FIFA are close to conceding to German officials that they may have an epidemic on their hands

Scientist have confirmed that symptoms consist of:
* Feeling faint (especially near grass)
* Losing temporary feeling in the legs when physical contact is made
* Disturbing use of the arms, usually in the upward motion
* Many sufferers have been witnessed to even pray as they are struck by the illness
* Crying out, as if a limb has been amputated, is still to be confirmed

Many readers may have read my bitter attack on Ronaldo (not the fat one) and been shocked at my Craig Foster style analysis of the England vs. Portugal game, but after this announcement I may be forced to publicly apologise to the Moaning Mini. It now appears that he has contracted this disease. Ronaldo has been getting progressively worse over the last four weeks and evidence from the France game indicates that he should obviously be confined to bed as he spent most of the 90 minutes on the turf.

With this new information it appears that the Portuguese FA are going to lodge a formal appeal to ask for all their games to be replayed. It seems the entire team has been affected, with Postiga being the most serious case.

A source close to Scolari has said that he believes that other nations have been affected. Italy, Holland, Mexico and Japan are investigating. The latest causality appears to be Thierry Henry who, as he was falling in the penalty area early today, was seen smiling at the French bench mouthing the words I’ve got it.

Unofficial word suggests that Australia, while not showing the symptoms, may be a carrier of this temporary, but contagious, disease. This could go some way to explaining why Ned Zelic is unable to sit upright in a chair and has been absent from the SBS coverage team lately.

Another dull England match took place in the early hours of Monday morning. I am a big supporter of England and the England squad and am 100% behind Sven’s tactics and team selection. Although I have been critical of them in the past and recognise that they are turning neutral fans of the beautiful game away from watching them, I refuse to get on the bagging bandwagon. Listening to the interviews with Gerrard, Beckham and Lampard after the game, they are well aware that they are playing below par, but are swift to point out that they are in the last eight of the World Cup. They are also getting considerable pressure from the British media, while most Australians are not happy with staying up to watch another pathetic game involving them.

My decision to get behind them vocally comes as I hear another woeful analysis from Craig “talc my hair, eyebrows and lips” Foster, the SBS Senior Big Tie Wearing Analyst. His display on the 7pm World Cup Show last night (26/6/06) was appalling and not what I suspect he gets paid for. He shook his head as if he couldn’t be bothered to discuss the match and then proceeded to randomly criticise England without providing any examples of their poor play. To be honest, he did no more analysis than a drunk would have done at closing time. If England’s performance was poor, Fozzie’s performance matched it completely. Bring back the two old geezers that can’t speak a lick of English or even the relaxed Ned Zelic, if he can be propped up long enough.

For all you Australians who have got on the Socceroos’ tails (apologies for the true Socceroo fans among you) football can be a dull, tactical and a slow game. Only Pele and the PR people call it the beautiful game. Yes, we would all like to see 22 Ronaldinhos on the pitch, but if you can say you’ve seen Millwall vs. Palace on a waterlogged pitch in the middle of February then you know that the game is not beautiful 99% of the time.

Results matter, not style. So bring on Portugal and get behind England the entertainers.

“They’re crossing the ball to their big, strong strikers… what do we do?” — John Terry to Sven at halftime during the England vs. Sweden game.

Well, what can I say about England topping the group? All they needed against the Swedes was a draw and boy did they get one… just.

Another poor performance, but this time not by the strikers. An excellent goal from J. Cole capped an impressive display by the Chelsea bench warmer. No, this result can rest firmly on the shoulders of the English defence. Rio and John were out-muscled by a very ordinary Swedish attack. They seemed to lack height or speed to control players that had not previously challenged Paraguay and T&T.

Yes, one could argue that the Swedes had urgency about them as they had to get something out of the game, but they showed exactly what was expected and played the very typical English style game, one that Rio and John should have dealt with comfortably. With most of the Swedish team plying their trade in the Premiership there should not have been any surprises. In fact, with Allback leading the line — a player that failed to make an impact in the Aston Villa first team — the defensive duo should have looked impenetrable, with clearing up set pieces being their bread and butter.

The decision to remove Ferdinand from the game (due to either injury or because of his below-par performance) was a good one, but one that saw Sol Campbell come on. Sol is a player that is much more dominant in the air than Rio but unfortunately his first task was to defend a corner and one that saw him lose his player in the box, costing England a goal.

Well, England have topped their group and in doing so avoid Germany in the next round. Hopefully someone can tell Sven that Ecuador play a quick-passing South American style game. This way there should be no surprises again. Lets hope that they don’t do anything crazy like attack, otherwise England could be home in time to see the quarter finals from the comfort of their local pub.

