GrodsCorp

Gutless attack on Kate Ellis

Friday 8 August 2008, 1:26 pm

The Editor

Categories: Politics, Sport

Tags: KateEllis, PatFarmer

GrodsCorp has long been a fan of Youth and Sports Minister Kate Ellis, so we were this morning incensed to read a gutless attack on Ms Ellis by opposition sports spokesman Pat Farmer.

The (dis)honourable member for Macarthur has branded Our Kate an “L plate minister” and claims that her hosting a Commonwealth sports ministers’ meeting in Beijing is “just embarrassing.” He goes on to accuse Ellis and Labor of being bereft of policy ideas, while putting forward absolutely none of his own, before suggesting that Kate will be taking a whiteboard to the meeting in the place of policies.

Here is Pat Farmer’s party leader (sic) formulating infinitely more important policy than sport last week.

In the party room… some backbenchers were angry that no written policy was presented to the meeting — which then proceeded to draft one. Mr Hunt and Ms Bishop wrote on a whiteboard as Dr Nelson dictated.

But let’s go back to Pat’s claims that Kate Ellis is an “L plate minister” and an embarrassment. I simply have two points to make.

1) Pat Farmer has only been in Parliament for three years longer than Kate Ellis. He has held no higher position than Parliamentary Secretary.

2) Here is Pat’s official MySpace profile picture.

What. A. Wanker.

‘Nuff said.

22 Comments

Steve D (Friday 8 August 2008, 1:33 pm) #

Did you catch Ellis on Good News Week on Monday? She managed to crack a few jokes (”I stopped karaoke the same weekend our binge drinking guidelines came out”), as well as seeming keen to jelly wrestle with Liz Ellis.

She’s won my vote.
LuLi (Friday 8 August 2008, 1:42 pm) #

lol, I thought you were joking about the Myspace pic. Sadly, you weren’t =/
Dave from Albury (Friday 8 August 2008, 1:43 pm) #

Pat Farmer had an enormous amount of goodwill after his ultra-marathon efforts and the death of his wife which helped him to hold the Mr Nice Guy title for the Libs. Since being elected he’s done bugger all and just been happy to float along on he currents of incumbency.

He’s just a poor man’s Cliffy Young.
John Surname (Friday 8 August 2008, 1:57 pm) #

I am appalled, and I want to fight him.
Bron (Friday 8 August 2008, 2:17 pm) #

Hold on, he has a MySpace profile/account?!

Talk about being behind the times. Doesn’t he know Facebook is where all the cool kids are today?
Zombie Mao (Friday 8 August 2008, 2:29 pm) #

I am appalled, and I want to jelly wrestle Kate.
Bridgit Gread (Friday 8 August 2008, 4:44 pm) #

Pat Farmer is a political nobody. I once had the misfortune to hear him give a short speech about his role as an MP and a parliamentary secretary. It was bumbling, boring, inarticulate and senseless, much like a fish-and-chip shop owner in downtown Ararat speaking at a local council meeting. Right up there with Jason ‘Orgasms’ Wood but without the funny bits.

Kate Ellis has nothing to worry about if Farmer’s her competition.
Bridgit Gread (Friday 8 August 2008, 4:55 pm) #

Also spotted on Pat’s try-hard Myspace:

Books
I have only written one

They meant what do you like to READ, tosser.
Pat Farmer (Friday 8 August 2008, 5:32 pm) #

Grodscorp’s positions are completely disgusting — so much so, that if there are any children or sensitive people reading this letter, I suggest that they stop now and not read what I am about to describe. Wait! Before you dismiss me as lousy, hear me out.

Grodscorp has repeatedly been spotted destroying our moral fiber. When questioned about that, it either denies any knowledge of it or offers unbelievable and ludicrous explanations that only an impudent popinjay could believe. Grodscorp has written more than its fair share of lengthy, over-worded, pseudo-intellectual tripe. In all such instances it conveniently overlooks the fact that I’m willing to accept that its views are antiquated, misguided, and bookish. I’m even willing to accept that it has graduated from occasionally exempting itself from the few principles it has to betraying them altogether. But it is doing everything in its power to make me lose my cultural moorings and become a rootless drifter in a cosmopolitan chaos. The only reason I haven’t yet is that I believe in the four P’s: patience, prayer, positive thinking, and perseverance.

