GrodsCorp

What’s the hurry?

Wednesday 14 May 2008, 10:25 pm

Jeremy

Categories: GroupThinkFC

Tags: GroupThinkFC, soccer

A quick message to the courageous members of GroupThink F.C., playing tomorrow night short two of its bedrock players, including the captain. A quick message to the remaining members of the team, and the two fill-ins they’ve organised, who are hopefully of a lower standard than the players they’re replacing. (Wouldn’t filling-in with better players be cheating somehow? Certainly against the spirit of the competition.)

That message: take it easy, guys. There’s no need to risk painful injuries. If you play too hard you could twist an ankle. You could be involved in some kind of horrible collision. If you’re standing with your back to the goal and an opponent belts the ball at you, for god sake duck out of the way. Is one goal saved really worth the potential of testicular suffering? No, it isn’t. Not this week. Maybe next week, when your captain returns, but not now.

Now is a time for practising new moves, new strategies - seeing what works, what doesn’t. If you find something that looks promising, that seems to be working, file that information away for future reference - and go and try something different. Let’s concentrate this week on exploring strategies that have never worked in the past and may never work in the future. Let’s make absolutely certain that they’re a bad idea before we abandon them completely.

Also, Ant will probably be giving you useful directions from the goals, because he can see what’s going on. Whilst listening to him is usually a good idea, this week let’s just see what happens if you don’t. This way you’ll be able to have confidence in the future that following Ant’s suggestions is a good idea - and you’ll know that because you tried the alternative, and lost abysmally. See? Then we’ll know.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD don’t let our first victory be the first game I’m forced to miss. Okay? Guys?

40 Comments

Zombie Mao (Thursday 15 May 2008, 1:24 am) #

well, it’s destined to be a win now.

Assuming the opposition is an under 10 girls outfit or something.
Chuck A. Spear (Thursday 15 May 2008, 1:42 am) #

Good point Zombie, I mean, have any of the blogosphere actually got behind GrodsThinkFC?

More to the point have GrodsThinkFC lived up to their potential?

I for one think they need to do a Tonya Harding on the next team of under 10’s they face. You can order collapsible batons from the same site you can get anal Fleshlights.

GO GRODSTHINKFC!
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 15 May 2008, 7:11 am) #

You know you’ve got a PR problem when GroupThinkFC’s number-one fan is rooting for GrodsThinkFC.
The Editor (Thursday 15 May 2008, 7:40 am) #

Two quick points, Jeremy.

Firstly, what you’ve just described sounds like how we play every week.

Secondly, with about ten losses on the trot I don’t think we could call any of us “bedrock” players.
Dave from Albury (Thursday 15 May 2008, 2:21 pm) #

What will you guys do on your end of season trip? Drinking daquaris in Bali seems to good for you.
Jeremy (Thursday 15 May 2008, 5:12 pm) #

Oh, come on, guys. It’s the People’s indoor soccer team. We’re playing for YOU. Why - apart from our consistent history of losing badly - such antipathy?
brokenleftleg (Thursday 15 May 2008, 8:18 pm) #

What was the score?
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 15 May 2008, 8:24 pm) #

Loss: 2-8.

We had a lot of the ball and fired in plenty of good shots on goal, but their keeper was a goddamned freak.

Jeremy, the voodoo dolls appear to have worked. You can take the pins out now.
Bron (Thursday 15 May 2008, 8:37 pm) #

YES!!! I won the bet!
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 15 May 2008, 8:46 pm) #

But you lost your soul.
Bron (Thursday 15 May 2008, 8:58 pm) #

But I won $20. That’s worth selling my soul for.
The Editor (Thursday 15 May 2008, 9:28 pm) #

Who, pray tell, did you win $20 off?
Bron (Thursday 15 May 2008, 9:38 pm) #

My brother. He reads this site to keep an eye on me, apparently.

But he can go to buggery for all I care!

Wait, I should have said that AFTER I got my $20.

(He loves this site, BTW, and finds the Groupthink FC losing streak pretty funny, as do I.)
The Editor (Thursday 15 May 2008, 9:40 pm) #

First warning, Bron. The people will learn that the glorious GroupthinkFC must be supported because, deep down in their hearts, they want to support us. (They just don’t know it yet.)
Bron (Thursday 15 May 2008, 9:49 pm) #

Biggest load of propaganda I’ve read in ages, Ed.
Chuck A. Spear (Thursday 15 May 2008, 9:56 pm) #

Face it, the only way you guys are ever going to win is if the other team forfeit.
John Surname (Thursday 15 May 2008, 10:14 pm) #

Tell Jeremy to stop turning around and running towards the opposition’s goal whenever he gets the ball.

