#2 Guys who undo their belts and drop their pants to piss at the urinal

You know the type. They’re usually wearing pink Industrie polos with the collar up. Guys who are so insecure about their manhood that they undo their belt and drop their pants to the base of their hips to piss at the urinal in order to give the impression of a package of above-average size. I’ve got a penis of average proportions (the Cosmo sealed section says so) and it fits comfortably through my jeans fly with room to spare; so why do these other idiots need to undo their belt and drop their strides?

It’s because they want to give the impression that they have “schlongs” as opposed to “dicks”. Men who don’t care about the size of their penis have dicks, men who base their entire self-image on the size of their penis have schlongs. Schlongs are no larger than dicks, but schlong owners try desperately to make other people believe that this is the case.

The only difference between schlongs and dicks is that schlongs are used more frequently in the act of masturbation.