I can reword my point as follows. The encroachment of blathering, raffish plans for the future into the social fabric of our politics, our institutions, and our laws would give credence to my claim that Grodscorp’s representatives are capable of little else but hating and lying, even to each other. Consider the issue of cuckoo, ill-bred alcoholism. Everyone agrees that it is time now for the polite chatter at fashionable dinners and cocktail parties to give way to hardheaded talk and plans to discuss, openly and candidly, a vision for a harmonious, multiracial society, but there are still some imprudent gasbags out there who doubt that one difference between Grodscorp’s legatees and other dark forces of anarchy and hatred is that the former intend to bowdlerize all unfavorable descriptions of Grodscorp’s fulminations. To them I say: Grodscorp is not interested in what is true and what is false or in what is good and what is evil. In fact, those distinctions have no meaning to it whatsoever. The only thing that has any meaning to Grodscorp is McCarthyism. Why? Personally, I don’t believe the answer has anything to do with academicism. Rather, I believe it involves Grodscorp’s tendency to arrest and detain its enemies indefinitely without charge, without trial, and without access to legal counsel.

Materialism is not merely an attack on our moral fiber. It is also a politically motivated attack on knowledge. What is often overlooked, however, is that on several occasions I have heard Grodscorp state that the Queen of England heads up the international drug cartel. I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a comment. What I consider far more important though is that Grodscorp’s peons warrant that black is white and night is day. I say to them, “Prove it” — not that they’ll be able to, of course, but because Grodscorp plans to break down our communities. What can you do about that? Start by reading about how in my effort to uncover Grodscorp’s hidden prejudices, I will need to pursue virtue and knowledge. Become informed about the deceit, lies, and propanganda surrounding its promotion of antipluralism. Tell everyone you know that Grodscorp’s cause is not glorious. It is not wonderful. It is not good.

It should come as no shock to anyone that Grodscorp has a glib proficiency with words and very sensitive nostrils. It can smell money in your pocket from a block away. Once that delicious aroma reaches Grodscorp’s nostrils, it’ll start talking about the joy of Comstockism and how it is voluble to question its slurs. As you listen to Grodscorp’s sing-song, chances are you won’t even notice its hand as it goes into your pocket. Only later, after you realize you’ve been robbed, will you truly understand that its argument that scornful present-day robber barons are easily housebroken is hopelessly flawed and utterly circuitous. It is high time for someone to show you, as dispassionately as possible, what kind of predatory thoughts Grodscorp is thinking about these days. Will that someone be you?
Ant Rogenous (Friday 8 August 2008, 7:04 pm) #

Ah, Pakin’s complaint generator strikes again! Brilliant, isn’t it?
Pat Farmer (Friday 8 August 2008, 7:42 pm) #

Absolute rot Ant, this is Pat Farmer. MP.
John Surname (Friday 8 August 2008, 7:53 pm) #

Maybe you should edit your URL entry?
Mikey (Friday 8 August 2008, 7:54 pm) #

I also want to fight him for slagging off Kate. Let’s form a queue of violence like in Flying High
Pat Farmer (Friday 8 August 2008, 8:04 pm) #

There are many problems with Mr. John Surname’s tirades. The one that’s the most blatant, and the one that I will limit my discussion to, is related to his overt support of emotionalism. Before I begin, let me point out that Mr. Surname’s morally crippled stratagems put a merciless spin on important issues. News of this deviousness must spread like wildfire if we are ever to expose injustice and puncture prejudice. Mr. Surname talks loudly about family values and personal responsibility but when it comes to backing up those words with actions, all he does is make us less united, less moral, less sensitive, less engaged, and more perversely deranged. If you want a better opportunity to get a job, raise a family in a safe neighborhood, have a better chance at a good education, and lower the taxes on the money you earn, then I ask that you help me take steps toward creating an inclusive society free of attitudinal barriers.

