One of the things that most Australians would agree on is that this country should have a decent public health system that is more than just a safety net, with a private health system available for those who choose to use it and are capable of paying. We shudder at the thought of an “Americanised” health system where one’s access to the health system is contingent upon the ability to pay.

The Howard Liberal government (the party of “choice”, remember) tried very hard in its eleven years to maximise the number of people with private health insurance by making it uneconomical to do otherwise. The taxpayer now subsidises 35% of private health insurance premiums, there is a penalty for not taking out health insurance before the age of 31, and taxpayers without private health pay a sizeable levy towards Medicare when they earn over $50,000.

But the Rudd government today announced that the Medicare levy threshold would be increased for the first time since 1997.

Under the current system, middle-income earners pay an average levy of $600 if they are not privately insured and the changes will see the threshold increased to $100,000 for singles and $150,000 for couples.

Ms Roxon says the threshold has not been adjusted to keep pace with wages since it was set in 1997.

“At that time when the threshold was $50,000 a year, average wages were well under that at around $34,000 a year,” she said.

“Now you can be earning less than the average wage and still be hit by the Howard government’s threshold. We don’t think that’s fair.”

Of course the opposition has opposed the move which they see as some sort of bizarre reverse discrimination.

Federal opposition leader Brendan Nelson says the Rudd government’s Medicare levy reforms are a cruel “con”.

Dr Nelson said the move to double the salary required before a taxpayer without private health insurance pays the levy would only have negative affects.

“There is absolutely no doubt that as a result of this fewer people will take up private health insurance,” Dr Nelson told reporters in Sydney today.

[…]

“The pensioners and battlers of this country, some of whom used to go without food to pay for their private health insurance, are now going to find they have to pay higher premiums,” Dr Nelson said.

I’m sorry, Brendan, but if the pensioners and battlers of this country are forced to go without food to pay for private health insurance because they’ve been given no choice by the Howard government then your party should be ashamed of itself. The health funds are starting to suggest that Medicare should be means tested but clearly many Australians who can’t afford health insurance already feel like they have no choice.

Dr Brendan Nelson, leader (sic) of the opposition, loves to remind punters and journalists at every opportunity that he is a medical doctor. The way that he casually drops anecdotes from his practicing days into interviews and speeches has become a bit of a joke, but this exchange from a Sky TV interview is pure, solid gold in its patheticness.

SPEERS: But looking back, how much did the divisiveness between the Costello and Howard camp, camps, in the final stages of the Howard Government contribute to the loss?

DR NELSON: Well look I’m not going to get a, you know, a retrospect-o-scope out on that.

“Let me just have a listen with my retrospect-o-scope.”
“Thankyou, Dr Nelson.”
“No worries. Now take a deep… did you know I’m a doctor?”

Will you please just give up the keys to the Lodge and fuck off?

Just like people who aren’t satisfied with one birthday a year and have to have 13 of them, the unceremoniously dumped former Prime Minister of Australia, John Howard, can’t accept that it’s over. His grand farewell tour of the world rolled on into its sixth month with another farewell gig in Sydney last night.

In his speech, to party faithful in Sydney last night, Mr Howard also said that despite the “propaganda” of the Labor Party, his government had been kinder to the poor, the underprivileged and low-income earners than the Hawke and Keating governments before it.

[…]

Mr Howard was speaking at a tribute dinner organised in his honour to raise funds for the NSW Liberal Party.

I’m not even going to comment on that.

But here’s a bit of unintentional hilarity from Annabel Stafford at The Age.

The 1200-strong crowd, which included Liberal heavyweights (sic) such as Dr [Brendan] Nelson…

LOL!

Remember John Howard’s trademark niggling over those pesky words such as “sorry”, “regret”, “apology” and “responsibility”? Here’s Johnny on indigenous reconciliation.

JOHN HOWARD: “I committed the Government to pursuing reconciliation the night that the Government was re-elected in October of last year. I believe that this resolution will make a huge contribution towards the cause of reconciliation. It does not, as a resolution, impose a blame or a guilt on present generations for past misdeeds. But it does recognise the truth about Australia’s history.

