More Nelson doorstop gold

Posted by Scott on Friday 2 May 2008, 8:02 am
Categories: Politics Tags: BrendanNelson, Gippsland, LiberalParty, RohanFitzgerald

Opposition leader Brendan “I’m a doctor” Nelson is a comedy show with legs and a forehead. His doorstop interview efforts will be studied by future political science students and are sure to become the stuff of legend. Bren-doc yesterday appeared at the campaign launch of Gippsland Liberal candidate Rohan Fitzgerald and he was performing at the peak of his powers.

Firstly, what would a Nelson interview be like without the ad nauseum repeating of his holy trinity message that deserves a hearty drink! each time it’s spoken?

The key issues for the by-election campaign are really going to be for the people of Gippsland to ask themselves, after more than five months of a Labor Government in Canberra, is it easier for me to keep my house? Is it easier for me to keep my small business? Is it easier for me to fill my car up with petrol or put groceries in my shopping trolley?

Drink!

…trying to put petrol in your car, trying to buy groceries, trying to keep a roof over your head…

Drink!

And the issues that are really going to determine the outcome in this election are going to be about housing and mortgages and petrol and groceries…

Drink!

…this is about keeping a roof over your head, being able to feed, clothe and house your children, putting petrol in your car and buying groceries…

Drink!

Has it got harder for me to keep my house, is my job more or less secure than it was, is it easier to put petrol in the car, buy groceries every week?

Drink!

Well, the most important issues are affording your house, making sure that the Government makes decisions that actually keep interest rates at a level that we can all manage, making sure that petrol and groceries are affordable…

Drink! Drink! Drink!

Then in the vein of the good doctor’s previous “Just watch” effort there was this brilliant exchange.

QUESTION: What do you believe that you can offer the Gippsland people that the Nationals can’t?

DR NELSON: Rohan Fitzgerald.

BAM! Take that, reporter. Totally pwned.

And then Nelson got himself all tied up in knots with this hideously mangled metaphor that ended up proving nothing except for his imbecility.

We will be looking for very solid, sound economic management from the Government in the Budget that’s coming up. And let’s just remember – it’s like the cardboard cut out of Mr Rudd in the federal parliament – Mr Rudd last year decided that he was going to run some advertisements to try and tell people he was a fiscal conservative and now we’re about to actually find out just what the economic credibility of Mr Rudd and Mr Swan is.

What?

No wonder Rohan Fitzgerald doesn’t have a single photo or mention of Dr Bren-doc Nelson on his website, unlike 2007 Liberal election candidates who had John Howard plastered all over the place.

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26 comments on “More Nelson doorstop gold”

Friday 2 May 2008, 9:54 am #Wah

“after more than five months of a Labor Government in Canberra … ”

Fuck me dead, five months! That’s a fair time frame for Rudd to have done shit - the Italians would have had three governments by now.

Friday 2 May 2008, 9:59 am #Damian

Comedy genius.

But when is he going to explain precisely how a Liberal gumint would help Aussies keep their houses and buy their groceries and put petrol in their cars?

Friday 2 May 2008, 10:04 am #cosmicjester

im dissapointed he didnt retell his yarn about the girls that could only afford to put $30 and $5 worth of petrol in their car, that one was always my favourite Nelsonism

Friday 2 May 2008, 10:15 am #Wah

These are hard times - Kevin Rudd was on Neil Mitchell this morning and guy from Gippsland called in to say that as a mature tax payer he is made to suffer because of the new tax on pre-mixed spirits. “I pay tax and now I’m slugged again for scotch and cola, I’m not a binge drinker” he complained.
It’s a sad when working families in Gippsland can no longer afford UDLs. This never happened under a Howard Government.

Friday 2 May 2008, 10:33 am #keri

Ed,

It’s Teachers Day in Iran today.

Happy Teachers Day!

Friday 2 May 2008, 10:35 am #Jeremy

Thank God you’ve got the liberal party website to fall back on when there’s nothing to blog about.

I’m completely stuck.

