So the Melbourne International Film Festival has concluded and normal broadcasting will resume on GrodsCorp. But the end of the festival marks the end of life in the real world for one freak who the Editor likes to call Bicycle Pump Man (BPM). BPM, to the best of the Editor's knowledge, attended every film session over twenty days at The Forum theatre. He was certainly there every time the Editor attended a film and was spotted twice from a passing tram. Also, The Editor and McBec are certain they have seen him at previous years' festivals. This scientific observation pattern clearly indicates constant attendance.

Let's make one thing clear. The Editor would love to take two weeks off life, buy a festival passport and go see as many films as possible. Unfortunately, this is not possible and nine films was all that Ed could manage to fit around other life commitments.

BPM obviously looks forward to MIFF every year and waits anxiously under his rock for it to start. When opening night approaches he dons his standard uniform: Long flowing grey hair and long grey beard, flannel shirt and jacket, jeans with too-short legs and scuffed shoes. He sports a large backpack that was observed to contain thermos of coffee, lunchboxes and books. But here's the thing: he's always carrying a bicycle pump in his hand. Always.

So the most obvious question is: does BPM ride a bicycle to the cinema or does he use the pump to inflate a little cushion? It turns out that he must ride a bicycle because one day BPM had those straps around the ends of his jeans that stop them getting caught in the chain. The second most obvious question is: why doesn't he put the bicycle pump in his backpack? There's plenty of room.

So BPM has now returned to the underside of the rock from which he came and is reflecting on the hundreds of films that he watched, bicycle pump in hand. He will spend the next 350 odd days cooking biscuits and brewing coffee for MIFF 2006. Get along next year to the Forum and say g'day.