MATT PEACOCK: It doesn’t say sorry.

JOHN HOWARD: No, well…

MATT PEACOCK: Is that important?

JOHN HOWARD: Well, no, what is important, Matt, is what is positive out of what was passed yesterday. I am not, like Aden Ridgeway, I am not going to get hung out about, hung up about this or that word or this or that expression.

And here’s Johnny on interest rate rises.

Well, I said I was sorry they’d occurred. I don’t think I actually used the word apology. I think there is a difference between the two things … I think we’ve been through that debate before, haven’t we, in the context of something (else) … I very much regret the interest rate rise. I’m sorry it’s happened. This word game about apologies and sorry has been invented by the Labor Party to divert attention from the fact they don’t have an economic policy to put downward pressure on inflation and interest rates.

New Liberal leader (sic) Dr Brendan Nelson has clearly taken lessons in the Howard art of word manipulation judging from this effort on the topic of inflation.

The fact is that we do not have an inflationary crisis. What we do have is an inflationary challenge that needs to be addressed and it needs to be faced.

Oh, I see. It’s a challenge and not a crisis. But why then, Bren-doc, does this challenge need to be addressed and faced? That sounds like a crisis to me.

There’s no inflationary crisis but clearly there’s an inflationary challenge that needs to be addressed. And in addressing that inflationary challenge it’s important that we take into account that our economy is slowing. We’ve had two official rate rises from the Reserve Bank since November last year. We’ve also had increases in interest rates from the banks outside official movements. We’ve got the full impact of the global liquidity crisis yet to affect and wash through the Australian economy.

Whoa! Settle down, Brendan! It’s a global liquidity challenge, not a global liquidity crisis.

For all the crap we give Dr. Brendan Nelson, you have to love these pictures of him on the Liberal Party website:

“What? A phone call? Are you sure? Is it a prank? No? I’ll take it!”

“Hello? No, I’m sorry. There is no Hugh Jarse here. But I’ll talk to you anyway. I went on a listening tour, and nobody listened….hello? Helloooooo? Hmm, must be a bad connection”

Opposition leader Brendan “I’m a doctor” Nelson is a comedy show with legs and a forehead. His doorstop interview efforts will be studied by future political science students and are sure to become the stuff of legend. Bren-doc yesterday appeared at the campaign launch of Gippsland Liberal candidate Rohan Fitzgerald and he was performing at the peak of his powers.

Firstly, what would a Nelson interview be like without the ad nauseum repeating of his holy trinity message that deserves a hearty drink! each time it’s spoken?

The key issues for the by-election campaign are really going to be for the people of Gippsland to ask themselves, after more than five months of a Labor Government in Canberra, is it easier for me to keep my house? Is it easier for me to keep my small business? Is it easier for me to fill my car up with petrol or put groceries in my shopping trolley?

Drink!

…trying to put petrol in your car, trying to buy groceries, trying to keep a roof over your head…

Drink!

And the issues that are really going to determine the outcome in this election are going to be about housing and mortgages and petrol and groceries…

Drink!

…this is about keeping a roof over your head, being able to feed, clothe and house your children, putting petrol in your car and buying groceries…

Drink!

Has it got harder for me to keep my house, is my job more or less secure than it was, is it easier to put petrol in the car, buy groceries every week?

Drink!

Well, the most important issues are affording your house, making sure that the Government makes decisions that actually keep interest rates at a level that we can all manage, making sure that petrol and groceries are affordable…

Drink! Drink! Drink!

Then in the vein of the good doctor’s previous “Just watch” effort there was this brilliant exchange.

QUESTION: What do you believe that you can offer the Gippsland people that the Nationals can’t?

DR NELSON: Rohan Fitzgerald.

BAM! Take that, reporter. Totally pwned.

And then Nelson got himself all tied up in knots with this hideously mangled metaphor that ended up proving nothing except for his imbecility.

We will be looking for very solid, sound economic management from the Government in the Budget that’s coming up. And let’s just remember – it’s like the cardboard cut out of Mr Rudd in the federal parliament – Mr Rudd last year decided that he was going to run some advertisements to try and tell people he was a fiscal conservative and now we’re about to actually find out just what the economic credibility of Mr Rudd and Mr Swan is.

