1) John Howard is a dick

In typical John Howard fashion a camera was conveniently on hand during Australia’s win over Croatia to capture the spontaneous delight of our dinky-di sports-mad PM wearing his best green tracksuit. You know he’s the PM because he’s got the comfy chair and his mates have the dining table seats.

Looking at this photo, Ed was reminded of a great John Clarke and Bryan Dawe sketch the other night. An excerpt:

JOHN CLARKE: It was a great match. (Mobile phone rings and John Clarke answers) Just excuse me a minute, Bryan.

BRYAN DAWE: We’ve only got to draw this game to go through, don’t we?

JOHN CLARKE: Yes. (Talking on the mobile phone) Just a minute, Mr Howard, I’m just doing a live cross. Can I call you - just a minute. (Talking to Bryan) Sorry, Bryan.

BRYAN DAWE: Who is it?

JOHN CLARKE: It’s the Prime Minister - oh, yes, we’ve only got to draw this one. Actually, maybe I should take this, Bryan.

BRYAN DAWE: You should take the call.

JOHN CLARKE: Yes, certainly. Have you got a pencil? It’s soccer. Yes S-O-C-C-E-R. Yes, Croatia -

BRYAN DAWE: It’s in the former Yugoslavia!

JOHN CLARKE: You see, the idea is you’ve got to put that ball -

BRYAN DAWE: Into the net! Into the net!

JOHN CLARKE: Between the goal posts. In the net. You get one point. That’s a goal. That’s one. No, that’s good - one. No, one’s really good. You don’t convert it; you don’t get a conversion.

2) Channel Ten martyrs itself for the cause

Network Ten has blamed critics of the program for its decision to cut short its season of Big Brother - Adults Only.

Announcing the end of its season run, Ten today said it was confident Big Brother - Adults Only had complied with the Television Industry Code or Practice, and that the station had met undertakings on how it would produce the program.

“However, questions continue to be raised as to whether the show should be on air,” Ten said in a statement.

“We did not see that situation changing, regardless of how we treated the program, and that uncertainty was putting unfair pressure on our team.

“We have therefore decided the responsible and practical thing to do was conclude the show a few weeks early.”

Bullshit. As if the network would seriously bow to a dull chorus of Parliamentary disapproval that easily. The real reason is probably closer to a lack of saucy content and disappointing ratings. Nothing more than a convenient excuse.

3) jLo hurts for Oz
Over at her blog jLo describes the system she has used to ensure Australian success in every major sporting event of the last decade, and how the system worked for her in the Australia vs. Croatia match.

Most of you are familiar with the jLo Rules of Sport Spectatorship:

1. You have to barrack for where you come from; and
2. If things are going well, keep doing whatever you’re doing and vice versa.

These rules have generally served me well, and I make a point of observing them strictly. The second rule has led to some discomfort in the past - that Australian Open match where I had to watch through the window because every time I entered the room Rafter’s serve was broken, any number of Test matches where I wasn’t allowed to vacate the couch to visit the bathroom in case a wicket fell.

4) Yossarian’s identity stolen
Chasing up the recent identity theft incident, The Editor called St George Bank.
Ed: “I’d like you to tell me as much as you can about how a credit card was opened in my name.”
Customer Service Agent: “What’s your account password?”
Ed: “I don’t have one. I’m not, and have never been, a customer of St George Bank.”
CSA: “I’m afraid I can’t tell you any information about your account until you prove who you are.”
Ed: “You have no problem loaning $8000 to somebody who pretended to be me, but you won’t tell the real me any information about the account in my name.”
CSA: “What’s your account password?”
Ed: “Have you ever read any Joseph Heller?”
CSA: “Who?”

5) Aroused soldiers

Scientists have found a performance-enhancing drug that could be exploited by endurance athletes at high altitudes and soldiers in the mountains of Afghanistan: Viagra.

Last year the company won approval for Viagra, under the new name Revatio, to treat pulmonary hypertension, or high fluid pressure in the lungs.

Altitude researchers saw the potential of the drug because pulmonary hypertension is also an effect of exercise in oxygen-poor environments. As blood vessels constrict in the lungs, the heart has to work harder to pump blood through the body.

The latest study, conducted in a laboratory, measured the performance of 10 trained cyclists. It found that four of the cyclists had significant improvements in their times with a 50-milligram dose of Viagra but that a larger dose did not increase the benefit.

No answers provided in the article for the question we all want to ask.

6) “One-man blitzkrieg”
Is Prodos “out to wreck the [Liberal] Party at the polls out of, presumably pique, and to exact revenge for the savage, malicious treatment” he received during his preselection campaign?