In other news, Holland U21 played very well against Argentina’s second 11 in their meaningless encounter. Holland proper will now face an on-fire Portugal side. This whets the appetite further for the world game. Argentina should have little trouble against an ordinary Mexico side.

England against two countries — how is that fair?

Finally, a performance that English fans can’t blame on the weather. A basically unchanged side faced the men from the Caribbean, most of whom ply their trade in England. Pre-kick off hype, of which there was very little, highlighted Dwight Yorke as a major threat and a draw against the Swedes meant that they weren’t the whipping boys of the group everyone thought they might be.

From the first whistle it was apparent how T&T had got their one point from the Sweden game. They defended narrow and deep, playing 11 men behind the ball. Paul Robinson (England’s number 1) had one scare, cleared off the line by Terry, but apart from that the game was completely played in T&T’s own half.

Gerrard was again the holding player in midfield, which allowed Lampard to get into the box more freely. He made intelligent runs and had some good chances. Owen and Crouch linked up a bit better than in the previous game. Lennon came on and actually looked capable of dripping past players and creating something. But it was the introduction of Rooney that will be the main talking point.

Wayne looked fresh and he didn’t shy away from any challenges, which would seem to indicate that he isn’t being rushed back, but that he is in fact fit. With him on the pitch for the out-of-form Owen and some tactical tinkering from Sven, England pushed, with some urgency, for a goal.

It came, I believe, because T&T were so concerned about Rooney and Lennon that they forgot that Beckham is the best crosser of the ball in the game. On the other end of it was perhaps the tallest man to have ever played for England. The Giraffe boy actually got off the ground and headed England ahead. This capped a good game for Crouch, who had early missed a few half chances. With seven minutes left T&T’s hearts were broken. Not because they were 1-0 down, but because Peter Crouch didn’t do the Robot – very disappointing.

Gerrard popped up for the second with a great strike from a central position just outside the box. The goal, only made possible by the new ball developments, should give the other players encouragement to have a crack next time.

Other thoughts from the last few sleepless nights:
* Brazil vs. Croatia was dull
* Spain looked the best for decades, but against a vodka’d-up Ukrainian side. What could they achieve?
* Sweden isn’t playing very well, but a draw against England should put them through to the next round
* Ecuador have impressed me so far with their two wins. It’ll be interesting to see if their speed and good football can cause an upset against the hosts

The Amy Commission let us all know on Saturday night about the new ball in use at the World Cup that is “more round”. For this comment she instantly copped a river of shit before backing up her statement with actual facts that she’d read somewhere. The legendary powers of this new mystical ball grew throughout the night as more beer was consumed and TAC has since alluded to them here. So, for the information of all truly spherical ball lovers, here is a great rundown about the new magic ball.

UPDATE 15 Jun: Two of the world’s top players on the telly talking about the new ball last night:

Zinidine Zidane — “When you kick [the ball] it goes in the right direction”
David Beckham — “[The changes] help the ball go in one direction… and it’s stylish”

Technology’s amazing, innit?

“It’s like he picked his best shirt and his favourite tie, unfortunately they don’t match” — The Editor talking about Ned Zelic’s choice of outfit on Saturday night.

There is only one thing that could make the City of Frankfurt look exciting and that was the disappointing England vs. Paraguay game that took place there on Saturday. I’m sorry to all my non-soccer fanatical friends who watched the game with me — even the supply of beer and pizza could not make it a pleasant experience.

England started promising enough, scoring within the first 5 minutes, a goal from the right foot of Beckham (via a deflection). However, as the game continued England looked to lose they shape and failed to create anything worth while for the next 80 minutes. This game will do little to stop the debate of whether Gerrard and Lampard can play in the same midfield together. With Lampard being the further forward of the two, Gerrard went missing in the second half as he was forced to defend when Paraguay grew in confidence and started to control a lot of the play. Lampard, on the other hand has a great ability to get into goal scoring opportunities, but is not a natural creator. With the giraffe man Crouch and the lacklustre Owen up front, Joe Cole looked to be the only one with any new ideas.

How nice it was then to wake up in the morning and watch the Argentina vs. Ivory Coast game. These were two teams eager to perform and get the all too important points in this Group of Death match. Ivory Coast played with heart, skill and pace. They out muscled Argentina, no mean feat, and created lots of great goal scoring opportunities. Unfortunately, Argentina had the World Cup experience and turned two half chances into a two nil lead. The other game in the group was a very tactical battle between Holland and Serbia & Montenegro. Holland played very defensively relying on Robben to create something. This he did with the help of Van Persie, to give them the lead. A lead that Serbia & Montenegro were reluctant to correct, failing to create anything like a half chance.

