GrodsCorp

Fleshlights (reprise)

Thursday 1 May 2008, 3:20 pm

The Editor

Categories: The internet, Weird shit

Tags: Fleshlight, YahooAnswers

GrodsCommenter Jack Dorf, completely unprovoked, brought the official Fleshlight forum to our attention the other day and fellow commenter Krypto wryly noted that it was time to reset the “days since Fleshlight mention” GrodsClock. So given that I can safely post this now without being accused of breaking the unofficial GrodsCorp Fleshlight ban, here is a gem I found one day at Yahoo Answers during an intertubes walkabout.

But the best bits are in the “other answers” section.

Firstly, this chick is offering her services as a researcher and she can’t even type “fleshlight” into a search engine. Secondly, she’s going to regret asking that question.

“Masturation”? Sounds kinky.

Awwww. This guy’s a SNAG. Always thinking of the laydeez.

39 Comments

Ant Rogenous (Thursday 1 May 2008, 3:31 pm) #

“It’s awesome. I got the anal ribbed one.”

What’s the point of buying something that’s supposed to be life-like if all you want to do is hammer away at a tube with ribs? Why wouldn’t Leodude1 just root the hose from his vacuum cleaner and pocket the money?
The Editor (Thursday 1 May 2008, 3:37 pm) #

A vacuum cleaner’s not very portable, Ant. You know, you’re walking through an art gallery and you just pop into the toilets for a moment…
Wah (Thursday 1 May 2008, 3:42 pm) #

Vacuum cleaner hose?
I ssort of feel inadequate.

Why buy a fleshlight - I reckon MacGivor would whip up a much better device using a water melon, jelly donut and a microwave oven.
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 1 May 2008, 3:48 pm) #

A vacuum cleaner’s not very portable, Ant.

Then how about the bendy plastic hose from a 20lt jerry can? Slips right into your trench-coat pocket.
The Editor (Thursday 1 May 2008, 3:51 pm) #

And if you don’t rinse it off first the residual petrol gives you a pleasant burning sensation.
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 1 May 2008, 3:59 pm) #

And if you’ve been using diesel, you don’t need to worry about lube.
keri (Thursday 1 May 2008, 4:11 pm) #

Jesus. You can tell you’re a stinkin’ Lefty, Ed.

“Walking through an Art gallery”

If you were a REAL man, it’d be the Mens Gallery, not some arty-farty government funded waste of time.
krypto (Thursday 1 May 2008, 5:47 pm) #

guy gives more information about his solitary sexual antics than ANYONE could possibly use, but posts with his name and his mugshot on the gravitar.
You just can’t shame some people can you?
magic bellybutton (Thursday 1 May 2008, 7:08 pm) #

Ant, you’ve thought far too much about this.
Jack Dorf (Thursday 1 May 2008, 7:12 pm) #

Yes, we’ve all dabbled with vacuum tubes, watermelons, sock puppets and soft toys.
But when it comes down to it, nothing beats the rhythmic pulse & convenience of a fleshlight.

Why even reading the patent abstract gets me thinking about visiting my own little “art gallery”.

A sexual preference transfer function that combines the masturbatory action of a first person with the expressed or non-expressed sexual preferences of a second person. A sexual preference transfer function is utilized to improve the control or influence of a sexual pleasure device in contact with a second person based on autonomic and/or manually collected data.

Application number: 11/531,224
Publication number: US 2007/0049792 A1
Filing date: Sep 12, 2006
Inventor: David H. Levy

U.S. Classification
600038000
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 1 May 2008, 7:22 pm) #

Do you reckon David H Levy dreads the question: “So, what do you do?”
The Editor (Thursday 1 May 2008, 7:41 pm) #

“Hey, baby. Do you want to transfer sexual preference function with me?”

“Hey, dude! Sexual preference transfer function you!”
Jack Dorf (Thursday 1 May 2008, 7:50 pm) #

Well, I might just have slipped the wrong fleshlight on to borrow a turn of phrase.

