grodscorp@grods.comWhat’s the hurry?
 | Posted by Jeremy on Wednesday 14 May 2008, 10:25 pm Categories: GroupThinkFC Tags: GroupThinkFC, soccer |
A quick message to the courageous members of GroupThink F.C., playing tomorrow night short two of its bedrock players, including the captain. A quick message to the remaining members of the team, and the two fill-ins they’ve organised, who are hopefully of a lower standard than the players they’re replacing. (Wouldn’t filling-in with better players be cheating somehow? Certainly against the spirit of the competition.)
That message: take it easy, guys. There’s no need to risk painful injuries. If you play too hard you could twist an ankle. You could be involved in some kind of horrible collision. If you’re standing with your back to the goal and an opponent belts the ball at you, for god sake duck out of the way. Is one goal saved really worth the potential of testicular suffering? No, it isn’t. Not this week. Maybe next week, when your captain returns, but not now.
Now is a time for practising new moves, new strategies - seeing what works, what doesn’t. If you find something that looks promising, that seems to be working, file that information away for future reference - and go and try something different. Let’s concentrate this week on exploring strategies that have never worked in the past and may never work in the future. Let’s make absolutely certain that they’re a bad idea before we abandon them completely.
Also, Ant will probably be giving you useful directions from the goals, because he can see what’s going on. Whilst listening to him is usually a good idea, this week let’s just see what happens if you don’t. This way you’ll be able to have confidence in the future that following Ant’s suggestions is a good idea - and you’ll know that because you tried the alternative, and lost abysmally. See? Then we’ll know.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD don’t let our first victory be the first game I’m forced to miss. Okay? Guys?
Thursday 15 May 2008, 1:24 am #Zombie Mao
well, it’s destined to be a win now.
Assuming the opposition is an under 10 girls outfit or something.
Thursday 15 May 2008, 1:42 am #Chuck A. Spear
Good point Zombie, I mean, have any of the blogosphere actually got behind GrodsThinkFC?
More to the point have GrodsThinkFC lived up to their potential?
I for one think they need to do a Tonya Harding on the next team of under 10’s they face. You can order collapsible batons from the same site you can get anal Fleshlights.
GO GRODSTHINKFC!
Thursday 15 May 2008, 7:11 am #Ant Rogenous
You know you’ve got a PR problem when GroupThinkFC’s number-one fan is rooting for GrodsThinkFC.
Thursday 15 May 2008, 7:40 am #The Editor
Two quick points, Jeremy.
Firstly, what you’ve just described sounds like how we play every week.
Secondly, with about ten losses on the trot I don’t think we could call any of us “bedrock” players.
Thursday 15 May 2008, 2:21 pm #Dave from Albury
What will you guys do on your end of season trip? Drinking daquaris in Bali seems to good for you.
Thursday 15 May 2008, 5:12 pm #Jeremy
Oh, come on, guys. It’s the People’s indoor soccer team. We’re playing for YOU. Why - apart from our consistent history of losing badly - such antipathy?
Thursday 15 May 2008, 8:18 pm #brokenleftleg
What was the score?
Thursday 15 May 2008, 8:24 pm #Ant Rogenous
Loss: 2-8.
We had a lot of the ball and fired in plenty of good shots on goal, but their keeper was a goddamned freak.
Jeremy, the voodoo dolls appear to have worked. You can take the pins out now.
Thursday 15 May 2008, 8:37 pm #Bron
YES!!! I won the bet!
Thursday 15 May 2008, 8:46 pm #Ant Rogenous
But you lost your soul.
Thursday 15 May 2008, 8:58 pm #Bron
But I won $20. That’s worth selling my soul for.
Thursday 15 May 2008, 9:28 pm #The Editor
Who, pray tell, did you win $20 off?
Thursday 15 May 2008, 9:38 pm #Bron
My brother. He reads this site to keep an eye on me, apparently.
But he can go to buggery for all I care!
Wait, I should have said that AFTER I got my $20.
(He loves this site, BTW, and finds the Groupthink FC losing streak pretty funny, as do I.)
Thursday 15 May 2008, 9:40 pm #The Editor
First warning, Bron. The people will learn that the glorious GroupthinkFC must be supported because, deep down in their hearts, they want to support us. (They just don’t know it yet.)
Thursday 15 May 2008, 9:49 pm #Bron
Biggest load of propaganda I’ve read in ages, Ed.
Thursday 15 May 2008, 9:56 pm #Chuck A. Spear
Face it, the only way you guys are ever going to win is if the other team forfeit.
