grodscorp@grods.com
FIFA are close to conceding to German officials that they may have an epidemic on their hands
Scientist have confirmed that symptoms consist of:
* Feeling faint (especially near grass)
* Losing temporary feeling in the legs when physical contact is made
* Disturbing use of the arms, usually in the upward motion
* Many sufferers have been witnessed to even pray as they are struck by the illness
* Crying out, as if a limb has been amputated, is still to be confirmed
Many readers may have read my bitter attack on Ronaldo (not the fat one) and been shocked at my Craig Foster style analysis of the England vs. Portugal game, but after this announcement I may be forced to publicly apologise to the Moaning Mini. It now appears that he has contracted this disease. Ronaldo has been getting progressively worse over the last four weeks and evidence from the France game indicates that he should obviously be confined to bed as he spent most of the 90 minutes on the turf.
With this new information it appears that the Portuguese FA are going to lodge a formal appeal to ask for all their games to be replayed. It seems the entire team has been affected, with Postiga being the most serious case.
A source close to Scolari has said that he believes that other nations have been affected. Italy, Holland, Mexico and Japan are investigating. The latest causality appears to be Thierry Henry who, as he was falling in the penalty area early today, was seen smiling at the French bench mouthing the words I’ve got it.
Unofficial word suggests that Australia, while not showing the symptoms, may be a carrier of this temporary, but contagious, disease. This could go some way to explaining why Ned Zelic is unable to sit upright in a chair and has been absent from the SBS coverage team lately.
Thursday 13 July 2006, 9:12 pm #The Editor
I think I’ve had German flu this week, Bbob. Bloody disease-carrying little school kiddie shits.