I’m serious, everyone. He does this.
Wah (Thursday 15 May 2008, 10:18 pm) #

So you’ve gone from 3rd division to 12th division and are still getting shat on.
I’m amazed that when you were in third division you didn’t actually die.
I think, based on your shitness and miserable outlook, you should change your name to State Liberals
The Editor (Thursday 15 May 2008, 10:25 pm) #

On behalf of everyone in GroupthinkFC I’d just like to thank all GrodsReaders for their overwhelming support.
John Surname (Thursday 15 May 2008, 10:36 pm) #

There’s a rumour going around that Ant is throwing the matches to win bets.

On Monday Madness!!!!!!!!
Jeremy (Thursday 15 May 2008, 10:44 pm) #

That’s a fucking lie, Surname.
John Surname (Thursday 15 May 2008, 11:17 pm) #

All I know is I’m making a mint off you guys.
The Editor (Friday 16 May 2008, 6:55 am) #

I always knew that’s Ant’s frustration at the number of goals he concedes in goal thanks to our lacklustre defence on the field was staged. And I guess he was trying to throw us off the scent when he told the ref one week to “put on a red shirt, you cunt.” (The opposition were wearing red.)
Jeremy (Friday 16 May 2008, 8:19 am) #

I actually meant that your allegation regarding my playing tactic was a fucking lie. We know Ant’s throwing matches.
Ant Rogenous (Friday 16 May 2008, 9:55 am) #

Now look here: I’ll be throwing tantrums next if these nasty allegations continue.

All I’ve done is give an Indian bookmaker named “John” pitch and weather reports. I don’t see how anyone could possibly get in trouble for something like that.
brokenleftleg (Friday 16 May 2008, 9:40 pm) #

How dumb is Bron’s brother? Betting a $20 on Groupthink FC.
Hey Bron, does you brother want to bet that Nelson will be the next PM?
Bron (Friday 16 May 2008, 10:05 pm) #

I’d agree with you there about my dumb brother, BLL, but my brother might be reading this, so I won’t.
Ant Rogenous (Friday 16 May 2008, 11:26 pm) #

Bron’s brother sounds like a pretty good bloke to me — a true believer.
John Surname (Saturday 17 May 2008, 10:59 am) #

He must be the truest believer of all.

I have just checked some odds, and the chances of Jesus turning out to be Barry Manilow are higher than GroupThink FC winning a game.
Jeremy (Saturday 17 May 2008, 12:10 pm) #

If you’re so certain of that, Surname, and are not just talking out your arse, I’ll make a bet with you - what odds will you give me against GroupThink F.C. winning a match this season?
John Surname (Saturday 17 May 2008, 10:58 pm) #

How long is a season?
Jeremy (Sunday 18 May 2008, 9:37 am) #

Ah, so your confidence in our crapness isn’t all that absolute after all.

Current fixture goes to June, but there’ll be finals after that which WE COULD BE INVOLVED IN.

What kind of odds and bet will you offer on the subject of our not winning a game any time soon? Less likely than Manilow being Jesus, well, if you believed that surely you’d offer at least 5 to 1 odds against us winning a game this year.
John Surname (Sunday 18 May 2008, 2:20 pm) #

No, Jeremy, I need the length of your season to accurately calculate the odds. Now stop stalling and tell me how long a season is.
Bron (Sunday 18 May 2008, 2:32 pm) #

6 inches, John.
Ant Rogenous (Sunday 18 May 2008, 4:07 pm) #

As long as it is hard.
Jeremy (Sunday 18 May 2008, 5:03 pm) #

Not sure how long the season is. Current roster goes to round 15 in late June.

Do you think we’ll win a game this year? If not, how about we say five to one on us winning a game this year (not including forfeits)? More than generous, I’d have thought, given your Jesus/Manilow reference.
John Surname (Sunday 18 May 2008, 5:31 pm) #

No I don’t think you’ll win a game. I put the odds at 100-1. I will make a $1 bet with you.
Jeremy (Sunday 18 May 2008, 5:38 pm) #

You’re on. If we don’t win a game this year, I’ll hand over a dollar. If we do win a game this year, you’ll somehow front up $100*. Deal?

*Which, fellow members of GroupThink F.C., will of course go to the victory celebrations.
John Surname (Sunday 18 May 2008, 5:45 pm) #

I could really use that dollar.
Ant Rogenous (Sunday 18 May 2008, 5:56 pm) #

Foolish bet, Surname. I’ve got Archie Thompson’s phone number, and you didn’t say anything about ring-ins.