Friday 2 May 2008, 10:42 am #Damian

Yeah, happy teachers’ day, Ed!

Jeremy, how about Sami al-Hajj? (I’m on a blogging break because I’m, err, writing essays, but would be blogging about Sami otherwise.)

Friday 2 May 2008, 10:51 am #Wah

Jeremy how about the fact that Bolt has been totally silent on revelations by the prosecuter in the David Hicks case that Hicks was tortured and should never have been charged.

Or his column that racism is alive and well in Australia because of Welcome to Country ceremonies, without even mentioning the fact that Indian cab drivers are treated like shit by racist arseholes?

Friday 2 May 2008, 11:04 am #cosmicjester

this is another choice nelsonism

“Well, you’ve just got to have a look at what Mr Rudd does. When I went to his 2020 Summit, his talkfest, I met the representative of the sex workers collective, I met the representative of the Maritime Union of Australia, but there was not a single person there from the aged care sector. ”

oh noes, whores and union thugs

Friday 2 May 2008, 11:17 am #Bruce

Ahah! I saw “would would” dissolve into “what would”! You are dismissed from the Gestapo of Orthographic Nazism, your papers will be burned and you will be sent off to be experimented upon by a certain Mengle!

* Goosesteps The Ed off to the train *

Friday 2 May 2008, 11:21 am #Wah

I reckon the sex workers collective and the maritime union of Australia would work very closely together.

Friday 2 May 2008, 11:27 am #Damian

They’re good suggestions for Jeremy, Wah. Another one, re Bolta, would be about how he wa sharping on about China sending arms to Zimbabwe but has neglected the next part of the story, namely that international trade unions have taken action in solidarity with the people of Zimbabwe and prevented the shipment from being unloaded at any African port.

Friday 2 May 2008, 11:32 am #Mikey

It’s a sad when working families in Gippsland can no longer afford UDLs. This never happened under a Howard Government.

LOL. I didst laff at that.

Stuck for a blogging subject? Just recount something embarrasing that happened to you. That’s what I do!

Friday 2 May 2008, 11:44 am #The Editor

Bruce: Ahah! I saw “would would” dissolve into “what would”!

You saw nothing, Bruce. Nothing.

Friday 2 May 2008, 12:29 pm #Bron

You saw nothing, Bruce, because I look after my comrades.

Friday 2 May 2008, 12:29 pm #Bron

(But I still have the email proof)

Friday 2 May 2008, 12:56 pm #krypto

Rudd’s “working families” Howard’s “battler’s” (sheah right, battling justice and equality more like), “Dr.” John Hewson’s “I worked vewy hard for my fewawi” Keating’s “true believers” and now this sorry offering to the list of political catch phrases.
It’s meagre fare that’s for sure.

Friday 2 May 2008, 6:05 pm #brokenleftleg

This is why there is so much binge drinking. The youth of today have a new drinkin game, called Nelson’s revenge. Every time the doc says “petrol” “house” or “food prices” they have to skull. Poor little tykes are all ending up in comas by the end of the doorstops.
if the Libs were genuinely concenred about Binge drinking, they would stop the doc from speaking.

Friday 2 May 2008, 6:29 pm #Ray Dixon

…keep interest rates at a level that WE can all manage

Don’t you just love the way Nelson uses the collective pronoun here? What an idiot, as if people earning average wages are in the same boat as him. A clever or caring politician would have said, “at a rate that YOU can afford”. No wonder his approval rating is less than the current home loan interest rate of 9.5%. He just doesn’t connect.

Friday 2 May 2008, 6:40 pm #philip travers

With a name like Ray Dixon I thought you would be more circumspect! After all even when Menzies wrote Afternoon Light,he must of peed occasionally!? Someone has got to manage it!?

Friday 2 May 2008, 7:01 pm #Ray Dixon

Huh?

Friday 2 May 2008, 7:41 pm #Jack Dorf

Well, the most important issues are affording your petrol, making sure that the Government makes decisions that actually keep petrol at a level that we can all manage, making sure that petrol and diesel are affordable.