GrodsCorp can today exclusively reveal that the Liberal Party has been acquired by Australian company Southern Star Endemol, producers of Australian Idol and Big Brother. Southern Star Endemol have been tasked with breathing life into a tired old format and have hit the ground running with two bold initiatives.

1) Party leader selected by popular vote
Under a proposal supported by you’ve-got-to-be-kidding leadership aspirant, Christopher Pyne, every Liberal Party member will get to vote for the leader of the Party. Members will need to SMS the first name of their preferred candidate (e.g. WILSON) to a 1900 phone number for 55 cents. It is believed that many strongly anti-Liberal voters are considering taking out a Liberal Party membership just so they can play their small part in electing to the leadership somebody completely unelectable (e.g. BRENDAN).

2) Audience participation during Question Time
Fresh from cheapening Parliament by using the Kardboard Kevin incident to accuse the ALP of cheapening Parliament by sitting on Fridays, the Liberal Party is further cheapening Parliament by opening it up to anyone who wants a crack. The Liberal Party website has a page where punters can submit questions that they’d like Brendan Nelson or another clown to ask of the government. Some commentators have noted that MPs are elected to think of these questions themselves and if they can’t even manage that then they deserve their sub-polar Newspoll ratings.

Since revealing Lachlan Connor’s accidental audition success on GrodsCorp last week the story has been picked up by Big Brother fan site Behind Big Brother…

Bloggers at GrodsCorp managed to get a fictional persona right through to the group interview stage of Big Brother auditions this year.

“Lachlan Conner” is a dorky traffic surveyor and failed senate candidate featured in an internet video mockumentary made by the site. When GrodsCorp wrapped up the series they decided Lachlan might as well have a shot at reality TV stardom.

Big Brother producers must have found Lachlan more interesting than the real applicants on the site because he was soon sent the audition questionnaire… even though his video only received 2 votes.

GrodsCorp filled out the questionnaire with semi-bogus answers but when Lachlan was invited to a group interview his audition journey sadly had to come to an end… the character doesn’t have a drivers license with his name on it.

In an indication of how average the other real contestants must be Lachlan was chased by Big Brother producers with at least a dozen follow up calls and a few emails. You can read more about Lachlan’s story including his questionnaire answers at GrodsCorp.

..and, in turn, the gossip columns of News Ltd. rags around the country (Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide and Perth).

IT WOULDN’T be the first time a Big Brother housemate has been accused of being fake, but a make-believe character making it right through to group auditions?

Lachlan Connor - a fictional character who stars in an internet video mockumentary - was apparently more appealing to producers than many real-life applicants.

Connor “wrote” in his questionnaire that his favourite movie is The Truman Show, and talks of his life-changing Contiki tour across Europe.

But because he only exists on the GrodsCorp website, the dorky traffic surveyor failed to advance to the next level.

So given the interest in Lachlan’s Big Brother tilt I decided to see if the producers were still willing to let him attend the audition.

From: Lachlan Connor (lachlanconnor @gmail.com)
To: Big Brother 2008 (bigbrother @bigbrother.com.au)
Date: Jan 30, 2008 9:18 PM
Subject: Re: BB08: Audition Invitation

Hi,

If it’s not too late to RSVP I’d love to come to the audition.

Regards,
Lachlan

I’ll let you know if I get a response.

It all started back in September 2006 when GrodsCorp created a half-baked character called Lachlan Connor who starred in a half-baked internet mockumentary called Lachlan Connor, Independent. And it was all supposed to end in January 2008 when we pumped out the final episode of the series, wrapping up Lachlan’s story by having him audition for the 2008 series of Big Brother.

But it didn’t end there.

Lachlan’s audition video was uploaded to the Big Brother website a few days before entries closed and was viewed barely 100 times with one or two votes before the cut off date; yet Lachlan somehow progressed through to the second round of auditions despite there being hundreds of audition videos that were far more popular and the fact that a really casual Google of Lachlan’s name reveals him to be imaginary.

From: Big Brother 2008 (bigbrother @bigbrother.com.au)
To: Lachlan Connor (lachlanconnor @gmail.com)
Date: Jan 11, 2008 1:12 PM
Subject: BB08: Congratulations, you’ve made it to the next stage!

Congratulations. You have been selected to progress to the next stage of Big Brother auditions… and your BB08 experience has begun!

You now need to fill out a questionnaire. This will help us learn more about you.

When you click on the link below, you’ll be taken to the questionnaire. You must complete this by Wed Jan 16 2008 , 5pm AEST in order to be considered for the next round.

You will need to enter your username and password that you created when you joined the Big Brother site. If you have forgotten this, please visit www.ten.com.au and go to the sign in/register section.

The URL is:

* link *

It’s important we remind you that you must click to indicate you agree to our Terms and Conditions and Confidentiality agreement. These are the same conditions that you agreed to when you submitted your initial application and they continue to apply to you throughout the selection process.

Good luck! We’ll be in touch if you are successful in moving through to the next round.

The Big Brother Team

So how could I resist logging into the Big Brother system and filling out their silly questionnaire? Little did I know that I would squander three hours of my life making up answers to 123 questions like these:

Read the rest of this entry »

I have a terrible admission to make. I’ve been cruising the Big Brother website watching audition tapes for the 2008 show uploaded by famewhore hopefuls. I just navigated to the site out of curiosity to watch one or two but the series of amateur, two minute pleas for attention are like a train wreck on steroids. Here are The Editor’s top six BB08 audition tapes so far.

NUMBER SIX: Julie

This old bat reckons that putting her on the show will instantly make the 90% of the population who don’t watch the show watch the show. Thankfully she promises not to “shower nuddy” if selected.

NUMBER FIVE: Nick

19 year old Nick is a DJ whose life revolves around music, who was once Vice Captain of his school, and who “doesn’t start fights but will finish them.” He looks like he’s about the glass the camera man. Oh, and he reckons he’s “qwerky” (sic).

NUMBER FOUR: Kellie

This fruitcake has found a special effect on her computer’s inbuilt camera and thinks its overuse will earn her selection as a housemate. She seems to have a vocabulary restricted to childish noises.

NUMBER THREE: Attilio

This idiot is your garden variety attention seeker who claims he hates “being fake” but spends two minutes in this video being fake by doing shithouse impersonations and a “baboon dance”.

NUMBER TWO: Tiffany

When I watched this video I threw up a little bit in my mouth. Tiffany shows us her “third breast” and puts her fist in her mouth. A must see.

NUMBER ONE: Billy

But the winner is Billy. A guy who is… well… just random. Words cannot explain how lame this dude is. Another must see.