GrodsCorp

Brendan Nelson’s budget reply

Thursday 15 May 2008, 9:55 pm

The Editor

Categories: Politics

Tags: BrendanNelson, LiberalParty, TheBudget2008

I’ve been a very bad blogger this week because I missed the budget speech (GrodsThink recording) and the budget reply speech (GroupthinkFC match.) So I’ve arrived home this evening at 9pm keen for news on Nelson’s last moment in the spotlight before he’s surely disappeared by the Liberals.

First I check the ABC and learn that the opposition will use its Senate majority to oppose alcopop tax rises and changes to the Medicare levy threshold. Conspicuously absent from the list of things that Nelson will oppose is the baby bonus means test which he’s kinda, sorta but not really been opposing (or supporting) since Tuesday.

Next I check the transcript of his speech which has me alternating between bashing my head on the table and yelling “drink!” before I even go a handful of paragraphs.

Mr Speaker. Australians expected a lot with the election of a new government.

Last year they listened to what the now Prime Minister and Treasurer had to say.

They heard them say they were going to be good economic managers.

They heard them say that they would do something about grocery prices.

Drink!

They heard them say they would do something about the price of petrol.

Drink!

They heard them say they would do something about home interest rates.

Drink!

They heard a lot.

Every Australian should now ask themselves this question:

Will this budget make it easier to keep my house, fill the car with petrol, put groceries in the trolley and keep my job?

Skol!

And then I read through the rest of his speech and could spend the next hour destroying it line-by-line with my rapier wit (and I’ll probably have a crack at the education section of his speech tomorrow) but I’ll simply note right now that I was relieved to see that Bren-doc didn’t miss the opportunity to insert a small anecdote about his medical practice to remind us, once again, that he’s a doctor.

Alcohol abuse is a problem. It is a real problem, confined not only to some young people, but right across society. I spent much of my medical life seeing its human consequences.

I’m Dr Brendan Nelson. I used to be a doctor. I’m here to help. I’m here to criticise the Labor government for not doing things in six short months that the Liberal government had eleven long years to do.

13 Comments

Zombie Mao (Thursday 15 May 2008, 10:29 pm) #

5 cents off petrol

now that would be a revolution.

Rip the hell out of the budget.

But it would lower prices. For about 10 minutes.

SHEER GENIUS

I’ll drink a pink bacardi breezer to that!
Roast G (Thursday 15 May 2008, 10:54 pm) #

I stopped listening after a few minutes, but I couldn’t help notice a couple of moments in which Nelson seemed to receive applause off camera.

It didn’t seem to come from the MPs, so I presume it was a bunch of Libs in the galleries?
Mikey (Thursday 15 May 2008, 11:07 pm) #

I had to turn it off in the end. Their sheer ability to ignore all the crap they did in office offended my logic circuits. I was in danger of scannering over my lounge room.

Oh - off topic - FL sighting.

http://harrangueman.blogspot.com/2008/05/inner-sanctum-eh.html
Damian (Thursday 15 May 2008, 11:36 pm) #

I’m drunk.
magic bellybutton (Thursday 15 May 2008, 11:45 pm) #

So … what you’re saying is that he used to be a doctor? Wow. First I’ve heard of it.
Evil Bill (Friday 16 May 2008, 12:32 am) #

Does Bren-doc have any idea how much of a contribution he could make to solving the alcoholism problem simply by quitting his parroting of the same tired groceries, petrol, housing line?
Damian (Friday 16 May 2008, 12:40 am) #

Ah, Mr Evil, me LOLZ.
Jack Dorf (Friday 16 May 2008, 5:14 am) #

He should change his name to Dr Brenzene Nelson.
steve (Friday 16 May 2008, 5:34 am) #

It was so bad that I got too bored to watch the reply speech to the end. I am sure that any high school student could make a better attempt at a reply to a speech than that. It looks like a long time in opposition for the Libs and a short time on opposition leader’s wages for the Doctor.
Jeremy (Friday 16 May 2008, 8:17 am) #

Best post on the subject I’ve seen, Ed. Nicely done.
cosmicjester (Friday 16 May 2008, 10:52 am) #

i liked how he ripped into Rudd for having summits instead of making decisions, and then his big idea for binge drinking was to hold a summit
John Surname (Friday 16 May 2008, 10:54 am) #

I tried to play the drinking game but I passed out halfway through the introduction.
flagg (Friday 16 May 2008, 11:54 am) #

You know what, honest to God, after reading this blog for a bit over half a year now, I found I was able to predict what Bren-doc would say before he said it. Eg: the opening statements when he started saying what Labor said in the last election, “They said that…” I turned to my housemate and said real quickbitch: “petrol, groceries, interest rates”. And sure enough… Later on when he started up about the horrors of binge drinking, I turned to him and said, “did you know he used to be a doctor?” just before he said “I spent much of my medical life…” Housemate thought I was amazing!

So thanks GrodsCorp! You guys and the most catastrophically fucking boring Liberal leader in the history of Australia are both helping to make me look like Nostradamus here.