That politics and religion should be separated
(Read the whole debate)

Third affirmative: Magic Bellybutton

Since John is stubbornly refusing to see reason (and really, it is to be expected from people such as him), I’m just going to have to resort to treating this in exactly the same way as him – like a game

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

FreedomJeopardy!

Rules are simple. There will be 5 answers. You must work out the correct question to go with this answer. Host is the host, Playa is the contestant. The money you win goes towards getting your family out of Iraq and away from America’s crusade.

First answer.

Playa: I’ll take Megalomaniacal Delusions for $100 thanks Host

Host: Ordered great monuments to be built by slaves as they were rulers seen as gods on earth.

Playa: Who are the Pharaohs?

Host: Correct.

***We interrupt this program to bring you some breaking news. Prime Minister Tony Abbott has announced that Steve Fielding is to be crowned King of Australia. We will give you more information as it comes to hand.***

Second answer.

Playa: I’ll take Random Acts of Catholicism for $200 thanks.

Host: No one expects this.

Playa: What is the Spanish Inquisition?

Host: Correct.

***This just in. Starting immediately, all laws will be reviewed to ensure that they adhere to God’s Will. All non-Christians, Homosexuals, Feminists and Pinko Lefties are to report to their nearest police station immediately for bar-coding and processing.***

Third answer.

Playa: I’ll take Utter Bastards for $400 please.

Host: Sycophants who can easily be bought by the Exclusive Brethren for a cup of coffee at Gloria Jeans

Playa: Who is the Australian Liberal Party?

Host: Correct!

***More breaking news: Fred Nile will be assisting the King in this review, while Cardinal George Pell has been given special permission from the Pope himself to be Australia’s High Inquisitor.***

Fourth answer.

Playa: How about…Religion = Stupidity for $300!

Host: He claimed that the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq were missions from God.

Playa: Who is George W Bush?

Host: Correct!

***Women’s health groups are up in arms at the announcement that all stocks of contraceptive pills will be destroyed. Furthermore, the King has issued orders that effective immediately, any woman seeking to terminate a pregnancy (or possible pregnancy) for any reason is to be placed in a Federal Maternity Care Facility. These facilities are to ensure the health of the mother while she carries the child to full-term. Extensive counselling from on-site chaplains will be available for all expectant mothers.***

Final answer!

Playa: I’ll take “Always Right” for $500 thanks Host

Host: She is always right no matter what John Surname may otherwise claim.

Playa: Who is Magic Bellybutton?

Host: Correct! Yes, not a well known question that one. I’m really impressed you knew it.

Playa: Magic Bellybutton is the shit.

Host: But of course.

Six months later:

In the end, everyone was bent to His will. The King has spoken and those who failed to comply soon found that life was very difficult for them. The world grew very dark. Anyone suspected of non-conformity was labelled Un-Australian and found themselves to be under investigation from Cardinal Pell’s Righteous Rulers Special Service. Many people disappeared and were never seen by their friends for family again.

The King looked over his domain and smiled to himself. Everyone is happy when they have the right morals imposed on them. They come to understand that there is only One Way.

He turned around and went into his bedroom. Now, where did he put that Baby Jesus Butt Plug?

I normally avoid A Current Affair like the plague but I sometimes tune in for a jenkem-like snort of tabloid methane. Tonight’s ludicrous beat-up was on those Moooslims, those ones who come to Australia in, like, their thousands and don’t, y’know, integrate with normal people? The rationale for this ’story’ was a town meeting in the Sydney suburb of Camden - but it was a fairly thin premise, and the ‘town meeting’ ended up looking more like the carpark at a rodeo than rational democracy-in-action.

ACA then went straight to an objective source on the issue of Moooslims: Fred Nile of the Christian Democratic Party. The justification for this was that the CDP is now the voice-of-the-people because its vote has “skyrocketed” in NSW (which it has, they now register almost half the vote of the Greens). Fred claims we’re at risk of being swamped by Moooslims and besides, there are Christians being persecuted in Moooslim countries who deserve to come here first! He wants a ten-year moratorium on new Moooslims coming into the country.

Amongst the other damning evidence:

* Twenty years ago there were 30,000 Moooslims in Australia; now there are 300,000. They must be breeding like rabbits.
* Sydney now has 40-something mosques. Melbourne has, erm, a lot too. And if you look at these mosques on Google Maps, it looks even worse.
* The Moooslims want to build a Moooslim school in Camden. Absolutely appalling.
* Vox Pop Man says Moooslims aren’t like ‘us’ because they “…don’t come up, shake ya hand and say ‘g’day’, mate.” (If you could see Vox Pop Man, you’d probably understand why.)
* And Keyser Trad has… nine children!

My guess is that Nine will be screening a few anti-terror ads tonight.