I am sick of the endless, deceiptful PR marriage of war and sport that bubbles to the surface on ANZAC Day like some malignant marketing orgasm.

As far as I can tell war and sport have only three things in common: they involve two sides wearing different uniforms and led by stupid but overpaid men; there’s usually a winner and a loser; and obsessed males buy books about both of them. If you watched any sports coverage on ANZAC Day you’d think the two were exactly the same. The broadcast of today’s AFL game started at 12 noon but the game itself doesn’t begin until 2.40pm. The preceding 160 minutes is 10 per cent football and 90 per cent thinly drawn analogies of war and sport, combat and games, hamstrings and minefields, sportsmen and warriors. Stories of AFL/VFL players who served in war because footy players and soldiers are, like, great heroes.

Let’s get a few things straight:

Sport is NOT war. Apart from nonsensical risky sports like high-speed motor racing, hardly anyone dies playing sport.

Running thoughtlessly into a pack of thick-necked footballers is not the same as running at a machine-gun nest.

In sport you might do a knee or rupture your Achilles tendon; in war you might have your head shot off.

Though it’s sometimes used otherwise, sport is apolitical; war is a continuation of politics by other means.

Footballers and soldiers are not the same thing, goddamit. Commemorate our war veterans and celebrate our sporting heroes - but don’t try to equate the latter with the former.

And a final question for the AFL: if the football community has always loved our returned soldiers, respected their effort in wartime and applauded players who served their country in war, etc. then why did the VFL competition continue through both world wars? Surely it should have been suspended as a mark of respect and to allow those brave footballing gladiators to serve Australia in war, as was done with the FA Cup…

That politics and religion should be separated
(Read the whole debate)

Second negative: John Surname

Sorry this post is late.

You see, last night I was visited by the Ghost Of Christmas Past. He visits every year to teach me the meaning of Christmas, and to also remind about why I should feed the cat. We also talked about how MB stole the premise of her response from the Michael Moore book Stupid White Men. It was so obviously fake. Like God is a woman and emails bloggers.

“Fooooor shaaaaaaame!!” he cried.

Despite what MB wants you to believe, religion and politics have been entwined forever. Since the days of the Egyptians, religious rules have guided the laws, and without question, they have been a smashing success.

The moment that we remove religion from politics, and allow laws to be made for logical instead of moral reasons is the day that we live as animals. If we removed religion from politics unspeakable things would happen:

1. Homosexuals would get rights
Where would we be if a bunch of immoral pillow biters were given the same rights as ordinary humans? We all know that teh gays are out to corrupt us all with their homosexual lifestyle. We know that teh gays want to teach Buggery 101 at primary schools. We know that on average gay people are less moral than normal people. If we allowed them to marry each other, the world would collapse upon itself. It is a ridiculous notion, since they all choose their sexual orientation anyway. They need to be taught how to be straight. It’s a lot more effective than giving them basic human rights.

2. Magazines
Think about how the magazines would feel? If there was no religion, they wouldn’t be able to report on pastors smoking crystal meth and screwing male prostitues. The editors wouldn’t be able to feed their children, who subsequently would starve to death. This would cause a chain famine and the entire world would collapse.

3. Football
Football is a religion to some morons. Politicians pretend to like football in order to get votes. Steve Fielding suggested that Geelong build a giant football, which makes you wonder what the hell he is smoking.

Oh, yeah. Crack.

If you take football out of politics all you will wind up with is a large population of disenchanted bogans who refuse to vote because the politicians won’t connect with them.

So they get carted off to gaol, away from their families. Their children respond badly, and start using drugs to quell the pain. Before long they’re dealing. Then they’re also in gaol. This creates a generational problem in which the entire fabric of society tears and the universe collapses upon itself.

Thus, I submit to you that removing religion from politics would lead to the destruction of the universe.

Thank you.

Remember Danna Vale’s GallipoliWorld idea? Well, check out this new doozy from Family First Senate candidate Gary Plumridge.

Plumridge is so desperate for media coverage he has just performed one of the most bizarre acts of media tarting I have ever seen.

Trying to cash in on the euphoria of the Cats huge win, Plumridge has just announced his support for a giant football monument in Geelong to immortalise the win.

“Everyone is so excited that Geelong is on the map. We talk a lot about boosting tourism and if Geelong had something like the big football, families would travel to see it.”

Time for a GrodsPoll then.

Vote early, vote often.

Watching the Melbourne Victory vs. Adelaide United match at the Phone Dome last night, Billybob, Greeny and I were bemused about Adelaide’s major sponsor, Sakai. We’d never heard of any company by that name and a snap poll of the three others with us confirmed that Sakai were an enigma, nobody having any idea about what they sold/ produced/ provided. We were left with no option but to conclude that Adelaide United are sponsored by Iron Chef Hiroyuki Sakai, the king of French cuisine. And what a sponsor! Sakai was the most successful of the seven total Iron Chefs, boasting 70 wins, 15 defeats and one tie. Sakai obviously saw his own fighting spirit reflected in that of Adelaide United and decided to support their cause with a naming-rights sponsorship. Adelaide’s fighting spirit was all on show last night with coach John Kosmina attempting to strangle Melbourne Victory captain Kevin Muscat. The beautiful game.