Of course this weekend was all about Australia’s fantastic result against Japan. They conceded what was arguably a goal against the run of play, and one that the referee should never have allowed. A decision that was as criminal as the shirt and tie combinations worn by the SBS analysis team.

For 70 odd minutes it looked like it was just not going to be the Socceroos’ day. The Japanese defence marked tight and the few shots that did sneak through were met with a resilient Kawaguchi. Then, with the introduction of Tim Cahill, Australia broke their World Cup duck. A second stunning goal from Cahill was met with such celebrations that you could be mistaken if you thought the final had been played and won. The third in 8 minutes was well deserved and capped a great win for the Aussies, who were rewarded for their hard work and for never giving up. They held and controlled the ball well throughout the game and reduced Japan, a good side, to a shadow of themselves. Japan, wearing blue, reminded me of Italy, the way they collapsed under the lightest of challenges. The Egyptian referee seemed to miss a few fouls and a few dodgy dives, but nothing should detract from a great Aussie performance.

Italy themselves, were very un-Italian like, not the theatrics (which were rife in their game against Ghana) but the amount of space that they allowed their opponents. If the Ghanans were a little bit more composed in front of goal and finished off some of their attacks, they would not have been on the wrong side of a two nil loss. The Italians seemed to be overwhelmed at Ghana’s pace and movement, which should be an indicator of how far Italy will go in this competition.

The first weekend has set up this week for even more enthralling encounters to come, such as Brazil vs. Croatia. And as we move into the second group matches one to watch is the Germany vs. Poland game. It’s not all about soccer.

“Is Australia in it?” — McBec during a conversation between Billybob and The Editor about the World Cup.

It’s that time again when the world actually stops turning, those magical four weeks, even four years, when being from a country that’s in it is all that matters. Of course, it’s been 30 odd years since Australia felt this anticipation, but in just a few days it all begins.

Australia is in a tough group with Japan, Croatia and of course the great Brazil. The first game is critical to Australia’s success. Without a win against Japan it’ll be really tough to go through to the knock out stage. A victory will lift a lot of the pressure and allow the Socceroos to play their own game against Brazil, rather than have to try and get something out of the game. Now, as long as that game is close, the Socceroos will have confidence going into the third game against Croatia.

Interestingly, Croatia will probably line up with a similar look to Australia –- three at the back, with a packed midfield. However they will undoubtedly play a counter-attacking style which could work well against the Aussies. Kranjcar, the coach’s son, seems to be the key man and most of Croatia’s play will start with him.

I don’t want to analyse all the groups to death, you can buy any of the dozen magazines or read any of the articles in the next few days if you want that sort of info. Below I’ve discussed a few points just as a taster to the next few weeks.

Are Brazil as good as everyone is saying?
With the ball at their feet they will certainly create a lot of goal-scoring opportunities, but in their midfield they don’t seem to have a ball winner, a person who sits in front of the back four and “breaks up” the other team’s attacks. Four years ago they had the dull Gilberto (who now does a similar role for Arsenal). Before that, when they won it in ’94, they had the German like Dunga. However they seem to have replaced this position with yet another creative player. They have also maintained their aging attacking full backs, Carlos and Cafu. This all equates to not much structure through the team. Superstars: yes; tactics and heart: no. A final point is that they will probably have to play and beat three European teams to win it. A tough call in Germany.

Who are the underdogs this time?
As more and more countries realise that it’s more important to get a good coach rather than a coach of the same nationality, the gap is closing between the old historic countries and the rest of the world. Every time you see the likes of Cameroon, Senegal, South Korea and even the US go through to the later stages, it boosts the world game. Pele tips an African country to win the World Cup soon, but just as long as they can complete on a match to match basis only the fans will benefit.

The team everyone thinks could be this years surprise package is the Ivory Coast. The big disadvantages for them is that everyone thinks they will be and that they are in the so-called “Group of Death” with Holland, Argentina and Serbia & Montenegro.
A few teams to watch that could get to the later stages and cause some upsets are USA, Sweden and Angola.

