Google, a short attention span and a mild hangover today led me to the website of ICMI Speakers and Entertainers. It appears that they make money by offering the services of “celebrity speakers” for nightmarish corporate awards ceremonies, Christmas parties etc.

Each speaker has a profile so you can get a brief run-down of why you would want them at your function!!!1! (”Richard Stubbs is well known as one of Australia’s finest stand-up comedians”; “Dave Stewart is one of the most respected and trusted people in the music industry today”).

Some also carry signed testimonials from those who have utilised their emcee-ing, joke-telling and motivating skillz.

“I would not hesitate in recommending Grubby and Dee Dee for any occasion and I will be hiring their services again in future. Cheryl and Robert Dipierdomenico (Former AFL star).”

“Excellent. Andrew was a fantastic host. A consummate professional. He was very well received by the crowd. Sydney Adventist Hospital.”

Needless to say, I’m not persuaded, but at least they’re reasonably specific comments.

Some are a little more loose. You remember former Australian Test Cricket coach John Buchanan. Great coach, fun guy, but how will he sound over the pavlova? Let’s find out.

“The guest speaker was the best we have had.”

A State Government Agency

Question: is this the most unconvincing endorsement of anything, ever?