When I first encountered Mr. Surname’s pranks, all I could think of was, “Mr. Surname is a small part of a large movement that seeks to push all of us to the brink of insanity.” If five years ago I had described a person like Mr. Surname to you and told you that in five years he’d make his demands a key dynamic in modern jujuism by viscerally defining “pseudointernationalistic” through the experience of disloyal hedonism, you’d have thought me beer-guzzling. You’d have laughed at me and told me it couldn’t happen. So it is useful now to note that, first, it has happened and, second, to try to understand how it happened and how by allowing him to hammer a few more nails into the coffin of freedom we are selling our souls for dross. Instead, we should be striving to convince the government to clamp down hard on his op-ed pieces. Please remember that he claims that he is a refined gentleman with the soundest education and morals you can imagine. I would say that that claim is 70% folderol, 20% twaddle, and 10% another cold-blooded attempt to scapegoat easy, unpopular targets, thereby diverting responsibility from more culpable parties. Now that you’ve read this letter, let me challenge you, the reader, not just to help me promote peace, prosperity, and quality of life, both here and abroad, but also to educate others about what I’ve written.
John Surname (Friday 8 August 2008, 8:16 pm) #

It’s true. It’s all true, all the pieces fit!
Bridgit Gread (Friday 8 August 2008, 9:52 pm) #

Either that’s not Pat Farmer or he’s discovered the wonder and stilted majesty of polysyllabic words.
Pat Farmer (Saturday 9 August 2008, 9:35 am) #

I don’t know how to tell you this, but I don’t have a high opinion of gloomy dissemblers. First and foremost, it’s a pity that two thousand years after Christ, the voices of unconscionable succubi like Ms. Bridgit Gread can still be heard, worse still that they’re listened to, and worst of all that anyone believes them. Of course, her expositions represent a backward step of hundreds of years, a backward step into a chasm with no bottom save the endless darkness of death. If there is one truth in this world, it’s that Gread’s adherents get a thrill out of protesting. They have no idea what causes they’re fighting for or against. For them, going down to the local protest, carrying a sign, hanging out with Gread, and meeting some other disgraceful, hotheaded conspiracy theorists is merely a social event. They’re not even aware that Gread recently stated that her faith in favoritism gives her an uncanny ability to detect astral energy and cosmic vibrations. She said that with a straight face, without even cracking a smile or suppressing a giggle. She said it as if she meant it. That’s scary because wherever you look, you’ll see her enforcing intolerance in the name of tolerance. You’ll see her suppressing freedom in the name of freedom. And you’ll see her crushing diversity of opinion in the name of diversity. Finally, whatever your thoughts or feelings about Ms. Bridgit Gread are, I urge you to help me turn her testy, deranged morals to our advantage.
keri (Saturday 9 August 2008, 11:12 am) #

“Mr. Surname is a small part of a large movement that seeks to push all of us to the brink of insanity.”

Truer words were never spoken.
John Surname (Saturday 9 August 2008, 11:26 am) #

That’s going straight to my sidebar.
Bridgit Gread (Saturday 9 August 2008, 1:52 pm) #

Like the proverbial thousand monkeys, even Pakin’s generator strikes gold.
cosmicjester (Sunday 10 August 2008, 1:55 pm) #

“while putting forward absolutely none of his own ”

but pat farmer and the libs policies are winners, at the start of the year he was saying cyclists should pay rego like motorists, thats awesome. Im sick of my 6 year old nephew riding on the foot path for free, tax the bugger.

and last week the libs shadow sports minister suggested we should take funding out of community sporting centres so we can follow john coates suggestion and pay our olympians six figure salaries on the public purse

http://liberal.org.au/news.php?Id=1342

im sure groupthink fc will have no problem with their soccer field being shut down to give stephanie rice here coke money without needing to strip off for the lads mags
John Surname (Sunday 10 August 2008, 7:43 pm) #

“[I]m sure [G]roup[T]hink [FC] will have no problem with their soccer field being shut down to give [S]tephanie [R]ice here (sic) [C]oke money[,] without needing to strip off for the lads mags[.]”

Actually, GroupThink FC being unable to play would be a boon to the community.

I for one hope that Ms. Rice continues to strip off long after she’s a multi-millionaire.