I am going to quote from an article, and I would like you to try and guess what the article is about.

Talk about toilets remains taboo in much of the world, but not in the Netherlands where personal health and hygiene matters are popular topics of conversation.

The winner will contest the seat of Mayo for the Liberal party.

It’s good that in the new touchy-feely Liberal environment, Alexander Downer still carries a torch for the good old days:

“What they need to do, which they have not very well so far, is develop a better narrative - both a negative narrative about the Rudd Labor Government and a positive narrative about the Liberal Party.”

Emphasis mine.

Is it any surprise that life expectancy has gone up after Labor was voted into power?

The latest comparative study of the nation’s overall health by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW) - the government body responsible for compiling health statistics - shows that a baby born in Australia today can expect to live for 81.4 years, with men expected to live for 79 years and women for almost 84. Australians’ life expectancy is bettered only by the Japanese at 82.2 years.

Sad thing is, if the Libs had won, several websites who shall remain nameless would have linked the two, and gloated about the health giving benefits of Australia’s now second favourite party.

Yep.

Them’s logic for ya.

I was surprised to find this line when reading an article about Bush’s oil fixation:

It’s as if our addict-in-chief is saying to us: “C’mon, guys, you know you want a little more of the good stuff. One more hit, baby. Just one more toke on the ole oil pipe. I promise, next year, we’ll all go straight. I’ll even put a wind turbine on my presidential library. But for now, give me one more pop from that drill, please, baby. Just one more transfusion of that sweet offshore crude.”

Um…what?

UPDATE: Try saying it out loud. Go on.

Read this.

Now lament his loss.

Good news:

Zimbabwe’s President Robert Mugabe was quoted on Sunday as saying he would be willing to hand power to a ruling party ally when he’s sure the country is safe from “sellouts” and from British interference.

If that isn’t a demand for Metallica to get out of Zimbabwe, I don’t know what is.

Q: What would happen if you combined all the Tom Tate campaign ads into one?

A: This.

Following the footprints of Alexander Downer and Andrew Bartlett, Brendan Nelson has started a blog. Unfortunately, it is less successful than he’d hoped.

Read “The Doctor is In” here.

It gets better for the Liberal party.

EMBATTLED West Australian Opposition Leader Troy Buswell, who has admitted sniffing a female colleague’s chair and snapping another’s bra strap, has been accused of squeezing an MP’s testicles.

Was it Amanda Vanstone’s testicles?

Mr Buswell allegedly grabbed the backbencher in the crotch on the same night he snapped a Labor staffer’s bra during a drunken night at Parliament House last October.

Backbencher? So not Amanda. Perhaps this is why Backflip Brendan is opposing the alcopops tax - so he can join in the crazy shenanigans?

Nationals leader Brendon Grylls said the government should not wait until early next year to call the election.

“We must not allow the Parliament to fall into disrepute,” Mr Grylls said.

No, I agree. In-between chair sniffing, quokka molesting allegations, bra-snapping, scrotum squeezing and shirt lifting (not forgetting Brian Burke!), you must never let the WA parliament fall into disrepute.

They can’t win elections, they’re barely functioning, and now comes the news that no-one in the party can even destablise an already shaky leadership properly.

The blog can be read here, and the men behind it can be contacted here.

What’s interesting is that the blog appears to have been leaked to that site from the inside, because the “edit widget” buttons are still there.

Nice work. You can’t even leak properly.

There is some weird shit going down at The Midnight Sun.

When it comes to Israel, people like THR are blinded by the Master of lies himself and hence find it very difficult to think rationally about the subject. The future of Israel is a part of a larger spiritual battle between good and evil. Many times those to be found railing against the alledged ’sins’ of Israel are simply pawns in the game.

Real weird shit.

For all the crap we give Dr. Brendan Nelson, you have to love these pictures of him on the Liberal Party website:

“What? A phone call? Are you sure? Is it a prank? No? I’ll take it!”

“Hello? No, I’m sorry. There is no Hugh Jarse here. But I’ll talk to you anyway. I went on a listening tour, and nobody listened….hello? Helloooooo? Hmm, must be a bad connection”

Stop the presses! All is well in the Liberal Party.

Christopher Pyne is full of confidence for the future:

Mr Pyne’s monologue - proclaimed in a voice many decibels louder than the hubbub in the dining room at the Jewel of India - made it clear he regarded his leader’s Gippsland strategy as a joke.

“Gippsland will be our Aston!” Mr Pyne declared theatrically.

Good for you, Liberals! You do your darndest to win that by-election!

“First Gippsland, then the Lodge!” Mr Pyne continued, parodying his leader.

That’s the spirit!

It was impossible for anyone else in the crowded restaurant, including this reporter, not to overhear Mr Pyne’s remarks, so loudly were they delivered.

It’s terrific that Pyne is so full of confidence and enthusiasm! Why, he wants to share it with an entire restaurant! He wants to share it with the nation!

Never stop your good work, Christopher Pyne. Your party needs more men like you.

Thanks to Steve.

Thanks to all those who entered this contest. Here are the winners:

Third place goes to Albi for this pearler:

“What? you want me to kill them all?”

Second place goes to Bruce:

“Groupthinking… Groupthinking… Come in Mao… Come in Mao…”

First place goes to Ant for this caption, worthy of Comedy Inc:

“CateCateCateCateCateCateCateCateCateCateCateCateCateCate…”

Congratulations!

Just in case you think MK might have something reasonable to say, he gives us this:

“Pedophiles especially, the way i see it, you have to rape around 2000+ children and constantly promise to do it again and again and insist you’ll do it to the sentencing judge’s child before they’ll lock you away for life. Heaven forbid they get sentenced to death, i think the leftwing intelligentsia would revolt and start a civil war to save the pedophile.”

Awesome.

In other news, I’m starting a book on how long it will take KG to shoot up a shopping centre. Leave entries in comments. I reckon it will be before Brendan Nelson gets ousted as opposition leader.