GrodsCorp

Possum 1, Weimar Rogenous 0

Wednesday 4 June 2008, 7:21 pm

Ant Rogenous

Categories: Dogs

Tags: attack, GayNaziLeftistPorn, LipPiercing, possum, WeimarRogenous

The other night, I let my dog out for a wee before bedtime. This is nothing unusual.

As soon as I’d opened the door, he raced down to the back fence. This isn’t unusual either, as there are possums on the fence every night and he can’t even begin to think about lifting a leg until he’s chased these voyeuristic marsupials away.

For a dog that sniffs young girls’ arses in parks, he’s surprisingly modest.

Anyway, what was unusual was the sound he began making after he’d run behind the shed in pursuit of one of these creatures. It was a cross between a bark, a yelp, a howl, an ambulance siren running on a fast-dying battery, and the gurgling shriek of outrage you’d hear from MK if his mummy ever found and destroyed his stash of limited-edition gay Nazi leftist porn.

I ran down to the corner of the yard and saw my dog staggering backwards, still making that horrible noise, dragging in front of him the most outrageous lip piercing I’ve ever seen: a fully grown and particularly pissed-off brush-tailed possum.

He couldn’t shake his head to force the to possum let go because it had a claw hooked right through his fleshy, dangly Weimaraner lip, which was clearly causing him a lot of pain. And the possum obviously had no intention of letting go until this brute stopped making that hellish racket.

There was only one thing I could do: I ~~booted~~ humanely encouraged the possum away from my dog, after which the possum ~~skidded along the grass for a bit~~ thanked me kindly and made his way up the nearest tree.

You’d think Weimar Rogenous would have a) learned his lesson, or b) been grateful for my intervention. Or maybe even both. Instead, he stood under the tree barking up at his attacker — fairly begging for another shot at it — until E came down from the house and dragged him inside so we could examine his wounds and put Betadine on them.

My face, my beautiful face!

Dogs. Who’d have them?

18 Comments

The Editor (Wednesday 4 June 2008, 7:35 pm) #

Be honest, Ant. You removed from the bookshelf in the background your Harry Snotter novels and carefully placed some books more suited to your preferred “intelligent wordsmith” image, didn’t you?
Damian (Wednesday 4 June 2008, 7:44 pm) #

Tee hee. Silly Weimar.
magic bellybutton (Wednesday 4 June 2008, 8:19 pm) #

I love Weimaranders. They are teh cute.

Poor Weimar.
Ant Rogenous (Wednesday 4 June 2008, 8:36 pm) #

Ed, that’s exactly what I’d expect a Squib to say.
The Editor (Wednesday 4 June 2008, 8:46 pm) #

Stick it up your goathole, Ant.
Bron (Wednesday 4 June 2008, 9:41 pm) #

God, hasn’t he got a long snout!
Chuck A. Spear (Wednesday 4 June 2008, 10:55 pm) #

“He ain’t got time to bleed.”
Andy B (Wednesday 4 June 2008, 11:37 pm) #

Heh, dogs are a fantastic source of entertainment. We should get that possum signed and start a tour or something.
EC (Thursday 5 June 2008, 5:53 am) #

Oh poor pup!

A few years ago our kelpie got mobbed and pecked by about a dozen angry Noisy Miner birds. He’d been barking under their tree for months and it was like the birds decided enough was enough.

For the next two weeks he did this hilarious checking the skies thing from the back door with this uncertain look on his face before he ventured out for a wee.
Dave from Albury (Thursday 5 June 2008, 8:05 am) #

Our foundling dog Snert had a passion for danger when he was younger, the vet nurses knew him quite well. His worst escapade was getting into my fishing tackle box and hooking his top and bottom lips with the treble hook on a lure. On the up side, he doesn’t sneak into the shed anymore.
ezekiel (Thursday 5 June 2008, 12:33 pm) #

Great work Rogenous, but if only you had the presence of mind to take the picture before you sweet-talked the possum. And can you assure us that no animals were killed and dumped in the neighbour’s bin in the making of this post?
Hot Secretary (Thursday 5 June 2008, 12:55 pm) #

And can you assure us that no animals were killed and dumped in the neighbour’s bin in the making of this post?

Thank you for your comment. Mr Rogenous is currently out of the office on suspiciously convenient unexpected business. Please direct any queries you might have about mistreatment of indigenous fauna to his lawyer, Leon Bertrand QC.
Krypto (Thursday 5 June 2008, 12:57 pm) #

oh that’s not too bad a gash, it’ll heal within a week I bet, nothing even worth stitching.

You know Weimeraners were bred as hunting dogs right?
They are called “the grey ghost” because of their tendency to stalk and hunt prey so it’s hardly a surprise it would go after a possum.

That’s a handsome looking animal and looks in great condition, his coat positively glows.
The Editor (Thursday 5 June 2008, 12:57 pm) #

Leon Bertrand QC? I think I may have read his articles. However, I’ve definitely had dealings with his assistant: one Mr Howard Roarke.
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 5 June 2008, 1:06 pm) #

Krypto, they were bred for hunting (and retrieving), but they’re pointers. He’s totally out of his depth when he tries to catch something — including my cat, which weighs about 2kg and couldn’t scratch a lottery ticket.

And thanks — he is indeed a fit, handsome beast!
Bron (Thursday 5 June 2008, 1:16 pm) #

But he has red eyes, your dog, Ant. Evil.
Ant Rogenous (Thursday 5 June 2008, 1:42 pm) #

I photoshopped his horns out, but I didn’t have the patience to work on his eyes.
Krypto (Thursday 5 June 2008, 5:17 pm) #

Ant, I had a Dobermann, like one of the toughest dogs ever bred, I saw him snatch flies out of mid-air with his jaws and he would chomp bones roughly equivalent to a human femur clean in half with a single bite.

Anyway, he took off after this cat one night (I used to take him to the park at night because I got so utterly fed up with precious parents and nervous dog owners) and he bailed this cat up.

I thought “oh no, that’s one less cat” but no, he bailed it up and then had no idea what to do with the damn thing.
He barked at it for a while and then left it alone.

My point is that most creatuers are far too smart to wind up on a dog’s menu and even if they can’t get out of the way it’s probably 90% bullshit bravado on your dog’s part and maybe 10% genuine desire to kill.

That said I once new a jet black Dane named Storm (he turned up after the ‘98 floods in Katherine) who used to chase down, kill and eat kangaroos.
Saw him do it once too, took down a straggler from the mob, clean break to the neck.
He ate teh bloody lot too, skin, bones, meat…one of the healthiest dogs I ever saw in my life and a real insight into cannis familiaris as a hunter.