Episode 40: In which Lachlan reflects on the election result and cuts a deal with the documentary’s producers.
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The Editor’s note: As this is the final episode of Lachlan Connor, Independent I’d like to say a hearty thankyou to those who took part in its production (you know who you are) and everyone who took the time to watch an episode or two. Even though Lachlan was a chore a lot of the time — what with us trying to do proper jobs, our complete lack of acting talent, and (in the end) a complete lack of scripts — I do know that we had a bunch of fun.

Stewart Glass, independent for the Senate in South Australia, uses visual metaphors to hammer home his points about government and liberty.

Episode 39: In which Lachlan, on the eve of the poll, reflects on the final weeks of his campaign for election to the Senate.
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A few months ago GrodsCorp introduced you to Stuart Ulrich, independent for Charlton, who came to our attention after he wrote a cryptic email to Lachlan Connor.

Hi Lachlan

Stuart Ulrich from the seat of Charlton, I myself will also be running as an independent.

Just something remember the constitution.

At the Parliament House website one can search for the why behind this, using constitutional debates for the search.

As I have found our government and those in Canberra, that’s is all of them are constitutionally inept.

The constitution holds certain powers for federal and those of the states that they had when the constitution was signed is 1900.

Good Luck

Stuart

At the time I asked for readers to assist us in the translation of the above message but Stuart left a comment that, in its attempt to clear up the confusion, only baffled us more.

Hi Lachlan.

To decode this is easy.

The political party i have been working on is about the people.

Federal Government is there to represent the people and states not political parties.

The parties can put forward candidates but once in government are supposed to be independent.
Remember it is the electorate that you should be concerned with.

Some say, well a constitution is old and out of date, but until such times that we have a referendum to change this then the rules are there.
We all know that behind the rules are the reasoning that has created these documents, and this goes for all.

The party TAPP was created to bring together those who wish to stand for the people and still be free to act accordinally.

Now Lachlan if you wish to contact me I am happy but if you cannot ask a question about our constitution then we certainly are in trouble.

With debates outlines how things are supposed to work.

Stuart Ulrich
Independent Candidate for Charlton

So imagine my delight when I found a Lachlan Connor-esque video of Stuart Ulrich on the YouTubes that makes even less sense than Stuart’s writing. Enjoy!

GrodsCorp speaks to Margarita Windisch, lead Senate candidate for the Socialist Alliance in Victoria.

Episode 38: In which Billy mourns the loss of Jacob.
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On Insiders this morning Barrie Cassidy got his knickers all in a knot because Kevin Rudd had not appeared on his program during the election campaign, yet he was due to appear on Rove tonight. Program guest Julie Gillard smacked him down: “With respect, Barrie, the people whose votes are more important are unlikely to tune into political breakfast television at 9am on a Sunday morning.” (Or words to that effect.)

She has a point.

For all the superficiality of Krudd’s campaigning you’ve got to give him points for smart politics. Going on Rove will help his chances of election five times more than going on a month’s worth of Insiders episodes.

So here I am liveblogging Rudd on Rove…

8:57pm — Krudd enters to the tune “Everybody wants to rule the world.”
8:58pm — Krudd cracking focus group-tested jokes.
9:00pm — Krudd has hit exactly 83 cliches in just three minutes.
9:01pm — Krudd talking up Garrett. Forced smile.
9:02pm — Cheesy wave to kids in studio audience (focus group-tested.)
9:03pm — Voter apathy is “the nature of democracy,” apparently.
9:04pm — Wasn’t eating ear wax, just scratching lip; wasn’t looking at pictures in Playboy, just reading articles.
9:07pm — Krudd: “I’m not a h8er.”
9:08pm — Krudd reckons he could take Howard in a cagefight.
9:09pm — Mega-focus group-tested multi-response to “who would you turn gay for?” question. Would’ve been much better to just deadpan a pre-determined answer. Final answer: “my wife.” Lame.

A few weeks ago we introduced you to NSW Senate aspirant James Purser. James’ Lachlan Connor-esque campaign looked to be in full swing but it appears that the wheels have come off.

Back in July 2007 I had had enough. After watching yet another exchange between the Government and the Opposition on who’s half baked broadband plan is going to best serve the nation, I decided that instead of yelling at the television I would actually try and do something about it. So I announced that I was going to run for the Senate as an independent.

Unfortunately I missed one vital area in my campaign, raising funds, and so I was unable to raise the $1000.00 deposit and hence missed the boat.

So What Now?

Now I start planning for the next election. I still don’t have any confidence that either side of the political spectrum is going to do what is necessary to bring this country to the point where it can compete with the top nations. There isn’t the vision that is required to do things like aim for Fibre To The Home instead of Fibre To The Node, or create a national network of renewable energy production plants.

So I’m going to be on the outside shouting in. I’m going to be prodding which ever party forms the next government to try and ensure that we get the vision that we deserve.

Better start printing up those James10 t-shirts.

Zane Alcorn, the Socialist Alliance candidate for Wills, talks about policy, campaigning, and Hip Hop.

A primary school teacher responds to John Howard’s claim at the Liberal campaign launch that “Australia does not need an education revolution. Australia needs an education system that teaches its children to read, to write, to spell and to add up.”