What?

No wonder Rohan Fitzgerald doesn’t have a single photo or mention of Dr Bren-doc Nelson on his website, unlike 2007 Liberal election candidates who had John Howard plastered all over the place.

Opposition leader Brendan Nelson (who’s a doctor) commenting on Labor’s proposed changes to legislation that discriminates against homosexual people.

…we believe very strongly that no Australian by virtue of his or her sexuality should pay a dollar more in tax or receive a dollar less in social security.

The Editor taking advantage of the Liberal Party’s invitation to suggest question time tactics.

Finally! It’s finished! (The listening tour that is, not Nelson’s leadership which has at least a couple more weeks’ life left in it.) No longer will I be forced to read Bren-doc’s turgid travel diary and no longer will unsuspecting punters at servos and RSLs around the country be forced to listen to Bren-doc’s turgid empathy.

After more than three and a half weeks on the road, it was wonderful to be able to wind up my national listening tour at the Parramatta RSL for a pre-ANZAC Day morning tea.

Remember, Brendan: what happens on tour stays on tour.

At this time of year, millions of Australians come together to reflect upon and give thanks for the courage and sacrifice of the men and women who have served our country – and who continue to serve – so that today we can enjoy the freedoms which we so often take for granted. ANZAC Day has become a popular expression of solidarity in support of shared Aussie values that transcend the generations.

Yes it is.

The morning tea was also reminder of the wonderful services the RSL provides to our veterans and the important place it holds in our community.

Cheap beer.

Over the last few weeks it has been a real privilege…

Liar.

…to travel the country from Bunbury to Brisbane; from Tassie to the Top End and to meet and spend time with everyday Australians from all walks of life.

Last week Nelson’s travel tutor must have done a lesson on alliteration.

What has become clear is that the issue of foremost concern to everyday Australians is growing cost of living pressures. Many average Aussies are struggling with the increasing cost of petrol and groceries, along with rising interest rates…

DRINK!

…and they are waiting for Mr Rudd to deliver on the expectations he built up last year that he would bring all of these down.

Not to mention waiting eleven long years before that for your government to bring those down.

Ever inspirational, the small businesses men and women whom I met – who get out of bed every morning to take a risk and work hard to deliver the goods and services we all want and provide jobs Aussies need – were concerned by what they sensed as a significant drop-off in consumer confidence in the last couple of months. In fact they could pinpoint almost to the day when business slowed dramatically.

That is possibly the biggest lie that Brendan has ever let pass his lips. What a bunch of utter bullshit.

After months of talking down the economy and talking up inflation, it is time that Mr Rudd and Mr Swan started to act responsibly.

You’re just embarrassing yourself now, Doc.

In many parts of Australia the drought is still as devastating as it has been at any point in recent years. The farming community must have the necessary financial support to re-stock and get their farms and businesses moving again.

Again, where was your mob on this one?

Water is essential to everything, and no more so than in the state of South Australia. I will continue to fight to ensure the national water agreement actually works and that we get fair compensation and support for affected farmers.

And how valuable your contribution to policy delivery will be, Brendon.

The listening tour has been an opportunity for me and my team to gather ideas and inspiration that will help us to develop and shape our policies for the future.

One giant opportunity missed. Go home, Dr Nelson.

Another great GrodsCaptionComp with the judging tough as usual. Let’s cross straight to the podium.

In third place is Albi with a filthy-yet-funny creation.

John Howard demonstrates his previous government’s dealings with big business - “Being fucked up the arse is fine, as long as they reciprocate with the reach around”, he told the excited opposition leader.

Albi wins a Fleshlight used and autographed by John Howard.

In second place is Ross Sharp with a frighteningly accurate depiction of the end of Howard’s career.

Current opposition leader Brendan Nelson and other Liberal Party faithfuls attempt to convince former Prime Minister John Howard to relinquish his spare set of keys to Kirribilli House.

Ross wins a replica key to Kirribilli and a replica Jeanette Howard.

But in first place is Dave from Albury with this pearler.

