We all know that Andrew Bolt is a savage critic of the Rudd government, but did we really think he’d go this far?

THE Federal Government plans to crack down on alcohol companies making a mockery of its alcopop tax by producing drinks that look and taste exactly like the ready-to-drink products, but are technically beer.

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But its efforts have been undermined by alcohol companies. Independent Distillers – producer of popular alcopop brands such as Vodka Cruiser and Pulse – recently launched a “malternative” called Bolt, boasting that it bypassed the alcopop tax. The product comes in blueberry, raspberry and passionfruit flavours and is up to $25 a carton cheaper than pre-mixed spirits. Last week, one retailer was selling two four-packs of Bolt for $16 – equivalent to $2 a drink.

There you go, boys. Just in case you felt slightly queer drinking Cruisers, you can now enjoy a Malternative lifestyle. Or, I don’t know, you could just drink beer!

I understand that the experience of drinking Bolt is similar to reading his column – a mild feeling of nausea, followed by a proper ralph in the gutter outside the TAB.

Update: Proving that he doesn’t just stop at malternatives – Andrew Bolt’s semi-autobiographical film Bolt has opened in the US. It tells the story of his rise from lowly cadet to uber-Opinionist. Critics expect it to make more money than An American Carol.