In a major boost to Barack Obama’s quest for the White House, a global survey has revealed that Australians will overwhelmingly vote Democrat at the November 4 presidential election. 76% of Aussie respondents indicated support for Senator Obama, with only 10% in the camp of Republican candidate, John McCain. (It is a mystery for whom the other 14% will vote. David Koch perhaps?) The problem is, of course, that Australians won’t be voting for the United States Prez in a couple of weeks because we’re, you know, Australian. So why is it that the same survey reckons 85% of Australians are paying attention to another country’s election campaign five months out (at the time of the survey), when 85% of Australians barely think about their own country’s elections until polling day?

There are all sorts of obvious reasons why we are so engaged in the USA’s political process: the similarity of our cultures, our historical ties, the dominance of US media content in this country. The whole concept of POTUS, and its powerful imagery, has been pounded into our brains by a lifetime of episodes of West Wing and 24, and countless classic films like Kevin Kline’s Dave. We get the American president and we feel like we have a stake in the symbolism of the position. But even so, Australians’ engagement with this year’s US election is probably more intense than at any time in the past.

There are unique factors at play in this campaign that have increased the interest of non-Americans from around the globe. Obama is a young black man with an Islamic middle name, Hillary Clinton is a woman who got within bee’s dick of nomination, John McCain brings hope to nursing home residents everywhere by walking without the aid of a Zimmer frame, and then there’s the utterly captivating phenomenon that is Sarah Palin. Oh, and then there’s the small matter of the intense, intense dislike — nay — hatred of George W. Bush and all that he stands for. Just as Australians collectively decided in November last year that it was time for ABH (Anyone But Howard), the world has firmly decided that it’s time for ABB, and its non-American citizens are watching America like a hawk with talons crossed that Barack Obama banishes the GOP from the White House.

However, it’s hard not to feel sympathy for Americans who are undoubtedly feeling a little pressured by (overwhelmingly pro-Obama) world opinion. While it’s true that the United States President makes decisions that affect the entire world, the voters of the United States are under no real obligation to give a fuck about what other countries want when electing their leaders. You’ve got to wonder whether a US citizen who wandered into a Brunswick pub and overheard an Aussie ranting about how America had better not screw this up like they did in 2004, wouldn’t be justified in politely asking the ranter to mind their own business. Or just glassing them. But then again, isn’t a glassing worth it if it means you can take the piss out of John McCain’s thumbs and the millions of Sarah Palin’s gems, such as her irony-free declaration that she’s not anti-homosexual because some of her best friends are gay? These comedy nuggets, along with the grandiosity of the campaign in general, make US election-watching utterly compelling.

In contrast, Australian political campaigns are just so boring, filled as they are with dry and lifeless argy-bargy about the stuff that only political wonks care about. (At least we had Latham in ‘04. Come back, Mark! All is forgiven.) Would Australians be chewing through buckets of YouTube bandwidth, desperately consuming clips of Presidential race highlights, if those highlights consisted of nothing more interesting than Barack Obama walking through a suburban shopping centre (largely ignored by shoppers) in search of the most “middle American” coffee shop in which to procure a photo opportunity? What about Joe Biden making a monotone speech about “middle America” on a petrol station forecourt, surrounded by a handful of bored journos and a bemused mum in her Toyota Camry? What about John McCain visiting a nursing home, full of ex-”middle Americans”, to share a cup of tea with the residents and promise a $30 per week increase in their pension? (Actually, that McCain scenario would be hilarious because the nursing home staff would spear tackle him at the door as he tried to leave, assuming he was a resident attempting to escape.)

Conversely, can you imagine Kevin Rudd standing in front of 50,000 people in a sports stadium, making a stirring speech about his dreams and aspirations for Australia, causing every person in the audience and the millions watching on the telly to feel a tingling sense of national pride and hope for their country? Can you imagine John Howard visiting an army base, attracting tens of thousands of supporters, and bringing tears to the eyes of those assembled as he spoke of patriotism and sacrifice for an ideal? Can you imagine Steve Fielding being interviewed by a news program and looking dumbstruck when asked what newspapers he reads? “Well, just the Bible, Katie,” he’d say. “It’s got all the information in it that I’ll ever need.”

Having said that, perhaps it’s a bit naive to expect anything more from our battling leadership wannabes. Australia’s political system is fundamentally different from the USA’s, with Australian Prime Ministers and opposition leaders focused more heavily on policy than image. And despite the “image thing” getting more important each time a federal election comes around, Australian voters still overwhelmingly make up their mind based on the dollars promised in policies rather than the ideals represented by each man. (It’d be good to be able to say “man or woman” there, by the way, but it hasn’t happened yet.) And, quite frankly, if Rudd or Turnbull stood on a stage and attempted the kind of soaring and inspirational rhetoric that is the mainstay of Obama and McCain’s speeches, I’d Pro Hart my toilet bowl the way I used to when John Howard attempted it.

But by this time next month, barring problems with chads, Diebolds or Florida, it’s looking increasingly likely that Barack Obama will be the most powerful man in the world-elect, and by this time next year the world is unlikely to have changed very much at all. So enjoy the campaign circus while you can because it’s a long time until the 2010 spring blockbuster release of Rudd vs. Costello: Judgement Day.