A battle of epically mediocre proportions is looming at the Action Indoor Sports Stadium, with GroupThinkFC taking on fellow bottom-of-the-table-dweller Target Practice on Friday night in the ultimate quest for glory some semblance of dignity.

Neither of us has won a match this season (Target Practice’s “win” being the result of a now-defunct team’s forfeit).

GroupThinkFC has conceded two more goals than Target Practice but has also scored two more, which puts the aggregate slightly in our favour when the ratio of goals conceded to goals scored is taken into account.

TehPeople’sFootballClub is coming off a gallant 5-9 loss to the top-of-the-table Kectus last week, while Target Practice also found the back of the net five times in a slightly wider losing margin (5-11) to third-place Hennessy FC.

Both sides have clearly been salivating over this match for weeks — perhaps more profusely than all the other teams salivate over the prospect of playing either of us.

Let there be no doubt: if this were a prizefight, Don King himself would pull out all the stops to promote it.*

So I’m taking bets on the result in comments: correct result and closest to the score will win a prize so awesome in its awesomeness that they’ll be shocked into a seemingly underwhelmed stupor.

NB: An injury cloud hangs over The Editor, who dislocated his big toe during last week’s match. His absence on Friday night would be certain to have an impact on the result, but I’ll leave it up to you to decide what that impact might be.**