It’s simple economics.

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd says the time has now come to use the surplus to fight the impact of the credit crisis, amid calls to stimulate the economy by boosting the aged pension.

[...]

However, Opposition Leader Malcolm Turnbull has urged to Government to lift the pension now and a report by the Australia Institute released today says an immediate boost would stimulate the economy.
(source)

1. Raise pension
2. Key industries boosted
3. Extra cash trickles down to rest of economy
4. …
5. Profit!!1!

Bit of a stretch.

The Prime Minister admits he can’t live on the single age pension of $273-a-week, so he jets off overseas in a not-too-subtle attempt to avoid the issue completely.

Don’t type angry

First Dr Bren-doc Nelson adopts Greens policy and calls for a $30 per week increase in the single pension, then he adopts the GrodsCorp Diet and shows it off in Parliament.

Julie Bishop is seriously wanting some of that jam

Don’t ever say that GrodsCorp doesn’t care about the wrinklies.

We all know that Brendan Nelson likes to formulate policy on whiteboards minutes before releasing it publicly, but how does he do it when there’s no whiteboard available?

QUESTION: …how do you frame policy like this? I mean you take a while to come up with a pension policy, so how do you frame a policy? Do you take an amount of money and divide it by the number of people who benefit and you come up with a figure? Or how do you do that?

DR NELSON: Well terms of looking at it – by the way, you don’t need to have a committee to do this – there are pensioner organisations and… there’s plane (sic) common sense to be applied and I think what you’ve got to do is look at the cost of living pressures that pensioners face. You look at what you think is reasonable for people to try to survive on a pension, and then I think you need to look at obviously the finances of the country and what it can afford reasonably to do so, and then a decision has to be made.

Got that? No? Well, don’t worry — Bren-doc just steals Greens Party policy anyway.

Oh, Steve. We know that you’re a joke, but not that old chestnut again.

Yesterday Mr Swan said the pension rate was totally inadequate but he ruled out increasing the payment until a Treasury review reports back by February next year.

Senator Fielding says it is not good enough and the pension should immediately be boosted by $70 a week.

“We’ve had pensioners ringing our office and tell us that they’re living on dog food,” he said.

The most economically-priced dog food at Coles is Coles Smart Buy Dog Food Meat 1.2kg at $1.41 per can. This would provide about three disgusting, repetitive and nutrition-and-vegetable-free meals for an aged person on the pension. At 47 cents per meal (or $6.58 for a fortnight’s worth of dinners) it sure is a bargain, but the taste surely leaves a lot to be desired. Not to mention the long term health consequences.

Delicious AND nutritious (for Fido, not Granny)

Is Fielding seriously trying to suggest that there are no other non-doggy options in the supermarket for a similar price? Well I’ve had a look around.

Let’s start nice and simple. Fourteen meals of Coles Smart Buy Baked Beans in Tomato Sauce 400g, individually priced at $0.52, costs $7.28 — only 70 cents more than dog food over a fortnight. Not exactly a nutritionist’s dream but it can’t be much worse than dog food.

Moving up the gourmet scale a pensioner could combine Coles Smart Buy Pasta Sauce 700g at $2.17, plus Coles Smart Buy Pasta Spaghetti No.1 500g at $0.64, to make three dinners for the total cost of $2.81. That’s $13.16 over a fortnight which is less than double the cost of the dog food.

And at the upper end of the lower end of the food scale, a pensioner could purchase cans of ready meals — dog food for humans. Coles Smart Buy Canned Meal Beef & Vegetable 400g costs $1.89 per can, while Coles Smart Buy Canned Meal Beef & Onion 400g costs $1.94 per can. A bit pricey at around $27 for a fortnight’s worth, but reasonable if you were to only eat a can now and again as a treat.

Let’s compare two sample menus.

