Alan Jones has announced he has cancer. Watch as the media trip over themselves to give him the biggest “WE LOVE YOU AND SUPPORT YOU” arse-kisses ever.

Just like they did with Delta Goodrem (The Daily Telegraph devoting a WHOLE FRONT PAGE to Delta, with the headlines screaming “WE LOVE YOU DELTA”, several pages and photos and her life story — and she wasn’t even dead).

Just like they did with Kylie (The Herald Sun devoting THIRTEEN PAGES complete with memory lane photos and her life story — and she wasn’t even dead).

 I first became aware of Alan Jones’ “special announcement” when the SMH website posted “breaking news”, something about Jones about to hold a midday press conference. And the SMH promised they would broadcast it on their website. “No need for that,” I silently told them, sending fervent telepathic thoughts. “It’s only Alan Jones, renowned shock-jock bigot.”

While cancer is not something I wish on people, and hope they recover from it, please please please give us a break when it comes to celebrities who have cancer! Wish them well, speedy recovery and move on. Capisce?

On the other hand, if it gives us a brief respite from hearing about BELINDA NEAL BELINDA NEAL BELINDA NEAL…