Nelson - “That’s so funny Warwick, make the dummy say ‘Fuck’ again.”
Parer - “That’s nothing, someone get me a glass of water”

Congratulations, Dave! You win the corpse of John Howard with which you can perfect your own ventriloquism skillz.

The book is closed! There are over thirty tips for the date on which Nelson will be dumped (or stand down, although a dumping will be more satisfying) and we have been collecting beer bottle tops at GrodsThink recordings to send to the eventual winner.

Stay tuned…

Will somebody please just turn off this man’s life support so I don’t have to read this crap anymore?

Goulburn is one of Australia’s great inland cities with a proud history dating back to the 19th Century. Sadly this great city has suffered more than most from the worst drought in one hundred years.

The drought has had a devastating impact not just on the farming community but also on the small businesses that support it in towns and cities throughout Australia just like Goulburn. I visited one such small business, Ranger Geale Construction and Agriculture Specialists, which has had its turnover cut by 60 per cent as a result of the drought.

Terrible stuff. But you and your ilk had eleven long years to do something if you think that something needs to be (and can be) done.

Small businesses throughout Australia must be protected from unfair dismissal laws which would severely discourage them from taking on new staff when conditions improve. This is a real concern I have picked up from small business owners around Australia and it is a core principle for me and my team.

This man is beyond amazing! One minute WorkChoices is dead, then it’s alive again. Keep on bringing the debate around to IR, Brendan, because as long as you’re banging on about it there’s even less chance you and your team will ever get near the other side of the chamber again.

Another issue that is raised with me wherever I go is obviously the cost of fuel.

DRINK!

Mr Rudd created the expectation last year that he would reduce the price of petrol yet since November the price of petrol has gone up.

Naughty, naughty Kevin. He’s singlehandedly depleting world reserves of oil, raising demand around the globe, and controlling OPEC’s price setting policy.

The Coalition will obviously support responsible policies that reduce the cost of petrol for Australian motorists.

The same policies you failed to come up with in eleven long years.

But the Government must demonstrate that no motorists will be a cent worse off as a result of new policies.

Because that’s exactly what the government wants to happen.

I have particular concern that Mr Rudd’s FuelWatch scheme will get rid of the heavy weekly discounting of fuel which currently takes place and which millions of Australians rely on.

But you’ll still support it, Brendan. That’s the kind of fence-sitting guy you are.

A couple of days ago a PDF file appeared on the Liberal Party website entitled Dr Brendan Nelson — Real life experience and leadership. You’ve got to wonder why they bothered given that Nelson’s only got a few months (at best) left in his leadership. But then again, the graphic design looks so amateur the work experience kid probably slapped it together.

The brochure appears to be a hastily complied bunch of crap about Nelson’s background and a pissweak argument that he is a true leader. It starts off very, very badly with this photo on the front cover.

That hair is surely airbrushed on

And then just in case you didn’t already know, and the letters ‘D’ and ‘r’ in the header didn’t give it away, the first two paragraphs are all about the fact that Bren-doc is a doctor.

For Liberal leader Dr Brendan Nelson, there have been many experiences throughout his 49 years that he will never forget - like delivering a baby for the first time, consoling a family shattered by the loss of two teenage children in a motor accident and stepping in to resuscitate a man who had a cardiorespiratory arrest on a beach. Dr Nelson says he will always remember being called to a drug squat and arriving to find a young woman - a prostitute - who had overdosed on heroin, compounding a serious heart infection, and then meeting that person five years later and finding her completely reconciled with her family and leading a happy, healthy life.

Brendan Nelson’s career as a medical doctor brought him into contact with many, varied Australian lives. It is a profession that provides a unique and invaluable grounding for his life in politics. Evolving from MD to MP was not something Dr Nelson had mapped out at a young age, but was a natural progression in the life of this experienced, talented and empathetic Australian.

We’re then treated to a photo of Dr Nelson with his wife and his dog. His wife is clearly more interested in the dog than Brendan.

Did you know the dog’s a doctor?

Biographical details follow, with emphasis on values…

Brendan went to high school at St Ignatius College, Adelaide, where his teachers instilled four principles that became the foundation for his development - commitment, conscience, compassion and courage.

…and the fact that he’s a doctor.

