Grodsters, imagine this. Last year, one of our number – for argument’s sake, let’s call him Pedro – went for a promotion in his job and missed out. A successful and capable worker for many years, Pedro was understandably furious, so he spat the dummy and retreated into a dim, dark corner of the office, muttering about finding another job where his talents would be better appreciated. But to date, he’s still on the payroll.

Now it has emerged that Pedro has been pegging his employer big-style. Not only has he been doing three-quarters of seven-eights of SFA, Pedro has taken 13 sick days this year and pissed off to do work for another firm. He’s attended a few meetings but the only minuted accounts of him saying anything is when he whinges from the back of the room. In addition, he’s been bringing his laptop to work and pissing about writing a fantasy novel on the company’s time.

Meet Pedro. It’s now time for Pedro’s employers to tell him to fuck off.