Cover the actual news on your news website with advertising dressed up as news for the first ten seconds after your readers arrive at your site.

Genius.

Is it just me, or is there something obscene about what the man with the tickler does to his taco at the 3-second mark of this Old El Paso commercial?

And while we’re posing the big food-related questions here at GrodsCorp … is it wrong to read cookbooks on the toilet?

Oh, Apple. Why do you taunt me so?

Even if “funnest” was a word, I’d still wouldn’t buy an electronic product just because it’s the most fun model ever released. Perhaps if it was the “advancedest” or the “powerfulest” or something. Perhaps.

So I was checking my Facebook this morning when I saw this advertisement.

A more desperate and pitiful excuse for a corporation, with less sense of brand building, I’ve never seen — I mean, they can’t even write “flame grilled Whopper” proper

A couple of days ago Bridgit exclusively revealed the shittest advertisement ever made, advertising the shittest promotion ever promoted, and now it seems that Hungry Jack’s is also begging people to become “fans” of a shitty fast food chain on Facebook. I simply had to check it out so I clicked on the ad, expecting to see an abandoned corner in the wastelands of Facebook, but was horrified to see…

…1,952 fans!!!!1!

I’m genuinely shocked. How can somebody’s life be so devoid of meaning that they find themselves pledging their fandom of a fast food chain publicly? How? But then again, clicking on a button to become a “fan” of something on Facebook takes one movement of the hand, a fraction of a second, and barely a moment’s thought. These people would probably sign up as “fans” and then forget about it. They certainly wouldn’t go to the pathetic effort of actually writing anything on the Hungry Jack’s page, would they?

By clicking submit on your comment about a fast food chain you agree that you are a loser with no life

They would. Anastasia, Krystie (sic) and “Utegirl”, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

And the orthographic Nazi in me just can’t help pointing out the double-barreled apostrophe error on the chain’s super-exciting photo gallery page.

Hungry Jack’s: FAIL.

Behold, the commercial cross-over that will compete for gongs in the ‘Most Obviously Greedy’ and ‘Most Ludicrously Concieved’ categories at a future advertising awards:

What. The. Hell. What should we expect next? The “Silence of the Lamb-Kebab”? The “Rambo Hambo”? “Harry Potter and the Half-Price Fries”? And what makes a Whopper ‘dark’ in the first place? Was it made from the flesh of a cow whose parents were gunned down in the backstreets of a shadowy dystopia? Was it bullied and isolated in the freezer by the other Whopper patties? Or was it just left too long on the grill by some indolent teenager?

There are no words.

This one’s a bit longer than normal but it’s well worth listening to the end for Ant Rogenous’ pants-busting pwning of Leon Bertrand QC.

In this episode The Editor, John Surname, Ant Rogenous, Jeremy Sear and Craig discuss:

* ETS/ CPRS/ WTF/ BBQ
* CarbonChoices
* Wicked Campervans’ wicked two fingers to the ASB
* Ask A Barman
* Funniest things on the intertubes

** Because all youse bastards are too busy giving me shit in another thread, use only the “Play in popup” link or the “Download” link. **

[display_podcast]

Subscribe:   

Poor widdle Brendan Nelson had a whinge this week about not having the money to produce good looking video advertisements like evil Kevin.

…unlike Kevin Rudd I don’t have a truck load of money to go and make ads to say, you know, my name’s Brendan, I’m here from Sydney, I’m, you know, here to help you and that sort of business.

And as this amateur-hour piece whipped up by the work experience kid clearly shows, he wasn’t lying.

Zzzzzzzzzz.

Like a middle-aged man in a grey suit dressing in backward baseball cap and Converse sneakers, Fairfax is launching a totally radical website aimed at yoof aged 18-29.

Fairfax Digital is putting the finishing touches to the website, codenamed Kwerky, aimed at free-spending hedonists desperate to have their say.

To be launched within weeks, the website means to tap into a market Fairfax believes has been overlooked by social networking websites such as MySpace and Facebook which have focused solely on allowing users to create the content.

Kwerky will publish off-beat news stories, reviews and opinion on music, sport, fashion and entertainment but allow users to review the reviewers.

Awesome. Fairfax is going to re-publish wire stories about odd-spot events around the world along with brainless reviews about stuff that they think is fringe but will invariably be totally mainstream. Not even the, like, totally awesome name will cover for the crapness of the content. And review the reviewers? I can just see the Fairfax comment moderation team letting through a comment that says “this shit s fkn lame yr all a grp of cnts.”