Moving back to Tasmania, he set up as an after-hours GP, which involved making frequent house calls in an area that badly needed the facility.

And then just on the off chance you didn’t know he like motorcycles there’s a lovely picture to let you know.

With a moustache like that, Bren-doc would make a great motorcycle cop

Moving onto his political career the pamphlet neatly dodges the fact that Nelson used to belong to the ALP and dives straight into his proud Liberal history.

In 1996, Brendan Nelson stood successfully as the Liberal candidate for the Sydney seat of Bradfield in the federal election that swept out Labor and brought the Liberal-National Coalition to office.

But given that Brendan will never, ever lead his party to victory (or even to the end of this year) this snippet is a bit cruel.

When a senior member of the Keating Government told him, “If you want to change Government policy, you’ll have to change the Government,” Dr Nelson took the first steps that would lead to the position he holds today.

After a picture of Nelson and his big gun…

It’s not the size that counts, it’s what you do with it

…we return to Brendan’s favourite talking point: his hobbies.

To clear his mind, he can be found out on a morning walk, gardening, strumming a guitar or riding his Triumph motorcycle.

Did you know that Brendan has five guitars?

And finally we are treated to one half of a separated-at-birth photo set.

Dr Nelson and his son

Here’s the other half.

The Editor, John Surname, Ant Rogenous, Jeremy Sear and Craig discuss:

* Quentin Bryce as Governor-General
* Proposed email snooping laws
* Brendan Nelson — dead man walking
* Fake Lonely Planet writing
* Keith Windschuttle vs. Wilson Tuckey in the GrodsThink naked cagefight

** Because of overuse of semi colons in the blogosphere use only the “Play in popup” link or the “Download” link. **

 

 GrodsThink 12 (15 April 2008) [35:13m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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Nelson done got king hitted.

MADONNA KING: Should the single age pension be increased in the Budget?

DR NELSON: Yes, I think it should and…

KING: Why didn’t you guys do it last year?

DR NELSON: Well what we did was, once we’d paid off all Labor’s debt, the $96 billion, and we’d got unemployment coming down and we got the economy into a stronger position, once we’d done that we then said right, okay let’s give additional benefits to pensioners, retirees and seniors. We brought in the utilities payment, the cash bonus and a variety of things like that. We lost the election. That means all of our policies we go back to scratch, we have a look at them. One of the things I think we do need to look at is whether a person can seriously live on $276 a week.

KING: Could you?

DR NELSON: I, with the commitments I’ve got, of course I couldn’t.

KING: Yeah, but no it would be almost difficult for anyone to, wouldn’t it?

DR NELSON: Well look I go back… You know, the closest I got to that was when I was studying, which is a completely different environment of course.

Flock off and die, Nelson. You and and the party from whence you came.

Does it never end?

Each time I visit Brisbane I enjoy the refreshing honesty and frankness of Queenslanders.

They tell him that he’s that he’s full of shit in no uncertain terms.

I spent an hour with my good friend and colleague Andrew Laming at the Capalaba shopping centre and when you talk with the locals they’re not shy in telling you what they think.

“You’re full of shit, Brendon.”

Of most concern is the growing pressure on their household budgets.

Vodka bottles at the ready…

Many Australians are finding it tough at the moment, with the cost of petrol, food and interest rates on the rise.

DRINK!

This is one area where many people are looking for the Government to deliver and for Mr Rudd to meet the expectations he created last year that these costs of living would come down.

Because Kevin’s ruined the country in six long months.

One of the great success stories in Capalaba is John Titman…

* giggle *

…Racing. Over 25 years, John has built up his business of making motorcycle parts and accessories from working out of his back shed to a business which now employs 14 staff. He’s a great example of the get up and go needed to make a small business work. The more time you spend travelling around Australia, the more encouraged you get as you meet hardworking businessmen like John Titman.

What has this got to do with anything?

In visiting numerous small businesses, I have been inspired once again by the get up and go of people who take a risk and work hard to deliver the goods and services we all need and provide jobs for other Australians.

So, motorcycle parts and accessories are goods and services that we all need? Whatever. Piss off, Bren-doc.