They’re replaying edited highlights (or lowlights, as the case may be) of the Liberal campaign launch on ABC. Here are my thoughts…

* JHo: “My fellow Australians.” Spew.
* JHo: “This election is about the future… despite how great the past is.” It always comes back to the past doesn’t it, John?
* Costello: “Economic storm clouds on the horizon that will increase inflation, interest rates and unemployment. But we will decrease inflation, interest rates and unemployment.”
* JHo: “Family is the cornerstone of society.” And that’s why you’re force-feeding middle class welfare pork down families’ throats, despite Australia “no longer being a welfare state.”
* Vaile: Sorry, missed that. Went to sleep.
* Abbot: Is doing his interview in the rain holding an umbrella that has stars and moons all over it. Bwah hah hah!
* JHo: “We will give you nine billion bucks to bribe you to vote for us. Um, actually, what I mean is education, child care, Great Australian Dream and other stuff like that. Family, family, family.”
* Howard, never one to attract the term “charismatic”, is actually looking (if it’s possible) less charismatic than normal. He looks about as inspiring as the flotation ball inside my toilet cistern.
* JHo: “New homeowners shouldn’t pay for infrastructure that benefits them and the wider community.” So you’ll make those homeowners pay through their tax payments instead, John? This is appalling policy.
* Julie Bishop is on the telly telling me that parents have the right to choose the quality of their kids’ schools. And what sort of choice do parents have when state schools are desperately underfunded, Julie?
* JHo to the rescue — he’s going to make independent school fees tax deductible. Problem fixed then.
* JHo: “Fees and levies that have crept into the public school system.” Why do you think public schools have to charge those fees and levies, you great, fucking cockhead of a man?
* JHo: “Indigenous intervention has brought to an end 20-30 years of problems.” I think it’s been going on longer than that, John. Also, you had ten-and-a-half years to fix it before that — why didn’t you?
* JHo: “To continue to decide who comes to this nation.” Anyone but those dirty, fightin’ Sudanese if Kevin Andrews has anything to do with
* Downer: “If the terrorists win there will terrible consequences.” Dickhead.
* JHo: “Tough on drugs.” Ruddock just appeared on screen to back up Howard’s words. He looks as ghoulish as ever.
* Kevin Andrews: “We must protect our way of life.” Your way of life is nothing like mine, Kev, so stop trying to impose yours upon me via Parliament. Get your rosaries off my ov… um, testicolies.
* JHo: “UNIONS! UNIONS! UNIONS! COAST-TO-COAST LABOR! BOO!”
* The closing music sounds like the elevator muzak you hear over the top of 1980s telemovies on Channel Seven at midday.

Watching that made me feel genuinely sick. The sun will shine on Australia if the coalition is no longer in charge on 25 November.

So that’s what it was.

Family First leader Steve Fielding has told the party’s campaign launch in Melbourne that a vote for Family First is a vote for common sense and balance in Parliament.
(source)

I was driving down Manningham Rd in Lower Templestowe today and saw a huge group of people standing around in white Family First t-shirts with Family First balloons and a trailer decked out with Family First posters. Steve Fielding was prominent in the group. But here’s the thing — this whole thing was going on in the forecourt of an abandoned service station! What kind of point were they trying to make with that choice of location? Something about the impact of petrol cartels?

Try as I might, I can’t find any kind of God connection, although there was some guy standing up the back wearing a long flowing robes, crown of thorns, and a luxurious beard…

Jason Koutsoukis, writing in today’s Sunday Age, explains how the Liberal Party campaign machine last week successfully manipulated the media in order to take control of John Howard’s sorry/apology semantics debacle.

The trouble over saying sorry started on Thursday when Howard was asked why, if he was not responsible for the interest rate rise, he was apologising for it. “Well, I said I was sorry they’d occurred. I don’t think I actually used the word ‘apology’. I think there is a difference between the two things.”

Watching the disaster unfold, the Liberal Party’s campaign director Brian Loughnane hit the roof.

Too late to stop the “sorry” saga from dominating the 6pm news bulletins, Howard’s office went into damage control mode and bundled the press pack travelling with the PM onto their chartered jet for Sydney.

With all the experienced hands out of the way, the PM’s office then tipped off the ABC and the Herald Sun newspaper to rush a couple of journalists up to 4 Treasury Place and wait for Howard to appear.

Only one question was allowed at this doorstop “interview” and Howard answered it by accusing the Labor Party of playing word games.

Journalists from The Age (and from other media outlets, I’m sure) have been bitching and moaning endlessly during the campaign about how the media packs travelling with Howard and Kevin Rudd are treated. I mean, how are these fiercely independent and hard-working journalists supposed to file reports from the election frontline if the Liberal and Labor Parties don’t ferry them around and drive them to events in luxury? Especially when dastardly campaign teams manipulate journalists’ movements to maximise their party’s advantage.

Maybe instead of sitting back and allowing themselves to be spoonfed information, those press release-regurgitating cyborgs could go out and do some, you know, journalism. Might require the hire of a car or the booking of a plane ticket without the assistance of the Liberal Party, but it’s just a thought.

Episode 37: In which Lachlan learns of Jacob’s whereabouts and has a latte with Heather.
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Episode 36: In which Jacob runs into trouble with the law and disappears.
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