But Fairfax has really done their research and they have buzzwords galore to describe what they’re trying to do.

Youth product manager Cinnamon Pollard…

Sorry to interrupt, but Cinnamon! Surely somebody’s taking the piss. Anyway, let’s continue.

…told staff its research had found that “identity seekers” – a segment of the 3.2 million 18-29 year olds – wanted their voices to be heard.

“They want to rate, vote and have their say. They want to gain recognition among their peers. Whatever we do we need to facilitate that,” she said.

Because “identity seeking” yoof are really going to seek their identity at a pathetic and try-hard mainstream media site. Say what you like about the illiterate, nihilist yoof of generation Z but they can smell bullshit a hundred kilometres away and this thing is going to stink like little else ever seen on the Australian intertubes.

But do you want to know the main reason I think “Kwerky” will go down like a balloon full of bullshit?

Classified ads for cars, property and jobs from Fairfax’s other websites will be run.

I’d kill to have been a fly on the wall of the board meetings where this arse of an idea was tossed around.

There’s a story running on The Age’s website about a teacher who repeatedly screwed an underage student.

A Melbourne secondary school teacher had weekly sex with a student in a school darkroom, a Victorian court has been told.

Paul Anthony Segar, 50, of Mt Waverley, appeared in the County Court in Melbourne today charged with two counts of an indecent act with a child under the age of 16, four counts of sexual penetration with a child under 16 and four counts of sexual penetration with a child aged 16 to 17 whilst under his care and supervision.

Alongside the ad is a purple animated advertisement that begins thus:

And continues thus:

Oh dear. Poor old Fairfax-owned RSVP.

Is this the lamest political fear campaign advertisement ever?

A union organiser runs at John Howard during a public appearance and is removed by security, so it metaphorically follows that the unions are running towards government trying to get their hands on it.

Lame.

This is a government that is rightly shitting itself about next Saturday.

The government has spent all of today prosecuting the implausible argument that high interest rates are a sign of good economic management. Of course, it’s all the more audacious given the government’s pledge in 2004 to keep interest rates at “record lows.”

In fact, they promised the following:

And here is treasurer Peter Costello today:

Mr Costello says [the interest rates rise] is proof of good economic management, which voters should ensure continues.

“When you have low unemployment there will always be more pressure on inflation,” he said.

“You would always expect interest rates to be higher during a period of low unemployment than a recession.

So why did the government promise to increase employment, keep inflation under control and interest rates at record lows, when they now reckon that more jobs causes higher inflation which, in turn, causes higher interest rates?

They’re just making this up as they go along, aren’t they?

Got home from work this afternoon and found this (PDF) government propaganda information booklet in the post box. You know it’s an information booklet because the contents page says so.

But before we read a single word of information or guidance to parents about drugs we have to scan through a page containing lots of information about the Man Of Steel behind the Drugs Policy Of Steel.

Not to mention lots of information about just how Tough On Drugs™ the Howard government has been.

The next fifteen-or-so pages is a bunch of generic drug info that looks like its been lifted straight from Wikipedia and whacked together in Publisher with some Getty images of needles and white powder.

Then on page 18 comes the real reason for the booklet.

The next four pages are nothing more than coalition campaigning with bold declarations about government spending and initiatives over the life of the coalition government.

Everyone knows that governments-of-the-day use taxpayer money for partisan advertising but reading shite like this, and thinking about how much taxpayer coin was spent producing and posting it, makes my blood boil. And of course, the fact this shows up on my doorstep less than two months before an election is a total coincidence.

I don’t often glance at the Google ads by the side of my Gmail but this one caught my eye.

How could any self-respecting emo resist such a tempting offer?

Lachlan Connor has today launched his Advertising to Children policy. He explains the policy in more detail in a YouTube personal broadcast.

Rate this broadcast at YouTube.
Visit Lachlan’s blog.

There’s nothing new about popular music being used in advertising to sell stuff but this time it’s gone too far. I was sitting in the hostel lounge in Queenstown last week when an ad came on the telly in the corner. I paid attention because the soundtrack was one of my favourite songs and one that’s quite meaningful — “The Staunton Lick” by Lemon Jelly. Not sure what exactly the ad was selling but I’m not buying. How dare AMP requisition a song so close to me for profit-making purposes? And how dare the band sell out at my expense?

So do the right thing, GrodsReaders: join me in boycotting AMP until the ad is withdrawn.