Bit (a lot) tired today and finding it hard to kick my brain into gear at work. Decided that since I couldn’t leave to go buy a latte (damn you, responsibility!) I’d browse latte porn on the intertubes instead. Tell me that photos like this — which is hilariously captioned by the photographer: “its like being in orbit over planet latte” — don’t get you salivating in anticipation of that sweet, sweet latte hit.

Typing one-handed now

Look, don’t get me wrong. I’ve come to expect nothing less than lifestyle filler in The Sunday Age (with only a slight increase in the quantity of news in the Monday-Saturday version) which is why McBec and I cancelled our seven day subscription to Melbourne’s broadsheet tabloid a few months ago. But cruising The Age’s website just now I notice that nothing has changed since I last had a physical copy of the paper with which to line Napoleon’s litter tray.

THE next time you order an iced quad venti sugar-free vanilla non-fat with whip caramel macchiato at Starbucks, ask yourself what you’re really after.

According to Victoria University researcher Po-Tsang Chen, coffee-drinkers who flock to chain cafes are craving brand recognition as much as the arcane combinations of caffeine.

Dr Chen has completed a four-year study of Melbourne coffee-drinkers, revealing a divide between those who go to chains, such as Hudsons Coffee or Gloria Jeans, and independently run cafes.

Gotta hand it to The Sunday Age because they’ve really identified their target audience and they’re giving those inner city, aspirational latte lefties exactly what they want: confirmation of their eliteness based on their preference for trendy independent cafes.

And if I ever meet the sub-editor responsible for this headline I’ll freakin’ glass him or her: “Well, latte-da – your coffee shop says things about you”.

Maybe I’m the last guy in Australia to know about this but the Gloria Jeans coffee shop franchise is co-owned by two men with close links to the Pentecostal Hillsong Church. In addition to this, Gloria Jeans is a major corporate sponsor of Mercy Ministries which “is a non-profit organization for young women who face life-controlling issues such as eating disorders, self-harm, drug and alcohol addictions, depression and unplanned pregnancy.” Mercy Ministries is strongly anti-abortion and views “lesbianism as a sin that their residential program assists girls to ‘walk in freedom from.’”

Even though Mercy Ministries (and therefore Gloria Jeans) fights for women’s freedom from freedom*, their possession of a MySpace page means they aren’t interested in fighting for freedom from bad web design.

* Thanks to Bruce for giving us this awesome phrase.