grodscorp@grods.comAnimal love
 | Posted by Bron on Tuesday 17 June 2008, 8:38 pm Categories: Society, Sydney Tags: HydePark, InjuredAnimals, love, screwing, sex, StoopidHoomans, WelcomeToSydney |
So there I am, rushing through Hyde Park after work to the train station this evening, when I suddenly stop, ears alert, eyes darting back and forth and scanning the dark bushes beside me. There had been a groan. I know it. I heard it. It sounded like an animal in pain. Oh no! I hate hurting animals, being the bleeding heart, tree-hugging lefty that I am.
Gingerly, I push past through the bush, breathing heavily now because I suddenly realise that I am being really stupid because I have no idea what to expect and what if the animal jumps at me ’cause it’s hurt and frightened and there’s no time for me to pull out my phone to call for help and what if my face is shredded apart by said unknown animal and why is it so dark in this part of Hyde Park goddammit?
Peering behind the big old fig tree, I soon find out. It wasn’t an animal. It was two animals. They weren’t in pain. They were screwing each other. Doggy style. They were, in fact, humans. Two well-dressed, business looking idiots who obviously decided they could not wait any longer. Or perhaps it was a fetish and it was something that got them off. I don’t know how else to explain it. But you know… whatever floats their boat. Or gets them off, if they don’t have a boat.
The woman looks up, startled, and I see my startled reflection in her face. The man looks up, barely comprehending that there was now a third party, a ménage à trois of sorts, if you like. I think he was at the end of his own version of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture. You know, the climatic volley of cannon fire and chiming bells. If you get my drift.
“Oh!Iamsosorrypleasedocarryondon’tletmeinterruptyousorrysorrysorry!” I dribble in a hurry as I stumble backwards, out of the bushes. And fled. Fled to the train station, trying my hardest not to laugh, past the Federal Court, past NSW Parliament House, past the State Library, before heading down Martin Place to catch the train.
Eventually, I get home and the first thing I do? Blog it. Dear readers, should you ever take a walk through Sydney’s Hyde Park, stop for NOTHING.
Unless, of course, your particular fetish is voyeurism. In which case, welcome to Sydney.
GrodsThink Ep.31 (16/9/08)
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 8:47 pm #Wah
Was she hot?
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 8:56 pm #brokenleftleg
Ha Ha,
That teaches you for being a bleeding heart lefty.
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 8:58 pm #@ndy
Sydney. City of Lurve.
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 9:15 pm #Bron
Wah, I’m sure you’d agree that any woman who fucks behind a tree in a city full of people is hot.
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 9:51 pm #kranky
Now you know not to look next time!!!!!!
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 9:52 pm #Wah
The amazing thing is not that you were in Hyde Park Sydney and caught a couple fucking dog style, but that it was a hetrosexual couple you caught fucking dogstyle!
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 10:08 pm #Bron
Yes, Kranky, I have learnt my lesson well. However, since it was so, well, HOTTTTTT! I don’t know how I will be able to refuse peeking in future.
And I just realised, I never did distinguish who made the moaning sound that got me into this rendezvous in the first place.
Anyway, admit it, you’d look too, wouldn’t you?! Not necessarily behind a tree, but anywhere? EH? GO ON ADMIT IT!
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 10:11 pm #Bron
Oh, Wah, there was this one time… No, this is a homophobic family blog. I must not relate the story, I’m afraid.
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 10:12 pm #thr
I’ve had a few run-ins with people who couldn’t wait to get home to er, discuss country matters. One in St Kilda, one in the Botanical gardens, and one in charming Epping. We3 need a police squad equipped with a high-powered hose to stamp out this scourge.
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 10:15 pm #Mikey
Funny it was a fig tree.
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 10:16 pm #Mikey
I once did it in the open drain by the side of a country scout hall.
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 10:27 pm #Mikey
Maybe that nice girl needed a Doctor to check her out after such a vigorous woodsy workout.
Now that’s alliteration.
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 10:31 pm #LuLi
Theres only one thing you can do now.. go back there next week at the same time and place. You could start asking people who walk past if they want to see a show and get a bit of money out of it.
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 10:53 pm #Bron
Wow, Mikey, that’s some shit-eating grin from the good Doc.
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 10:55 pm #Ant Rogenous
Do people who root in parks play frisbee in bed?
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 10:57 pm #Ray Dixon
Great story Bron. I just wish you’d said, “are you alright?”
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 10:58 pm #Ant Rogenous
Or: “I don’t wish to alarm you, ma’am, but there appears to be a businessman inside you.”
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 11:06 pm #Ray Dixon
Remember these lines for next time Bron.
