It’s no secret that journalist Peter Hartcher has no love lost for outgoing MP Alexander Downer. He has written a nice little farewell to Lexi. Dolly. Whatever you want to call him.

I, for one, am relieved to see the back of this childish, half-man half-boy twat. Hartcher recalls a shining highlight of Lexi’s career as a foreign affairs minister:

The then foreign minister was at Melbourne Airport walking towards the gate to catch his flight when he saw, walking ahead of him, Dick Woolcott.

Woolcott was a career diplomat, former secretary of the department of foreign affairs and trade. Although he had retired by the time the Howard government took power, the new government had asked him to perform some delicate diplomatic missions. John Howard made him a special envoy to bringing about a rapprochement with Malaysia’s prickly prime minister, Mahathir Mohamad, for instance.

But the invasion of Iraq changed all that. Woolcott emerged as a critic. Now seizing the moment in Melbourne Airport, did the foreign minister confront Woolcott? Did he argue the merits of the policy? Did he try to change his mind? Or did he tell him what he thought of him? None of these.

Yelling above the heads of the other travellers, Downer called out to the back of Woolcott’s head, “Loser!” he told me later. “Then I ducked down quickly in case he turned around and saw me.” In recounting the story, Downer seemed to think it a very funny thing to do.

Goodbye, Lexi. And good riddance. Thanks for nothing.

The Editor, John Surname, Ant Rogenous, Jeremy Sear and J,The discuss:

* Alexander Downer’s retirement
* The new Senate (Greens, Xenophon, Fucking Steve Fucking Fielding)
* World Yoof Day controversy
* Ask A Barman
* Funniest things on the intertubes

** Because The Editor still doesn’t have the internet at home despite living in a first world country, use only the “Play in popup” link or the “Download” link. **

[display_podcast]

Subscribe:   

It’s good that in the new touchy-feely Liberal environment, Alexander Downer still carries a torch for the good old days:

“What they need to do, which they have not very well so far, is develop a better narrative – both a negative narrative about the Rudd Labor Government and a positive narrative about the Liberal Party.”

Emphasis mine.

Dolly Downer’s still at the namedropping game. The scene this time is 1997’s APEC summit.

Madeleine Albright didn’t share my view… my only support was the Singaporean Foreign Minister.

Drawing on Alexander Downer’s penchant for namedropping international figures of note, Mikey makes a bet.

…what’s the bet Downer starts name dropping himself?

And less than 24 hours later Mikey wins.

Late last week I spoke to 300 students in Adelaide about political leadership.

Alexander Downer recalls the morning after the night before.

“I remember the day after the election when Peter Costello made his announcement and my wife and some of my children, we were watching this announcement on television,” Mr Downer told the Nine Network.

“And somebody asked would I be interested in the job and the children all in unison howled out: ‘Don’t go anywhere near it Dad!’”

What he forgot to tell Channel Nine is that he also clearly heard the screams of 20 million Australians howling out in unison: “Noooooooo!”

The Editor, John Surname, Ant Rogenous, Jeremy Sear, Keri and Craig discuss:

* Petrol, petrol, petrol
* Cult of entitlement: Alexander Downer and Mal Brough
* GrodsCorp’s anti-anti-abortion rally
* Bill Henson: art or pr0n?
* John Laws vs. Carson Kressley in the GrodsThink naked cagefight to the death

** Because Jeremy Sear and Chuck A. Spear are using all of Australia’s bandwidth to play Call Of Duty 4, use only the “Play in popup” link or the “Download” link. **

[display_podcast]

Subscribe:   

The Editor, John Surname, Ant Rogenous and Jeremy Sear discuss:

* Brendan Nelson’s budget reply
* Alexander Downer’s retirement cocktease
* eBay’s PayPal monopoly rip off
* Boys, an Xbox, a credit card, hookers and a hoax
* Alan Jones vs. John Laws in the GrodsThink naked cagefight

** Because Jeremy Sear is still talking passionately to the microphone even though it’s turned off use only the “Play in popup” link or the “Download” link. **

[display_podcast]

Subscribe:   

Further to this morning’s story about Alexander Downer’ imminent (and highly anticipated) departure from politics, the member for Mayo has smacked down Senator Nick Minchin for prematurely blowing his load.

“Nick Minchin’s suggestion that I am retiring is presumptuous,” [Downer] said.

“I have made no decision as to my future. When I do make a decision, as to whether I stay or leave politics, I will announce it myself and it will not be a matter for other politicians.”

And thank god Dolly’s going to stick around because the panda has no greater friend.

Well I think South Australia is the big loser in the budget for a lot of reasons… Funding for the Adelaide Zoo so it can house the pandas which would be a great tourist attraction has not been provided. This is despite the fact that Mr Rudd indicated that the $5 million would be found when he was in China recently.

I suppose backbenchers are forced to focus on more mundane provincial issues like zoo enclosures after they are unceremoniously dumped from their globetrotting Foreign Ministry positions.

Oh, but hang on. Alexander’s found a way to sneak some commentary about international relations into a bitch about zoo funding.