Thursday 15 May 2008, 10:14 pm #John Surname
Tell Jeremy to stop turning around and running towards the opposition’s goal whenever he gets the ball.
I’m serious, everyone. He does this.
Thursday 15 May 2008, 10:18 pm #Wah
So you’ve gone from 3rd division to 12th division and are still getting shat on.
I’m amazed that when you were in third division you didn’t actually die.
I think, based on your shitness and miserable outlook, you should change your name to State Liberals
Thursday 15 May 2008, 10:25 pm #The Editor
On behalf of everyone in GroupthinkFC I’d just like to thank all GrodsReaders for their overwhelming support.
Thursday 15 May 2008, 10:36 pm #John Surname
There’s a rumour going around that Ant is throwing the matches to win bets.
On Monday Madness!!!!!!!!
Thursday 15 May 2008, 10:44 pm #Jeremy
That’s a fucking lie, Surname.
Thursday 15 May 2008, 11:17 pm #John Surname
All I know is I’m making a mint off you guys.
Friday 16 May 2008, 6:55 am #The Editor
I always knew that’s Ant’s frustration at the number of goals he concedes in goal thanks to our lacklustre defence on the field was staged. And I guess he was trying to throw us off the scent when he told the ref one week to “put on a red shirt, you cunt.” (The opposition were wearing red.)
Friday 16 May 2008, 8:19 am #Jeremy
I actually meant that your allegation regarding my playing tactic was a fucking lie. We know Ant’s throwing matches.
Friday 16 May 2008, 9:55 am #Ant Rogenous
Now look here: I’ll be throwing tantrums next if these nasty allegations continue.
All I’ve done is give an Indian bookmaker named “John” pitch and weather reports. I don’t see how anyone could possibly get in trouble for something like that.
Friday 16 May 2008, 9:40 pm #brokenleftleg
How dumb is Bron’s brother? Betting a $20 on Groupthink FC.
Hey Bron, does you brother want to bet that Nelson will be the next PM?
Friday 16 May 2008, 10:05 pm #Bron
I’d agree with you there about my dumb brother, BLL, but my brother might be reading this, so I won’t.
Friday 16 May 2008, 11:26 pm #Ant Rogenous
Bron’s brother sounds like a pretty good bloke to me — a true believer.
Saturday 17 May 2008, 10:59 am #John Surname
He must be the truest believer of all.
I have just checked some odds, and the chances of Jesus turning out to be Barry Manilow are higher than GroupThink FC winning a game.
Saturday 17 May 2008, 12:10 pm #Jeremy
If you’re so certain of that, Surname, and are not just talking out your arse, I’ll make a bet with you - what odds will you give me against GroupThink F.C. winning a match this season?
Saturday 17 May 2008, 10:58 pm #John Surname
How long is a season?
Sunday 18 May 2008, 9:37 am #Jeremy
Ah, so your confidence in our crapness isn’t all that absolute after all.
Current fixture goes to June, but there’ll be finals after that which WE COULD BE INVOLVED IN.
What kind of odds and bet will you offer on the subject of our not winning a game any time soon? Less likely than Manilow being Jesus, well, if you believed that surely you’d offer at least 5 to 1 odds against us winning a game this year.
Sunday 18 May 2008, 2:20 pm #John Surname
No, Jeremy, I need the length of your season to accurately calculate the odds. Now stop stalling and tell me how long a season is.
Sunday 18 May 2008, 2:32 pm #Bron
6 inches, John.
Sunday 18 May 2008, 4:07 pm #Ant Rogenous
As long as it is hard.
Sunday 18 May 2008, 5:03 pm #Jeremy
Not sure how long the season is. Current roster goes to round 15 in late June.
Do you think we’ll win a game this year? If not, how about we say five to one on us winning a game this year (not including forfeits)? More than generous, I’d have thought, given your Jesus/Manilow reference.
Sunday 18 May 2008, 5:31 pm #John Surname
No I don’t think you’ll win a game. I put the odds at 100-1. I will make a $1 bet with you.
Sunday 18 May 2008, 5:38 pm #Jeremy
You’re on. If we don’t win a game this year, I’ll hand over a dollar. If we do win a game this year, you’ll somehow front up $100*. Deal?
*Which, fellow members of GroupThink F.C., will of course go to the victory celebrations.
Sunday 18 May 2008, 5:45 pm #John Surname
I could really use that dollar.
Sunday 18 May 2008, 5:56 pm #Ant Rogenous
Foolish bet, Surname. I’ve got Archie Thompson’s phone number, and you didn’t say anything about ring-ins.