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 11:11 pm #Bron
LuLi, you bet your sweet bippy I’ll be going there EVERY evening from now on.
“Roll up! Roll up!” I’ll cry to the startled rushing commuters, dodging me thinking I had just stumbled down from Kings Cross after getting a shot of crap too much to handle. “GET A LOAD OF THIS! DOGGY STYLE! DOGGY STYLE! SEE THE FREAKS BANG-A-BANG-BANG, banging away happily. Pay per view… Hey you, mister, get back there! In the queue please. Oh, hai! It’s Ant Rogenous! Come to the front of the queue, since you’re one of the elitist latte-sipping lefty Grodsters, but don’t push in, OK? OK.”
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 11:27 pm #Bron
I’ve burned them into memory, Ray.
I just knew she was OK, though. She was into it as much as he was.
Trust me. I’m a woman. *nervous cough indicating I’ve revealed too much maybe*
(I might also have, for the purposes of entertainment to my loyal MILLIONS of readers, exaggerated a little, I did actually look at her concerned-like, and whisper quicky, “OK?” She nodded and gave me a huge grin. That’s when I fumbled about and backed the hell out of there. Now you’ve wrecked my otherwise accurate story!)
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 11:33 pm #Ray Dixon
I did actually look at her concerned-like, and whisper quicky, “OK?” She nodded and gave me a huge grin
I think you meant to write “Quicky? OK?”, Bron
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 11:36 pm #Bron
Sheeeeeeesh. I’d edit that, but you’ve now gone and quoted it. Dammit, Ray!
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 11:38 pm #Ray Dixon
It reads better as “quicky” anyway Bron. I guess that’s what it was.
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 11:44 pm #magic bellybutton
The amazing thing is not that you were in Hyde Park Sydney and caught a couple fucking dog style, but that it was a hetrosexual couple you caught fucking dogstyle!
Shame it wasn’t two guys. Way more … enticing.
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 11:44 pm #Bron
Ray, true. Can’t argue with that. Who am I to turn a waterhose on some HOT LURVIN’ IN THE BUSHES* anyway.
*Please, don’t make jokes about ‘bushes’. I GEDDIT, awright!
Tuesday 17 June 2008, 11:53 pm #Bron
Shame it wasn’t two guys. Way more … enticing.
Ahem. Yeah, like I said to Wah, or WAS going to say to Wah, there was this one time when I was wandering about in Darlinghurst… Oh never mind. Another blog.
Wednesday 18 June 2008, 3:27 am #EC
Good for them! More random rooting in the Sydney CBD!
Wednesday 18 June 2008, 8:23 am #The Editor
I would’ve critiqued their action, tennis coach style.
“Make sure you follow through on your stroke there, mate.”
Wednesday 18 June 2008, 1:36 pm #Jack Dorf
Photos?
Wednesday 18 June 2008, 1:46 pm #Bron
Tragically, no. I did think about it though, fleetingly.
Wednesday 18 June 2008, 1:47 pm #Krypto
see, THIS is why I won’t go to Sydney…EVER!!
Wednesday 18 June 2008, 1:48 pm #Bron
Why’s that, Krypto?
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE MISSING OUT ON!!!
Wednesday 18 June 2008, 2:58 pm #Krypto
yep, step over the overdosing heroin addicts and the people rooting in the street like animals to get to the monorail which goes nowhere.
Great.
Sydney is like one big rude bastard’s convention I reckon.
Wednesday 18 June 2008, 3:41 pm #Jack Dorf
Tragically, no. I did think about it though, fleetingly.
Probably a good thing too. Wouldn’t want those happy snaps turning up this quality TV program
Wednesday 18 June 2008, 3:42 pm #Jack Dorf
who stole my ‘on’?
Wednesday 18 June 2008, 3:52 pm #Bron
I love that show!!! Sad, I know.
Wednesday 18 June 2008, 5:01 pm #spuddgunner
‘I did actually look at her concerned-like, and whisper quicky, “OK?” She nodded and gave me a huge grin.’
bron, I think that’s really cool that you asked that she was ok- most people would have just run away after the shock, but it is a credit to you that you cared…goodonya.
Wednesday 18 June 2008, 6:23 pm #Bron
Thanks spudgunner. Admittedly, my first reaction was to just apologise and get the hell out of there, but at the same time the uncomfortable thought that she was being assaulted flashed in my mind, and although it happened all so fast, I think I asked “OK?” when I had already started backing out, and waffling all that other stuff at the same time. That is, the sequence of events, even the images that were initially so ingrained, are now all blurry.
I’m still in shock today. I still can’t believe they were doing that.