So who’ll win it then?
As much as Brazil is the team to beat, it’ll only take one team to do it. From then on it could be absolutely anyone’s. From a list of 12 real candidates, Holland seem to have done the biggest clean up of reasons why they couldn’t win it. They have dropped a lot of the superstars that use to play for themselves in favour of hardworking youngsters, They seem to have a good structure, strong defenders, all round midfielders and talented strikers. The team shows a nice balance between young blood and experience. With Van Basten at the helm, they have one of the most popular players from the 1990s. This great player had his own soccer career shortened by injury, so expect him to motivate the team for this once in a lifetime opportunity. Could Van Nistelrooy finish with the golden boot?

Football fans are idiots. Or, to rephrase that sentence using less incendiary language: when it comes to football, intelligent people act stupid. And yes, that probably includes you.

So begins a Guardian article outlining all the reasons why I'm a retard for liking football (the English kind, since I'm a pretend Australian.)

A lot of Sean's observations are quite true. Footy has changed, in my opinion, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. The problem I see is clubs have attempted to change the fan base from a male thug influence to a more family orientated crowd, but in doing so they have seen that the true money can be made by making it more attractive to companies and execs. This is fine if you realise that football is now a business, and that this has affected the game's atmosphere as a direct result. Another problem is that the big clubs have forgotten the families. They have done this by pricing families out. Imagine a family of 4 going to a Premiership game, you could be talking about 200 pounds +, without any food purchases, for 90 minutes of “action” on a fortnightly basis. That's quite disgusting.

The truth is that as much as the hooligan aspect was appalling, the 20+ year olds added a lot of the atmosphere. Plus the crowd numbers were bigger when everyone stood. Sean slagged off Sky for charging to see the games, but spending that money on Sky is the way forward, especially if you are seeing it with mates. A group of guys that would be the ones adding to the game's atmosphere now meet in the pub instead of going to the game, have beer and make an afternoon of it instead of paying 50 pounds each for cramped seats for just the 90 minutes of the game. And you can't go to the game earlier otherwise you have your knees in your chin for the hour before the game watching the groundsman make sure the blades are all the right colour for the TV monitors. Why do you think the pubs are all packed for a Saturday morning kick off? Why do you think the clubs are so against a Saturday 3 o'clock game being shown on Sky?

Sean's idea of ways to improve the situation were pipe dream stuff. Fan associations wouldn't work big scale. Can't justify that comment, I just think that they wouldn't. Money is what makes the world go round.

The point about how clubs have changed was so true. The example of Man City and Wright-Philips was spot on, even quite recent history has examples of this, remember Wimbledon and Fashanu, Tottenham and Lineker, even Arsenal and Alan Smith. Possibly coaching methods are better now. Teams no longer play to what players they have, the system is set up and they transfer in players with the skills required to fit.

I think the only way to fix the way football has gone is to have a Europe-wide wage restriction (or Salary Cap) imposed at the top level. Then I think you would see clubs like Chelsea spend less on squad players like Joe Cole and Wright-Philips that would then be big key players at other clubs, playing every week, improving and benefiting the English side. I have been following American Football for over 10 years now and please indulge me in exemplifying what would have happened to Wright-Philip's career if he was an American Footballer.

* 21 years old. Breaks into the Man City first team. Earns $10,000 pw
* 23 years old. Breaks in England Side after a successful season. Signs new contract $40,000 pw
* 25 years old. Regular key player for Man City. Demands more money from Man City.
* Man City reduce their squad's wage in order to sign W-P to big contract
* W-P signs $80,000 pw in a 3 year deal
* 27 years old. Dominant player in matches. England star. Man City attempt to trade him to another club for several other players on lower wages. Rumours are started, saying W-P to Arsenal as trade for Gilberto and Lauren, but nothing develops
* 28 years old. Man City have not won a title with W-P. He leaves club as free agent Signs for Tottenham in a 4 years deal at $90,000
* 29 years old. Tottenham win title
* 31 years old. Tottenham renegotiate contact in order to be under salary cap. 1 year deal $50,000
* 32 years old. Leaves Tottenham, signs for Villa. $30,000
* 33 years old. Retires from first team football

You would see different clubs winning season after season, (but you could still have dynasties such as the NE Patriots have done). Things like trades and picking players up as free agents would be so important in order to having a good year or not. Clubs and players would have no loyalty to the clubs they sign for, (a pretence at the moment anyway). This would get rid of all this fake kissing of the badge that Sean made reference to. People would know where they stand. Young players would be given a chance as squads would be more fairly controlled. Young players would develop quicker, gaining experience, benefiting domestic national sides. Merchandise revenue could be used to benefit the fans by lowering ticket prices, instead of strengthening squads.

Anyway I have ranted quite a bit here, must be a Friday.