so the girls all had a thing for Tony Modra (Ablett was bald, Dunstall looked like an ape, Lockett looked like an even bigger ape). Fortunately all had the sense to stay well clear of recording studios.
Bron (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:47 am) #

Ah shit, this always happens when talking to you Melbuns, it always goes back to bloody A bloody F bloody L and the players.

And I sit here nodding my head dumbly.

No, Mr Ball did not molest me, Bridgit. One day he came to the classroom full of Year 4’s and had his fly open, without realising. Of course, we all noticed IMMEDIATELY and started howling with laughter and some wag (Shannon, my third boyfriend by then) made the connection with Mr Ball’s name and his open fly.

For a bunch of 9-10 year olds, it was pretty funneh.
Bridgit Gread (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:48 am) #

So visual molestation - but molestation nonetheless.

And you were obviously affected by it, having at least three boyfriends in Grade Four, you hussy.
Almost Always Wrong (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:50 am) #

Come on Aussie come on - SHANNON NOLL VERSION
Chuck A. Spear (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:53 am) #

Did one of his balls pop-out during PE Bron?

Greado, I totally faggot about Tony Modra. Yeah the girls at my school had a thing for him and his perfect hair-do too. Wozza was a has-been freakshow by then, too busty posing for Penthouse with his crazy wife.

Yes, those other guys couldn’t get near a recording studio because Dunstall and Locket were at Advanced Hair Studios instead and Ablett was at a church or a nightclub.
Bron (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:55 am) #

Oh but they were such cute looking little boys, Bridgit! Shannon, John and Zhang. West Indies/English, Greek and Chinese, respectively.

I’m a traitor to my race!
Bridgit Gread (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:55 am) #

I wonder if The Editor has ever strutted into his classroom with the doors to the meat larder cast wide open.
Bron (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 12:58 am) #

No, Mr Ball didn’t take PE, Chuck. He did force me onto the cricket team though, since I was a good batswoman.

And in my very first game, I ran smack bang into my batting partner, knocked myself out cold, came to in the sick bay, had to go to hospital for a checkup. Needless to say, I quit the team after one match.

I’m still traumatised by that, more than his open fly.
Almost Always Wrong (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 1:00 am) #

Godra could have come out with a single in adelaide at his height but he wanted a career that wasnt riddiculed for the rest of his life.
Bron (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 1:03 am) #

Who the hell is Godra? AFL?

And that Shannon Noll suggestion of yours, AAW, is almost enough to get you banned.
Ray Dixon (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 1:16 am) #

I’m surprised no one’s mentioned “True Blue”.
Almost Always Wrong (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 1:26 am) #

More than a game - the Footy show theme
Zombie Mao (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 1:27 am) #

Shaddup You Face - Joe Dolce

if you don’t know what it is..’whats a madder you?’
Chuck A. Spear (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 1:28 am) #

That was for a reason Ray.
Almost Always Wrong (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 1:37 am) #

As if you dont know who Godra is.
cosmicjester (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 2:03 am) #

Australia, the worlds suburb - TISM

national anthems are rarely amazing, and it could be worse, we could still have god save the queen or that one Amanda Vanstone penned
The Editor (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 8:15 am) #

Pack Yr Suitcases by Custard.
Tom (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 9:24 am) #

I’m going for I am Australian-it recognises both Indigenous and convict Australians (which is also more apt post-Sorry Day). If not that then Down Under or Waltzing Matilda, the former has a great tune and the latter has all of those hilarious words that nobody under 80 uses anymore.
Or, maybe we could take the tune to Moscow, and change the lyrics to suit us (such as being founded because England had too many homicidal criminals). But anything is better then the tripe we have now.
Jeremy (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 10:03 am) #

“Black Adder likes sheep! (See, I’ve bowed to pressure from the readers of this blog and watched the first season of Black Adder).”

Oh, Bron. Did no-one warn you to skip the first season? It’s shit. The cunning, snarky Blackadder of the second to fourth series is instead a wet, insipid, painful-to-watch twat. Eugh.

Please don’t judge the awesomeness of seasons 3 and 4 and the occasional episode in season 2 on the basis of the embarrassing crap that is season 1.

PS Yes I know this is off-topic, but what’s a national anthem when someone’s appreciation of and potential love for Blackadder is at stake?
Magic Bellybutton (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 10:25 am) #

If J-Ho was still PM, I’d suggest Kylie Minogue’s “Step Back In Time”.

But since that isn’t the case - anything by TISM or Frenzal Rhomb.

OR

I Touch Myself - The Divinyls
Bron (Tuesday 22 April 2008, 1:59 pm) #

Jeremy, yep, I did read the comments in some other post about the suckiness of the first season of Black Adder / Blackadder (which is it? Cover of my DVD says Black Adder). But I’m one of those annoying people who has to start from scratch. Or like reading a book - I make it a habit to read from the start, otherwise I’d have no idea if I start on page 104.

Now, I’m going to get Season 2 this afternoon. Wish me luck.