Perhaps inspired by GrodsCommenter Hip’s excoriation of ill-mannered yoof in a recent thread, I found myself doling out some more improvised justice yesterday afternoon, this time to a couple of punk teens at the local park.

Truth be told, I wasn’t in a good mood to begin with. About two minutes in to the walk, my dog bounded off to say “hai!” to a young boxer on a lead. It was an entirely friendly meeting, complete with mutual bum-sniffing and wagging tails. But since the boxer’s crabby-looking owner had a face like a puckered arsehole freshly buggered with a lemon wedge, I called my dog to come back — which he duly ignored.

As I walked over to grab my dog, who was still having a great old time with his new mate, the boxer’s owner glared at me. “Why don’t you try putting him on a lead?” she snarled.

And instead of pointing out that this is precisely how dogs socialise in a designated off-lead park, and that anyone who is uncomfortable about it should consider walking their precious mutt where leads are mandatory, I answered her question with another question: “Why don’t you go and fuck yourself?”

Thus was the tone set for the rest of the walk.

Before too long, I noticed a ruckus approaching and turned to find two boys in their early teens riding BMXs recklessly with large branches balanced on their handlebars — god only knows why.

“Gits,” I thought as they zoomed past.

Some way further along the path — which winds its way between a creek and a densely wooded area — I came around a bend and saw my dog sniffing at one of the BMXs, which had been abandoned on the creek side of the path.  I was a good 20 metres behind my dog at this stage, and at first couldn’t see where the kids had got to.

As I neared the bike and my dog, I heard some scuffling and saw some movement from among the trees — and suddenly noticed that the little bastards were hurling sticks and stones at my unsuspecting, defenceless pooch.

So I picked up the bike and threw it in the creek.