MENU A (The Fielding Diet)
Day 1: Dog food… $0.47
Day 2: Dog food… $0.47
Day 3: Dog food… $0.47
Day 4: Dog food… $0.47
Day 5: Dog food… $0.47
Day 6: Dog food… $0.47
Day 7: Dog food… $0.47
Day 8: Dog food… $0.47
Day 9: Dog food… $0.47
Day 10: Dog food… $0.47
Day 11: Dog food… $0.47
Day 12: Dog food… $0.47
Day 13: Dog food… $0.47
Day 14: Dog food… $0.47
TOTAL: $6.58

MENU B (The GrodsCorp Diet)
Day 1: Baked beans… $0.52
Day 2: Spaghetti and sauce… $0.64
Day 3: Baked beans… $0.52
Day 4: Spaghetti and sauce… $0.64
Day 5: Baked beans… $0.52
Day 6: Spaghetti and sauce… $0.64
Day 7: Canned meal, beef and vegetable… $1.89
Day 8: Baked beans… $0.52
Day 9: Spaghetti and sauce… $0.64
Day 10: Baked beans… $0.52
Day 11: Spaghetti and sauce… $0.64
Day 12: Baked beans… $0.52
Day 13: Spaghetti and sauce… $0.64
Day 14: Canned meal, beef and onion… $1.94
TOTAL: $10.79

So for $4.21 extra a fortnight an Australian pensioner can eat food designed for humans and enjoy a little bit of variety. It’s still not exactly haute cuisine, and it would still give a nutritionist conniptions, but it’s a shitload better than dog food. $4.21 — that’s only five pulls on a poker machine.

Shut up, Steve Fielding. Perhaps when you fail to get re-elected in a couple of years you could work for Today Tonight.

Look, I know that posting over and over again about Brendan Nelson is like shooting fish in a barrel (and I’m going to try and cut down on my addiction — I can give up if I want to) but some things are so offensive that they just have to be highlighted. Take this for example.

And I say to Mr Rudd and Mr Swan and the other members of the Labor Party who tell us they’re driving a so-called social justice truck, you try and live on $273 a week [the aged pension]. I think some of them couldn’t live on $273 for a day let alone $273 for a week.

That makes me so incredibly angry that I have trouble typing the words. Brendan Nelson and the shameful government of which he was a member had eleven long years to raise the aged pension above its current level if they were at all concerned about it. Their actions, however, suggested quite the opposite. And to suggest that Rudd, Swan and the other Labor ministers are disengaged because they draw salaries greater than the pension is simply juvenile. What about poor widdle Tony Abbott who bitched and moaned about his $90,000 pay cut last year when he was dumped from minister to opposition backbencher? I’d like to see Abbott live on $273 a week instead of his paltry $127,000 annual salary plus benefits.

So Brendan’s obviously got a plan for how he’d better look after pensioners if he was, by some miracle, elected.

QUESTION: And what do you promise pensioners?

DR NELSON: Well the most important thing that we need to do at the moment is to make sure that pensioners are on Mr Rudd’s political radar. We need to make sure that we stand up for pensioners to make sure that they have a voice. We’re in the process at the moment of examining policy although it’s only six months since the last election, and one of the things that is very clear is that our nation has a responsibility to put Australia’s age pensioners on a solid financial footing. I think it’s very clear at the moment that all of us, and the Government in particular that so cruelly let down Australia’s pensioners in its Budget, needs to re-examine its budgetary priorities and there needs to be further strengthening of the financial position of pensioners.

The short answer is: “No, we have nothing to promise pensioners.”

Now, just to make sure I’ve got all of the bile out of my system here are a couple of amusing moments from the same Nelson doorstop.

First:

…if Mr Rudd has got the time to go and see Cate Blanchett and her newborn baby, which is all terrific, he’s got the time to actually look Australia’s pensioners in the eye and tell them what he’s going to do to help them.

Cate Blanchett test — TICK!

Second:

I think my wife would certainly confirm that I’m much better with my shirt on…

A proper conservative must have proper conservative sex, after all. Beds together and lights out! Just think of England, darling. This will all be over in a few seconds.

Third:

QUESTION: But how do you adequately tackle climate change when you’re [inaudible]?

Good question, journo. It’s tough for Nelson when he’s completely ignored by the electorate.