GrodsCorp

Proto-lefties

Thursday 8 May 2008, 3:06 pm

The Editor

Categories: Life, Politics

Tags: leftism, Skeptic, socialism

Congratulations to GrodsReader Skeptic who has recently given birth to twin girls (or at least his partner has.) Skeptic is seeking suggestions from other GrodsReaders “as to the appropriate lefty indoctrination I should now be following to make sure the little ones are participating in group thinking and other socialist-related activities?”

My advice is to ensure that the girls’ first non-breast food is a latte. Leave your advice in comments.

28 Comments

krypto (Thursday 8 May 2008, 3:10 pm) #

can you paint the nursery red? perhaps with a hammer and sickle mobile above the crib.

Read them Marx as a bedtime story and make sure you get them the ‘Revolutionary Che Guevera” arbie, complete with sideburns and a beret.

Maybe hang a couple of Frida Kahloh’s better prints somewhere prominent.
magic bellybutton (Thursday 8 May 2008, 3:11 pm) #

Bit of Marx at bedtime should help.

Dress them in nothing but red.
magic bellybutton (Thursday 8 May 2008, 3:12 pm) #

Damn you krypto!!!
Damian (Thursday 8 May 2008, 3:12 pm) #

When friends want to knit beanies, insist on a keffiyeh.
philip travers (Thursday 8 May 2008, 3:16 pm) #

Make sure they eat red Kidney Beans,and save a few,if anyone asks for a kidney! Damien,you impostor you!
Bron (Thursday 8 May 2008, 3:17 pm) #

Damn you krypto!!!

See, groupthinking at its finest.
—————
Congrats, Skeptic!
THR (Thursday 8 May 2008, 3:23 pm) #

Dip the dummy in a bit of soy latte.

Refer to the children’s mother as El Commandante.

Buy kids books from the Trades Hall bookstore, with titles like ‘Clifford the Big Red Trotskyite’. When they get older, maybe a cautionary novel, such as ‘Stormfront Boy’.

Should either child express a preference for commercial (as opposed to Soviet) radio, gently remind them that this is petit-bourgeois devationism, and ask them to spend some time working in the naughty corner (i.e. the sugarcane fields, or mines, depending on location of said child).
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 8 May 2008, 3:32 pm) #

Excellent news, Skeptic. Congratulations!
skeptic (Thursday 8 May 2008, 3:34 pm) #

LOL, very good. Thank you to all for your king group-thinking thoughts!

I don’t even know what a keffiyeh is, let alone how to pronounce it, so it must be good!

I think Mrs skeptic is already producing skinny-soy-latte flavoured breast milk.

Is pink an appropriate colour for lefty girls, given that they will grow up to be bloody pinkos!?

And THR, Storm Boy was one of my favourite books as a young boy but I’m glad it has been updated for the new millenium.
skeptic (Thursday 8 May 2008, 3:36 pm) #

~~king~~ kind group-thinking thoughts!
magic bellybutton (Thursday 8 May 2008, 3:43 pm) #

Also, you need to find yourself some Gays and indoctrinate them into the gay lifestyle. If they’re going to be good, upstanding lefties, they need to have a nice grounding in being lesbian feminists.
Krypto's mum (Thursday 8 May 2008, 3:45 pm) #

let the record state that I grouthunk first.
Steve (Thursday 8 May 2008, 3:45 pm) #

What she needs is a mobile with the dangling severed heads of the bourgeoisie, that spins around to The Internationale.
Keri (Thursday 8 May 2008, 3:48 pm) #

Congratulations, Skeptic!

Considering most kids rebel against their parents, I’d try and indoctrine them into the “Right” way of thinking, and just sit back and wait for puberty to hit.
Wah (Thursday 8 May 2008, 4:04 pm) #

Get the twins to train in gymnastics early and make them know that’s all they will ever do, I’d start about next month.

When one takes something off them and you have to teach them to share, it’s not enough to say “No, you don’t do that, you must share”. Read them the whole Communist Manifesto as well.

Tell them that Alexander Downer eats small children in their sleep.

Make sure they only like the Red Wiggle, Po the red Telletubbie and Elmo.

Whenever Julia Gillard is on TV point and say “real mummy”.
Krypto (Thursday 8 May 2008, 4:08 pm) #

I’ll tell you what, all bullshit aside, Oscar Wilde’s “the Happy Prince” as a bedtime story and “the little match girl” both are absolute tear jerkers and will blossom into a healthy disdain for capitalist bougeoirse and profit motivation at the expense of social justice in years to come.

Seriously, Oscar Wilde’s children’s stories, I think they are some of his best work.
Jeremy (Thursday 8 May 2008, 5:23 pm) #

Pretend to try to raise them as conservatives, but do it in a sarcastic, piss-poor way that makes them hate anything to do with the word. Get them to associate right-wing economics with the foods they most hate, and social conservatism with wearing uncomfortable clothes and not having an xbox.
Damian (Thursday 8 May 2008, 6:44 pm) #

Also, you should baptise the little comrades with chardonnay rather than water.
John Surname (Thursday 8 May 2008, 11:17 pm) #

Congratulations, Skeptic!
Krypto (Thursday 8 May 2008, 11:35 pm) #

Jeremy, you’d make a fine head-master at a pretentious boarding school if you ever decided to give law the arse.
skeptic (Friday 9 May 2008, 10:42 am) #

There are some bloody funny people on this blog, thank you again to everyone.

Love the ‘conservative = bad’ meme Jeremy and Wah, your “Gillard as mummy” is priceless.
Damian (Friday 9 May 2008, 10:48 am) #

Skeptic, I neglected to offer my congratulations. So here it is: congratulations to you both. I’m at that point where the missus and I are planning sprogs ourselves, so I well understand the excitement and happiness involved. Good on you.
Bruce (Friday 9 May 2008, 11:28 am) #

Tell them the tales of “Annual Jolly Gift Giving Man” and “Imaginary Sky Daddy” and tell them early. You want them poking holes in other kids bourgeois fantasies the moment they get into kindy.
Bruce (Friday 9 May 2008, 11:30 am) #

Oh, and scent their bedroom with patchouli incense and get some Hawkwind for ambient music.
skeptic (Friday 9 May 2008, 12:04 pm) #

Ok, now I draw the line at Hawkwind.

I think I’ll just put Billy Bragg on a loop …
Krypto (Friday 9 May 2008, 1:41 pm) #

of course, I forgot about the “tickle-me Billy Bragg” yes, you should definitely get them one of those.
Damian (Friday 9 May 2008, 1:44 pm) #

Yes, but only one that is made in Venezuela by a worker-run factory.
Bruce (Friday 9 May 2008, 3:30 pm) #

Oh, and congrats Skeptic. ;-)