I was listening to ABC Radio National on the wireless last week and some dude from some anti-religious group said “are you seriously trying to tell me that there will be 400,000 young people all in the one place, all having a good time, and none of them will get together?”

I turned to Craig, who was with me at the time, and we said in unison: “World Youth Fuckfest.”

Today Cardinal George Pell took time out from rallying against evil condom usage and evil non-marital sex to implore the “western world” (read: not the muzzies) to have more sex.

One blogger supports “George Peel” (sic) and his call for non-muzzies to start “rootin” (sic), and is now planning his last minute trip to Sydney. No need to pack the “dinger’s” (sic).

That politics and religion should be separated
(Read the whole debate)

Third affirmative: Magic Bellybutton

Since John is stubbornly refusing to see reason (and really, it is to be expected from people such as him), I’m just going to have to resort to treating this in exactly the same way as him – like a game

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

FreedomJeopardy!

Rules are simple. There will be 5 answers. You must work out the correct question to go with this answer. Host is the host, Playa is the contestant. The money you win goes towards getting your family out of Iraq and away from America’s crusade.

First answer.

Playa: I’ll take Megalomaniacal Delusions for $100 thanks Host

Host: Ordered great monuments to be built by slaves as they were rulers seen as gods on earth.

Playa: Who are the Pharaohs?

Host: Correct.

***We interrupt this program to bring you some breaking news. Prime Minister Tony Abbott has announced that Steve Fielding is to be crowned King of Australia. We will give you more information as it comes to hand.***

Second answer.

Playa: I’ll take Random Acts of Catholicism for $200 thanks.

Host: No one expects this.

Playa: What is the Spanish Inquisition?

Host: Correct.

***This just in. Starting immediately, all laws will be reviewed to ensure that they adhere to God’s Will. All non-Christians, Homosexuals, Feminists and Pinko Lefties are to report to their nearest police station immediately for bar-coding and processing.***

Third answer.

Playa: I’ll take Utter Bastards for $400 please.

Host: Sycophants who can easily be bought by the Exclusive Brethren for a cup of coffee at Gloria Jeans

Playa: Who is the Australian Liberal Party?

Host: Correct!

***More breaking news: Fred Nile will be assisting the King in this review, while Cardinal George Pell has been given special permission from the Pope himself to be Australia’s High Inquisitor.***

Fourth answer.

Playa: How about…Religion = Stupidity for $300!

Host: He claimed that the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq were missions from God.

Playa: Who is George W Bush?

Host: Correct!

***Women’s health groups are up in arms at the announcement that all stocks of contraceptive pills will be destroyed. Furthermore, the King has issued orders that effective immediately, any woman seeking to terminate a pregnancy (or possible pregnancy) for any reason is to be placed in a Federal Maternity Care Facility. These facilities are to ensure the health of the mother while she carries the child to full-term. Extensive counselling from on-site chaplains will be available for all expectant mothers.***

Final answer!

Playa: I’ll take “Always Right” for $500 thanks Host

Host: She is always right no matter what John Surname may otherwise claim.

Playa: Who is Magic Bellybutton?

Host: Correct! Yes, not a well known question that one. I’m really impressed you knew it.

Playa: Magic Bellybutton is the shit.

Host: But of course.

Six months later:

In the end, everyone was bent to His will. The King has spoken and those who failed to comply soon found that life was very difficult for them. The world grew very dark. Anyone suspected of non-conformity was labelled Un-Australian and found themselves to be under investigation from Cardinal Pell’s Righteous Rulers Special Service. Many people disappeared and were never seen by their friends for family again.

The King looked over his domain and smiled to himself. Everyone is happy when they have the right morals imposed on them. They come to understand that there is only One Way.

He turned around and went into his bedroom. Now, where did he put that Baby Jesus Butt Plug?