Seems that Steve A Shubin of Austin Texas actually invented the Fleshlight. Thanks to Sherms for the tip!
Bron (Thursday 1 May 2008, 8:19 pm) #

Will wonders never cease?
krypto (Thursday 1 May 2008, 8:41 pm) #

“Yes, we’ve all dabbled with vacuum tubes, watermelons, sock puppets and soft toys.”.
Surely not the kind of sock-puppets that turn up on BLL’s blog at random intervals?
cosmicjester (Thursday 1 May 2008, 9:09 pm) #

what ever happened to sitting on your hand till its numb so it doesnt feel like your hand?
The Editor (Thursday 1 May 2008, 9:12 pm) #

Or an elastic band around your forearm.
Goobermetrics (Thursday 1 May 2008, 9:40 pm) #

Ah…. “the stranger”… cheaper than a fleshlight.
Bridgit Gread (Thursday 1 May 2008, 10:21 pm) #

I’m learning things in this thread.
Chuck A. Spear (Thursday 1 May 2008, 10:44 pm) #

Why the fuck do guys wank with a sock on their cock?

I just don’t get that at all. I can’t touch foam or certain materials. The thought of have material on my knob freaks me the fuck out.

As you were.
Bron (Thursday 1 May 2008, 10:56 pm) #

Oh, so you must be a virgin, then, Chuck.
Chuck A. Spear (Thursday 1 May 2008, 11:01 pm) #

I nearly lost my anal virginity when I crossed the equator with the Navy but that story is not for here.
Bridgit Gread (Thursday 1 May 2008, 11:04 pm) #

Were they wearing socks?
Chuck A. Spear (Thursday 1 May 2008, 11:08 pm) #

LOL;D

No, worse, they had dunny rolls on their cocks. Seriously.
John Surname (Thursday 1 May 2008, 11:10 pm) #

“I nearly lost my anal virginity when I crossed the equator with the Navy but that story is not for here.”

Sounds like one from Random Brainwave.
Bridgit Gread (Thursday 1 May 2008, 11:12 pm) #

So what happens if you cross the prime meridian or the Tropic of Cancer? Do you get wanked off by the ship’s cook?
Bron (Thursday 1 May 2008, 11:16 pm) #

As usual, Bridgit cracks me up and makes me laugh very loud. God, Bridg, please stop it. I don’t need tears before bedtime.
Bridgit Gread (Thursday 1 May 2008, 11:17 pm) #

Sorry, I’m fascinated by maritime sexual practices. And Chuck is the resident expert.
Chuck A. Spear (Thursday 1 May 2008, 11:18 pm) #

No the doctor. Who has the rank of Captain. You don’t know what you are missing on land.
Chuck A. Spear (Thursday 1 May 2008, 11:21 pm) #

I was almost molested while washing the ships sailor uniforms.

Remember Tampa?

Well it was then. I was on Transit Security Element (TSE) 2 looking for Suspected Illegal Immigrant Vessels (SIEVs). And my friend, Guido, and I got the shock of our lives.
Bron (Thursday 1 May 2008, 11:32 pm) #

They threw you overboard?

Don’t blame ‘em.
Chuck A. Spear (Thursday 1 May 2008, 11:34 pm) #

I was a pawn in an attempted porn ring, Bron.
John Surname (Friday 2 May 2008, 12:09 am) #

Chuck: Army strongman/tram driver/internet superstar
Chuck A. Spear (Friday 2 May 2008, 12:15 am) #

Army strongman/tram driver…

Yeah, I dabbled in those vocations in my youth, but now I am a stuntman for Neighbours.
John Surname (Friday 2 May 2008, 12:26 am) #

We know, we know. Tell us again about the time you stood in for Lou when the bomb went off in the pornographic magazine warehouse.
Chuck A. Spear (Friday 2 May 2008, 6:52 am) #

I do BMX stunts, complicated skateboard moves at Jells Park and anything that involves a cock, John. Explosions are for amateurs.
keri (Friday 2 May 2008, 7:58 am) #

Where you Harold’s Stunt Cock?
keri (Friday 2 May 2008, 7:58 am) #

Were you, WERE you.

Fucks sake.
Anthony_ (Friday 2 May 2008, 1:35 pm) #

I don’t want to google fleshlight. Thinking its very much the same as been told to look at 2girls1cup.