The pandas are great for tourism and they have been good for our relationship with China of course. It has been a symbol of our relationship with China. The new Rudd Labor government apparently doesn’t think it is important…

Don’t go, Alexander! Your country (and the panda) needs you.

Liberal Senator Nick Minchin confirms something we all knew anyway.

Opposition Senate leader Nick Minchin says former foreign minister Alexander Downer will leave Federal Parliament this year.

In the wake of the Coalition’s defeat last November, Mr Downer said he would decide on his political future within six months.

So far Mr Downer has made no announcement of any plan to retire.

But Senator Minchin says Mr Downer will quit the Parliament within a few months.

“My understanding it that he will be retiring from the seat of Mayo,” he said.

“He’ll be a great loss to the Coalition. He’s been Australia’s longest serving and most successful foreign minister.”

Now correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t going for lunch instead of attending question time and hosting a radio program in Adelaide while serving as a member of Parliament as close to retirement one can get without retiring? Or is it just taking the piss? And why does Nick Minchin think that just because he’s the longest serving Foreign Minister he can suck up a Parliamentary salary while looking for a post-Parliamentary job and not doing his Parliamentary duties?

Just piss off, Dolly. You’re wasting our time and money.

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I’m going to eat worms

It continues.

During the Blair’s visit to Australia in 2006, I suggested to Cherie Blair…

Plus it’s back to school for Dolly. Blair’s should be Blairs’.

Remember recent blogospheric debutant Alexander Downer’s serious namedropping problem? Well here are a few lines from his latest post.

Last week, while in Washington I spoke to Congressional staffers to help them with the new Congressional sanctions Bill. I instituted human rights training programs for mid-level officials.

New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark and I did our best…

I swear Dolly thinks he’s still in government!

I suppose that one advantage of being demoted from Foreign Minister to opposition backbencher is that you all of a sudden have a bunch of time on your hands. Some politicians write memoirs, some take up golf, and others start blogs.

From this week onwards I’ll be writing a blog on current issues in Mayo and beyond. You can send me an E Mail and tell me what you think as it’s important for me to get feedback.

As opposed to some other politicians’ “blogs” this one is an actual blog, in that it allows comments (although I’m not sure if they’re moderated.) The few entries so far tend to be long and thoughtful pieces on a range of topics, which is admirable regardless of one’s stance on Downer’s politics. However, as the friend who sent me a link to this blog said in her email “I can’t tell you how much joy this is bringing to my life especially as so many begin with ‘just last week I was talking to [insert former world leader].”

Here are some choice quotes from some of the posts.

Last Wednesday I caught up with an old friend, Chris Patten. He was the last British Governor of Hong Kong…

My putter is Korean. It was given to me by Ban Ki Moon, the Secretary General of the United Nations after I cleaned him up on a splendid course in Seoul.

18 months ago I arrived at the Elysee Palace in Paris and was greeted on the front steps by President Chirac.

Over breakfast with Madeleine Albright…

This week I asked Condi Rice if she was backing a horse in this race.

I look forward to reading more of Alexander Downer’s name-dropping blog-of-showing-off.

And with 16 simple words former foreign minister Alexander Downer finally tells the truth.

THE decision by President George Bush to overthrow the regime of the Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein, and the decisions of the British and Australian governments to provide military support to the Americans, will always be controversial. It was, nevertheless, the right decision.

If only Downer and the shameful government of which he was an integral part could’ve been upfront with the people who elected them five years ago.

ps/- And before any RWDBs get started: YES I think that Hussein was a murderous bastard who heartily deserved his eventual fate. YES I think that Iraq deserved better than his regime and that if the fledging democracy that is slowly beginning to take shape there blossoms the world will be a better place for it. YES I think coalition troops in Iraq are fighting a noble cause and I wish them the very best. BUT the way that our government, along with the governments of the USA and the UK, went about selling this invasion to their electorates undermines the very democracy we are supposedly trying to spread.

Just like the chick in that famous Britney YouTube video there is at least one punter who thinks that everyone should just leave Mark Vaile alone.

Bob Barnes, 61, didn’t care if Mr Vaile was still getting his parliamentary wage or not.

“He’s been working hard for years, he’s the best elected member anyone could (wish for).

“Give him a little break — leave poor old Mark alone.”

And I reckon that Bob’s right. Vaile, Downer, Costello et. al. have every moral right to spend their days working to secure post-politics employment as consultants with six or seven figure salaries while simultaneously drawing their Parliamentary salary and benefits for work they’re not doing and have no intention of ever doing again. I mean, just look at poor old Mark who’s taken a $100,000 hit to his pay after being demoted from deputy PM to opposition backbencher. I’m sure he’s hurting just as much as Alexander and Peter who also have mouths to feed and share portfolios to build. Their need to secure future employment far outweighs any obligation they have to serve the people who voted them into Parliament to represent them. Not the mention the bruises to their egos suffered after those nasty voters gave them and their kind the arse.

I mean, it’s not like the three of them could retire tomorrow and instantly access offensively large lifetime superannuation payouts to tide them over the few months it would take to land another job.